My DH and I bought our house 4 years before he passed away. We worked so hard to get to that place in our life. Now that he is gone, I feel his spirit and see him in everything I look at here. It is my solace - my friends and family say I sit in the house to much, but this is our home, yes, OUR home. It will always be our home. The week before he passed, my toilet busted causing $15,000 worth of damage to my kitchen. I never told him, as he was in the hospital, so my kitchen is not the kitchen we shared together, but I did get the kitchen WE wanted, as we had talked about renovating it at some point down the road. I don't have any small children and live alone, so I can't comment on that. But, I am only 10 months out, so I'm not sure how I will feel as time passes. Several people have already suggested I move to a smaller apartment, but again, this was OUR home, this was OUR dream and for now it gives me comfort. I feel like when I walk in the door, I can feel his presence wrap itself around me.

pickin....

You brought up a good point and one I hadn't considered. Before building the present house, we lived in our home for 27 years. As you said, every corner, every room had a memory connected to it. We raised our children in that home. We were empty-nesters when we moved here and didn't have time to create many memories that would bring me solace. That's probably part of my issue with it feeling like a home. Thanks for that point. Not sure why I didn't look more closely at time spent making memories. I was just blindsided with the disconnect I feel with this house. TJ

Dear TJ
I havemyt daughter and 3 year old grandaughter living with me, I'am thankful for that but i agree something is missing from the word home. Lots of memories some good and some not so good. I wonder if that old saying home is where the heart is comes into play.Trouble with that , my heart is not hear at this stage of grief so our home is as you said a shelter for now . Dave

TJ
I agree with you, right now my house is just a house and not a home. Even though Tom and I lived here together for 34 yrs since he died it is just a house to me. Before I used to love to be home, and now I will do just about anything to get out of here. I hope this passes. I just always expect to see him in the family room etc. and I think there is a lot of disappointment when I don't. It has only been 5+ weeks so hopefully this will pass. Please don't do anything you may be sorry for later.
Pat

It was our house...a very very nice house..as the song goes and when we were away we wanted to go home. So a house and a home are both. But it is now a lonely house and an empty home without him to share it with. He made it comfortable and warm and inviting. I feel safe from the world when I am wrapped in the cocoon of my home, safe to feel how ever I want to feel, comfortable to sit here and devulge my inner most thoughts to my DS friends. I am home...home alone in my, not our, house. Right now though, I don't want to be any place else.

Some days I feel like selling it fully loaded and moving to a hotel room!

I want to go home. I just don't know where it is anymore. The house I'm in, we bought just 8 months before my husband passed. I've struggled with this since then. I remember that first horrible week, my sister took me out to eat. When she brought me home, I was expecting to see our home, the one in New Orleans, not this house in Indiana. It's weird. It holds everything we had/have. I'm here. The pups are here. It's pretty. It's comfortable. But it doesn't feel like home, just a place I'm staying. Someday I pray for the courage and strength it will take to move to a smaller place.

TJ, I was just thinking recently that I feel 'homeless'. I lost my husband suddenly on 11/15/09 in a hang gliding accident. We were married 36 years, and built our house in 1979. We had finally remodeled everything by 2008, so it was perfect. My home is too rural, too expensive, and too far away from his family for me to be able to live there alone. I have not been there since. I have lived with his family since then, and am getting ready to rent a house from my younger brother-in-law. I know I need my own place, but it will not be home. Only my beautiful house and land is home, and that is where I want to be. Here and the house I will rent are just places to live. Funny how I have never referred to where I am now as 'home', and I have been here nearly 7 months. You are not alone! Patti

We were in our home 7 years when my DH passed. Once the shock wore off and I was off autopilot, was when the reality really sunk in. For a few months I felt like I didn't belong here anymore, for there was nothing to stay here for. DH was gone, and so was my life.

The grief support group I was attending stressed not making major decisions for 1 to 1-1/2 years, unless we had to for financial reasons. So, I stuck it out.

Now, 13 months later, my house is a home once more. It is still "our" home, and I have been following through with the improvements we talked about doing. I haven't truly been alone since DH passed, for whether it can be believed or not, I feel his presence every day.

I also adopted a wonderful cat this past October. She has put life back into my home, and I wouldn't know what to do at this point without her. Moochie is a pure joy.

I wish I could help you more, but wish you the best and hope your house becomes a home to you once more. - Debbie