Hi Margie, I Don't Have Advice, But I Know What It Is Like. Iam Up And I Go To Work At 8am. It Has Been Just Over 5 Mths. For Me And Iam Getting Better, But It Is Still Very Easy To Get Into That Routine.I Can Tell You This DS Is A Great Place To Be, But I Had A Problem When I Was Early On This Road That We Are On. I Spent To Much Time Here And It Was Way To Much To Handle.. I Felt So Bad For All These People That I Had To Get Away.I Still Get Tired,Mad,Very Lonely And Very Pissed Off, But Not As Often.Just Try Changing A Little Bit At A Time. Right Now It's All About You. You Need To Take Time To Heal. I Didn't Do That At 1 Month. You Will Have Less Pain. Ray

Dear, You have lost 1/2 of you. It's only been a month. You have to give yourself time to grieve. Right now I wouldn't worry about your routine. Concentrate on yourself. You're still in shock! Give it time. It does get better, even if you can't see that now.

I'm at 8 months and I am miles away from where I was when my Jim died. I was a robot for at least 4 months. But slowly it got better. Keep the faith. Make sure you eat, and get sleep when you can. No Guilt! It only makes things worse. Be kind to yourself.

I'm now taking care of my mom and it's very hard to find time to grieve. But, I'm the only one that can take care of her. I don't want her in a nursing home. In a way it was a blessing that I moved in with her.

My heart goes out to you. I know how you're feeling. Just know that it will get better. It's slow, but take the time to grieve. Patients and Peace HUGS to you!
Miki/CO

I think in the beginning and first year we all have a horrible routine. I even journaled mine so I would know just how it was.
If you want to change your routine................... get a dog. That will do it.
You have to get up & pout of bed to take him out, feed him and play.
I haven't wanted a dog in many many years but I didn't want to be alone. He was just what I needed. He makes me laugh.
Another routine change is to work, volunteer, join a group or go to a support group of some kind, just get out.

I hope things get better for you and all of us in this horrible routine. Think...baby step, just do a bit of something different.It will change soon.

I went to a bearevement councellor 10 days after my husband passed and she told me that it was important to not put pressure on myself...She said that anything goes for 3 months in regards to having a routine of sort and not to worry too much about it. She gave the example of not getting out of bed or not bothering to shower everyday etc...She said it was normal as long as it was not a behavior that lasted past the 3 months mark as it then could become depression of another kind. So don`t be hard on yourself it is what your body needs right now. I myself at 48 find that I have gone opposite as I used to be a night owl and still up early now by 8pm I`m ready for bed so I go . I often go to bed with a list of things to do the next day and then the next night find I did nothing from that list...It`s ok. It will be there waiting for me when I`m ready. On the other hand things that could have waited have been done as I had this need to get my affairs in order...There is no right or no wrong in my opinion...

at one month i was not working yet....i slept, cried, slept cried, watched tv, answered very few phone calls, made even fewer....i did shower only to put on my pj's again. I do not remember much about much those days but i did journal and its how i know i did nothing but what was needed to stay clean and alive...barely ate. I am glad your son lives with you that helps some. I also had a grief therapist that called me routinely and helped me during the first year...now its almost 16 months..i can function, work, did in fact get a dog that I adore and appreciate him forcing me up as I have to WALK him and am getting exercise. I say all that to say, please do not rush yourself or put pressure on yourself. your routine will change as your brain and body process all you have been through. just do what you can now. I prayed alot as well.....whew........hugs

Oh my Dear! Everything is still so new and surreal at one month. Where you are is where you need to be right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself. There will come a day soon when you will begin to think about "other" things you want and/or need to do, and when that day comes, you'll start moving forward with baby steps. Time is your best friend right now even though it doesn't seem like it. In time, things do get better, the edges of the pain soften; the memories sweeter, life seems worthwhile again. This is a process and a journey that none of us here at DS asked for. We are here for you always and walk this path with you. Come here whenever you need to. Blessings. sharon k.

You are grieving and that is normal. We all find ways that are 'better' for us individually. Example, Ray and others find they need to limit time on DS for their own mind. I lived on DS for mine. I found normalacy in reading I wasn't alone with my emotions. Both are right choices. I went to counseling and grief support group, journaled my feelings, and quit my job. The job decicion was a viable option for me and helped, for others it could be a horrible choice.

Trial and error is all we can do to get through the day. Try to just BE where you are. I don't like to say that, because I couldn't understand what it meant. Seemed like a stupid thing to say, but looking back it was good advise. Hugs for you. Sharon

Dear Violet,
Everyone here has offered so much good advice. I'll just second everything they have said and add that at 3 1/2 months I fully understand where you are coming from. One of the things that helps me when I get in a slump ( and that happens a lot because "Grief" is a vicious beast) is to remember to just let the emotions come. You cannot fight grief, it's like a rip tide and if you allow your self to just cry and scream and let it out any way you can, you won't drown in the crazy current...but if you fight it and don't let it out it will overwhelm you.
Be kind to your self, do what you have to do to just get through these early days. And most of all remember that everyone here understands and is pulling for you.
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Blessings,
Sharon

Thank you all so much for understanding and making me feel "normal". Today I did not fight the feelings, I let myself go the first few hours after waking knowing that soon I would feel better and I did.
I have to say though it helps so much to hear from all of you.
Thank you all again very much.