Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been 9 months since my husband passed. Tomorrow is our daughter's birthday. She is turning 13. She's hurting because she wishes he could be with her still; missing him.
I miss him very much as well. Alot of firsts have gone by since he died...first time a new school year started that he didn't take her to the first day, first Halloween which was his fave holiday and no Dad going trick or treatin, first winter holidays without him....now, first birthday without him and it's a milestone one...13.
My father has passed as well...but when I was an adult already. Losing a parent when you're a kid still is totally different. Thats why I made sure I set up a therapist for help in dealing with her grief and everything else she's facing. She also, on her own, started writing her Dad letters in a notebook. I was surprised when I found out but like happy surprised because it showed me that on at least some levels she realizes that she has to except the reality that her father is gone and she's needs to find outlets to express what she's feeling.
So...is anyone else with minor aged kids trying to help them cope? How?
I miss him very much as well. Alot of firsts have gone by since he died...first time a new school year started that he didn't take her to the first day, first Halloween which was his fave holiday and no Dad going trick or treatin, first winter holidays without him....now, first birthday without him and it's a milestone one...13.
My father has passed as well...but when I was an adult already. Losing a parent when you're a kid still is totally different. Thats why I made sure I set up a therapist for help in dealing with her grief and everything else she's facing. She also, on her own, started writing her Dad letters in a notebook. I was surprised when I found out but like happy surprised because it showed me that on at least some levels she realizes that she has to except the reality that her father is gone and she's needs to find outlets to express what she's feeling.
So...is anyone else with minor aged kids trying to help them cope? How?
First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I am 37 and I lost my husband at the age of 44 on 2/24/16. We have three children. My son is 14, my daughter just turned 13, and my other daughter just turned 4.
So far they have seemed to be handling it as best as can be expected. I did take them to speak to a counselor and after a couple of visits they told me they did not want to continue, that they felt too uncomfortable speaking to a stranger about something so personal. I agreed not to force them to go, but I also spoke with each of the older children separately and they promised if they ever felt like it was getting to be too much they would let me know.
Like your daughter, my 13 year old keeps a journal and has began drawing as an outlet. Her 13th birthday on April was also very tough for her. My oldest son really doesn't talk about it much. I try at least once a week to have a discussion about how they're feeling, if they've had any struggled that week, etc. That seems to be working for now.
My youngest really doesn't understand. She knows her daddy was sick and now he is with Jesus. She will occasionally tell me that she misses her daddy and she'll tell me how much she loves him.
Our church family has also been a blessing by showing the children their support. My husband's friends have also been there for my son by including him in their activities and keeping him involved.
While our method may not work forever, it is working right now. I just keep the line of communication open so they know it is ok to talk about it. We remember him often and the kids recollect some of their favorite funny memories of him. Each child has something that belonged to him that they keep just for themselves.
I will tell you that I am NOT looking forward to our first Father's Day. Please let me know how you'll celebrate.
Your family is in my prayers.
Kathy