Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Hey all been along time since I posted

Majorbindguy40
Majorbindguy40

so it’s been a while and this past April 21 was my wife’s 1 year anniversary of her death or to me murrder. This year has been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings for me. I’m in grief counseling and trying to work on moving forward and coping with the loss but still stuck in place because every court hearing is like reliving that night over and over again. 


I just was to wake up from this nightmare and Patrice be still here with me but I know this is real and I just hate it. 


Atlest I can say I’m not alone anymore my sister in law is living with me and here to help me out. If I did not say this before I am visually impaired and a diabetic so she helps me out a lot and I thank her for being here for me and helping me all the time. 


One thing is bothering I feel guilty because I think I am starting to feel attractive to my sister in-law but I am also thinking it’s just placing my feelings for my late wife Patrice on her sister were she is there for me in some of the ways Patrice was there for me. And yes I do and have talked to my grief counseling about this. I try to not focus on them thoughts and feelings because I feel it’s wrong and unfair to Patrice and her sister Jen. I need to focus on healing myself and not put the burden of my heart ack on Jen. What do you all think?


any advice is welcome and feedback thank you.


Veronica77
Veronica77
Yes I think you need to be very careful regarding your sister-in-law. It could be disastrous especially with you being so vulnerable. Focus on healing and being a whole person on your own, and be a good friend to your sister-in-law. ((Hugs))
handg
handg
My opinion is just that an opinion as I'm not in your shoes and I don't live your life but having gone through my own journey I have come to understand that loneliness is a powerful player of emotions . This could be just that . You are lonely, she is helping you out. She reminds you of your wife etc.. On the flip side she may be missing her sister and is also vulnerable and have conflicting feelings as well. What I think is that even though it has been a year, your case is different as it is brought back to the fore front due to the nature so this means that healing may take longer and while you are healing , major decisions, such has pursuing a relationship should be put on the back burner so that when you do take that step forward , if you do eventually it will be for the right reasons.

Now another point I'd like to make is in the future you have healed and your grieve is no longer such a huge weight to live with you may find yourself attracted to your sister-in-law for the right reasons and maybe she will return the feelings (It's a lot of what if's ) . If that is what the future holds , and for the right reasons , you would not be unfair to Patrice or to Jen.
Majorbindguy40
Majorbindguy40
Thank you both for your feedback and yes I’m trying to focus on healing and not looking to just get in a nother relationship I know and realize I’m not ready for that. And I know my sister in-law is like me still trying to cope and dealing with the grief as it feels like that first night ever court hearing. So wile we are trying to be there for each other in are own ways we keep some distance.

And I don’t think I would normally find her attractive I think it’s because I am lonely. And I really miss the affection of Patrice.

It on nice to get honest feedback with out feeling judged by people or family before this I had Patrice who I could talk to about anything with no judgment now idk I can talk about most things with my counselor but it’s not really the same. All I can do is keep trying to heal and take my time. Again tysvm both of you
rogerxxxx
rogerxxxx
personally I think you are very lucky to have someone else who is interested in you, I lost my partner of 11 years due to illness (hers not mine) and I have been on my own ever since. I dread going back to the meet market situation and still feel too fragile to attempt it. But I also know that I don't want to live the rest of my life on my own, I have my children and quite a few friends who are a help but it is not the same as having a partner you are attracted to.
Rogerxxxx