Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Would love some suggestions on how to handle the upcoming holiday frenzy! I certainly do not want to come off sounding like Scrooge, but how do you present the topic of opting out of all of the holiday gift giving?
My husband and I always bought gifts for every single family member (kids and adults). We never had children, but we so enjoyed buying for all the nieces and nephews when they were young. Well, they are all pretty well grown up now (a few are married), and the family has grown so much!
Steve passed away in 2013, and I continued to keep up the gift giving.
To be brutally honest, it has just come to be too much for me to handle.
I love my family with all my heart, but I am just growing weary of a tradition that seems to have spiraled out of control.
I would love your input and/or suggestions!
My husband and I always bought gifts for every single family member (kids and adults). We never had children, but we so enjoyed buying for all the nieces and nephews when they were young. Well, they are all pretty well grown up now (a few are married), and the family has grown so much!
Steve passed away in 2013, and I continued to keep up the gift giving.
To be brutally honest, it has just come to be too much for me to handle.
I love my family with all my heart, but I am just growing weary of a tradition that seems to have spiraled out of control.
I would love your input and/or suggestions!
-
-
Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
Not to sound like Scrooge here, but I ran into a similar problem early in my marriage many years ago with my family I left behind in the midwest. My wife was a single mom with 2 teenage children when we married, and I was just starting my career, and things were tight. My focus had to be on my new family. Well, we tried getting presents for everyone for just a couple of years, and by the time you buy something for everyone and then the delivery cost, it was really out of our financial ability to continue giving like that. It just seemed more prudent to stop with the gift giving. I always remember my brother-in-law describing how it seemed we'd be better off just sitting around a table and trading $20 bills (and that comment was made many years ago). You lose touch with each others lives, don't really know their likes and dislikes, and get the most horrible presents sent to you that end up being garage saled or thrown away. And we liked having more money to just spend on our own kids and each other. So I just told the family back home, we're not going to do Christmas presents anymore - money is too tight, just going to keep it small. Ruffled a few feathers with the family back home, and some kept sending packages for a few years, but then it stopped (thank goodness). We also always gave birthday and Christmas presents to children of local friends, but made it a known rule that no presents after age 12. For what its worth, that's what worked for us. God bless you ~ Scott
They should all understand that financially it's not possible anymore.
IF you're able, send flowers. a plant, a fruit basket or a box of candy to each family, instead of a lot of individual gifts.
If that's too much, send a nice card.
Personally, I think the commercialization of Christmas is way out of hand. There's no reason for you to do without or go into debt to buy presents for people. That's not the meaning of the season.
Hugs,
Janie
Hugs and sunflowers. Nanette
I HATE change, and this is just one more to make. So much in life has
changed since losing my precious husband. Getting a proper perspective on things is not often easy. This site has afforded me many opportunities to learn and get insight from others who are faced with this horrendous, deep grief.
Hugs to all of you for taking time to share your wisdom!
However this year may be different as it is my first. Have to play this one by ear.
Have a good day evone!
Darcie
,
I think the key thing is to tell them now - whatever you decide. Giving people plenty of advance notice is the main thing.
You have several options:
1. No presents, just cards.
2. Set a maximum price on gifts - nothing over $5 or $10
3. Set a maximum AGE limit, like Scott did
4. Notify everyone that you are donating to your favorite charity in the whole family's name, so no presents, and encourage them to do the same.
5. No presents but a dessert exchange - I have had friends who did this with Christmas cookies, fudge, etc. The kids usually like this and it's less expensive.
6. Draw names from a hat - like the Secret Santa some workplaces do. Set a price limit, too. That way everybody only has to buy one present and nobody gets into one-upsmanship either.
7. My old office, we used to do an ornament exchange every year. One nice ornament for $10 or cheaper, draw names or numbers from a hat, and have lunch together.
8. Give each other coupons for a favor/service - like a coupon for an evening of babysitting, or mowing the lawn, or something like that.
Just a few ideas...
I think the most fun Christmas we had was one year we decided that we would buy a teddy bear to be donated to Toys For Tots in honor of each member of the family. We bought something like 12 bears, then put a name tag on each bear naming them after a family member. Then we photographed each bear and sent the photo with a card to the person the bear was "named for". If you have never filled up a shopping cart with teddy bears, well, it was a fun experience! We made Christmas better for a dozen families that year, which felt right for us, and we had fun doing it.
Every year I try to make some of the presents that I do give, and my sons have helped, too, and have enjoyed the opportunity to show what they can do - we spend an awful lot of energy all year because of the things they can't do, so it's a nice change.
You've had some great advice from the others, and I hope this helps, too.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Homemade cookies are always appreciated. You can find nice containers at a dollar store to put the cookies in.
Lots of good ideas in this thread!
Hugs,
Janie
My husband and I started cutting way back a couple years ago, as we were spending far beyond what we could afford.
Then last year, we reduced that even more, by limiting it to children under a certain age.
This will be my first Holiday Season as a widow- I have to be Very realistic: I can not afford to buy gifts.
What will I do?
NOT sure yet. But definitely will not stress out about anything!