At first I coped by working. I try to limit the really tough things I have to do to one per day. I also try and put the pain in a mental box and let it out a little at a time so I can face it. I still get ambushed regularly though by little things, unexpected triggers, kindness, first meetings with friends/ colleagues, anything really. Then, I run away if I can or change the subject if I can't.
A colleague whose husband died suddenly a few years ago wrote me a letter with the following advice. I keep it in my wallet. It has helped me. I hope it helps you too.
1. Breathe. A big deep breath a couple of times a day.
2. Have a box of tissues in every room and in the car. And bottles of water to rehydrate.
3. When you have to go somewhere, check around when you first arrive for an area you can retreat to if/ when needed.
4. Get about 5 certified copies of the death certificate. Carry a copy with you. You will be amazed how often you need to show it.
5. When you start sorting out the financials, name changes etc. don't be a strong, independent woman and do as much as you can in person. You get things done a lot faster that way - people feel confronted by a weeping widow and are REALLY helpful - over the phone they can hang up.
6. Breathe
7. Make sure you have some alone time. People will want to support you which is great but you need some alone time too.

When it first happen I went away to visit family for 2 weeks, then when I got home I got a puppy. Lots of work but he took a lot of time and energy which helped take my mind off my problems. He was there to hold & cuddle with. I also found help in reading about other widows in the evening before bed.

counseling

It also helped me tremendously when people actually said that I could ask them anything about being a widow and their experience. It meant I could ask the stuff that was on my mind - how long, is this normal, what did you do when .... without feeling intrusive. Some had been through a sudden death and autopsy and the related steps and were able to share with me about that. I'm still asking them random questions as things come up.

Reading also helps me a lot. Some recommended by people on here (thanks Martha) and some via google, both advice books and memoirs and some websites. I read them as ebooks which is good in being able to carry several around and dip in and out but not good if I want to lend them.

My biggest help, though, has been this support group on Daily Strength. I check in at least daily and draw strength and comfort from the folks here, and more recently, try to give it back.

The thing that came to mind, after this group, was sitting daily with a lined spiral notebook and writing my thoughts, my questions, options to consider, and most important how I felt and why. I was loyal and it helped me figure out what was really bothering me and even answer some of my questions.

I also learned to enjoy my alone time. I enjoyed being free to cook what I wanted and when. I listed them. Sharon

At first I stayed busy, working, cleaning and pretending everything was okay. I know now that was my denial. I searched for help but the closest help is 45 minutes away and early afternoon during business hours. But I found DS and this family has been sanity, encouragement and great support.

I have thought of checking into how to get a support group started locally during non working hours. I know there are others in this area in need as I am and talking to others knowing we all have these emotions and fears in common does help to share.