Hi Robert, So sorry you lost your dear wife of 18 years. You have come to the right place for caring, understanding and compassion for you and for all of us here on this journey of grief. My husband, John, died almost 1 year ago now, August 5, 2015. It seems like yesterday. I still don't know what to do, or what I have done the last year either. Just take good care of yourself, Robert, try to eat healthy, drink plenty of water, take vitamins, especially Vit B, Vit C, get plenty of sleep. You don't have to answer the phone ever when the estranged mother calls, just looking for material stuff. Forget her. You are much more important now. One thing I have learned is that when someone you love dies, the rest of it doesn't really matter that important anymore, so do what you want, never mind what anybody thinks. Try and stay active, even just taking a walk. That's all I can say here. Take care, Robert, stay with us, we will guide you through this journey of grief.
Hugs,
Nanette

thanks

Hi Robert, I am sorry you are here as no one really wants to join this "club". My husband transitioned in February 2013. I say transitioned because my personal belief is that his spirit lives on and that the day he died is his spiritual birthday. I well remember not being able to sleep in our bed, sleeping in the recliner night after night. My husband had helped me with the care of both my parents whom we had with us on a 6 month split with my oldest brother. Luckily my parents were with my brother when Don transitioned. I could not stand to hear my mothers attempt at sympathy that I knew she did not really feel. I stayed physically away from them for a year. I was trying to pull myself together enough so that I could handle being around them. Now my brother has also transitioned and I live 24 / 7 with my parents as their caretaker. Even now after 3 years I can not stand to hear my mom try to say she cared about / loved my Donald as I know it is a lie. Don did not have any living family so I was spared the drama about belongings / possessions. Robert what I wish to say to you is take care of you. Try to get sleep. Try to eat properly at least once a day. Drink plenty of water, stay hydrated. Try to find resources to help you with the care of your father. Maybe a seniors center that you can drop him off at in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. It would give you a much needed break. If anyone around you has offered to help, then ask them for help. Don't be shy. Perhaps they only said it to look like a nice person but out of every batch of those who offer there is usually at least one who means it. I also advise coming here often. When you read the posts you will see that so many of us feel this forum has really helped us and it may help you too. God bless. Cheryl

Hi Robert, welcome to our group. Talk to us anytime about anything. Likely one of us has had the same experience or something similar. Is there any Grief Support Group in your area you could make some time to go to - just for yourself?

Nanne

Hi! I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 16 years March 25 of this year. This has been the hardest, loneliness journey of my life but I make it 1 day at a time. Some days are just horrible & some days kind of ok. Don't get rid of anything you don't want to. I still have my husband's things where he left them. For me, it helps. There don't seem to be any rules to this journey except survive. Most of my friends are here but no longer the same. There is a distance now, because we did things as couples. I am no longer a couple. Our lives have changed. I don't sleep well most nights but have just made it back to my bedroom after sleeping on the couch since Nov (that is when my husband began his downward spiral from lung cancer). Drinking plenty of water helps me but the biggest help I get is through prayer. Do what you can we hen you can. The "fog" in your head will get better & if you think you are going crazy, don't think you are by yourself. There are days when I feel like day 1 & then others I think I can get through this day. Vent when you need to & cry when you feel like it. Take care. You will be in my thoughts & prayers.

Hello Robert, like Cheryl I am sorry to have to welcome you to our "club", but if you can manage to muddle your way through the recent changes this website has been through, this is a comfortable place for people like us to be.
I am "13-1/2 months out"; my Marylou left this life for the Spirit Realm June 12th of last year...in my family we just call it "12", because we all hold close to the Native American beliefs that the immortal Spirit does not die, rather it sheds its earthly body and moves on to the next phase of the Spirit Journey, where they wait for their Beloved for the Reunion in the Spirit Realm...for me at least, after spending half our lifetimes with each other, the idea that I will never see her again for all eternity is not only unacceptable, but it is false...I have had uncountable signs from her Spirit in the last 13-1/2 months that affirm that she is always with me...learning to recognize those signs will be an ongoing part of your Journey...there are many good books and videos on the internet that can help you recognize those signs...over time, you may begin to accept the fact that you truly did not lose her.
After reading your post, I felt the need to let you know, that you did not take your wife away from her (estranged) mother...if you were married for 18 years, she was with you because she WANTED to be...you didn't take anything from anyone...let that be your first guilt trip to be healed by reality ...unfortunately, for anyone who is mourning a spouse, there will be more.
Robert...the reason we call this a "Journey"...is because we are all on our way to a Reunion!

Hello and welcome Robert. I am so sorry for your loss and feeling so alone, and not knowing what to do with yourself. I was my husbands caregiver, and did it alone, no family, no children, one SIL who didn't seem to think I could do anything right. After my husband died all my SIL wanted was my husband's things, never mind that I was still alive. You and your wife were married, the two of you became one, she was yours, so don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Please take care of yourself first, and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do, or how you should or shouldn't feel. This is a safe place to express how you feel etc, and we are all here to support each other.
Hugs and blessings
Katrina

Very sorry for your loss!

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Ask for help, even just for recommendations. You need it right now, and every bit helps. You need to find out if you can get help on taking care of your dad. Take care of yourself as other suggested. Prioritize things so you don't get overwhelmed - give yourself time so you are able to manage the day-to-day things.

So sorry for your loss. Not much to add - lots of good advice has already been given. Sorry you have a need to join us, but welcome. This is a great place for compassion, support and understanding. We all get it. Kate.

Robert, I am so very sorry for your loss! Please do your best to take care of you! Life as we knew it will never be the same. Our address books will change, the way we look at this "life" we have will change. Do not let anyone take advantage of you. I read somewhere that we should not make any important decisions for at least a year. What you decide to do with your wife's personal things is up to you. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something different. The time will come when "you " are ready. My husband passed 15 months ago today. I still have his coat hanging on the back of the front door and still have all of his personal things. I will deal with them "someday" when and if "I" am ready. You have come to a wonderful sight, although most of us don't like the new format! Please come here as often as you want. There seems to be someone here no matter the day or time. This site helped me immensely. Don't know where I would be now without these compassionate, caring people. Welcome to you, Hugs and Love, Michele

Robert, I am brand new to this site and can feel your heart being lonesome. Yesterday I listened to some of Simon and Garfunkel tunes and cried my heart out. "The Sound of Silence," etc. I don't get asked out because we never formed friendships with others. My hubby was disabled when I met him and we stuck to each other like glue for 20 years. Now I want to form friendships and don't know how?? People say to get a cat or dog but I am allergic to them and am not sure they would take my hubby's place? YOU and only YOU are the next of kin to your spouse. Nobody else can come into your home and take things without your permission. I am giving away some things to our children so that they may be carried on in the family. But that is me, everyone does things differently. Many things I am keeping until I can let go of them. At first I put hubby's pictures away, then I missed him and put them out again. It goes up and down, back and forth like that with my emotions. That is why I am not ready for any type of relationships. I need to find how to take care of myself first and to get used to being alone. Find new hobbies, join a grievance group or something to get me out of the house. I still sleep in the same bed we slept in. Only with teddy bears that I hold tight. Sounds childish but he gave me one and it is soft and feels comforting as I wake up at night to see if he is there. I do believe he is with me. I wear my wedding rings yet and I know his body had to leave. He had 4 strokes, bad lungs, (COPD), heart bypasses, a tumor on his pancreas and was down to 90#'s. I told him goodbye and that I loved him and in a few hours he passed. Now my heart is breaking and I know it will mend in time. I am keeping most of his clothes that I bought him and his jackets. Until I am ready to let go of the material things. Each to their own. May God hold you in the palms of His hands Robert.