So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in March after a massive heart attack. I had about 4 days with him when they told us he was going to die. I don't know when it gets easier. It is a little bit but most days I still cry all day long. This is difficult very difficult. You can always chat with me if you want to talk. I understand what you are going through.

Hi beaky,

I know the power of your heartbreak. I offer you my condolences. You fought this hard battle along the front lines alongside with your husband. And by this act, you were the one most important to him as he needed and depended on you to help him through the transition from this life to that of the other side. So not only is it you who's thankful for this, but I'm sure that your husband is most grateful to you for faithfully standing by his side on a day-to-day course, indeed you did it, and amazingly during unbelievable times of stress and moments of great emotional agony. You deserve better than sadness.

The truth is that your instincts only "appear" as automatic at present because you still have the same motivational feelings in which you depended on using as a brave leader. You may see this feeling as a real fact too; it is because your husband was entrusted to your care for a very long time and naturally your heart, mind and emotions must unwind in order to compensate for the loss of energy; you need a good supply of the "go-go power," which is usually difficult to recover to this healthier point and not always simple for a caregiver to shake off, especially during the first few stages of the grieving process.

However, sadness naturally sweeps in minds of all people during grievous times. You are never alone when it comes to that. Only be certain that you do have the reserve of power to put yourself in control by turning away distracting ideas as soon as one enters your mind; sneaky little devils too; it's all about what you think of and how you turn about the process of ideas, but you must learn to process while correcting bad ideas at the same time, then you may find healthy feelings targeted towards your heart for emotional comfort. You can do this by actively finding your "healing attitude."

You state that you already have an amazing support system; use this to your advantage; they are at-the-ready now to be brave for you. Perhaps, centering around close family and trusted friends is an excellent time for talks; blocking your own troubling ones. Conversation with others is a great(!) distraction. Many good ideas from others will inspire you take control of this *alone* feeling you have now. So you may consider to place in your-very sweet- mind the idea of inviting your caring circle of protective family and friends in the home to sustain you with their love and their attention, and I am sure that in no time the entertaining of much company will safely lead into many ways for you to stay busy in a day's time. Enjoy the rush of love!

Remiah <3

My heart aches for you...... My husband passed away in January and I know how hard it is to deal with all different emotions that comes in your way. I was never good at coping with stress and life issues to begin with, and this tragedy have absolutely turned me crazy. I have gone from sad to depressions, suicidal to craziness and everything else there of...
It is a very hard road even with a support from the family and friends, it's still a lonely road that we walk alone....
At some point we accept that, it is real, he is not coming back. And we function and move along as sun rises and sunsets...
Take your time, do what your heart pleases, whatever happens God knows your pain and sorrow..
One day, we will actually have courage to move on and have some sort of peace in our heart..
Hugs.

Oh, Beaky, I am so very sorry for your loss. I took care of my husband over a long illness and yes, in the beginning, we do seem to feel like we are on automatic pilot and need to keep doing the same things. My husband was at home, and later on he was on hospice (at home) but it took me awhile to realize that my day no longer centered around his food, medicine, hygiene, etc. I really felt lost in the beginning, like "What am I supposed to do now?" I still remember the first time I went to the grocery store and automatically filled the cart with food that he liked until I realized that was no longer necessary. It took all I could do not to burst into tears in the grocery store. That was almost a year ago and yes, I have found that it gets easier with time, but it's still hard some days. Like today, for example. I am glad that you have found this group and hope you keep coming back................we are all here for you.

Sylvia