The way I look at it, is it's not something to ever "get over". I get annoyed when people say that I will "get over" it. It's something to get through that never goes away. My Mom told me she will be sad about my loss of Alex for the rest of her life. Do you like going to support groups? I haven't been to one yet. School keeps me busy, but I see a grief counselor.

A couple of years after Tim died (we were together 38 years), I asked my longtime shrink about the length of time people grieve actively. She said, in general, people grieve actively 1 year for every 5 years they were together. She also said that she's seen some who grieve longer, and some who act like they had never been married as soon as the spouse dies. So there's the individual factor also. My Tim died 6 years ago next month. I have noticed that I seem to be doing better just recently. I actually had the thought that it was nice to be alive the other day. Of course I immediately felt guilty for the thought, but it was the first time I've felt like that, even for a moment since he died. At 1 year per 5 Tim & I were married, that would be a bit over 7 years of really grieving for me. (I don't think we ever recover completely.) I guess what I'm saying is that it takes time. Much more time than the "1 year" everyone seems to expect. I do believe that hearts heal eventually. They have permanent scars, they just heal with them. Take care.
Dianne

Don`t apologize for sharing something that obviously is an important part of all aspect of grieve. . When I was 17 I used to help care for a 6 year old little boy with bone Cancer, during the summer at was at their house 80 hours plus per week. He passed a few months later and to this day when the anniversary comes around I am sometimes a mess that day...I am now 49...There will always be reminder that bring a wave of pain.

I think healing is always an option no matter how much you feel its been pushed past the point of no return. We grieve our loss. That's definitely true. For me it seemed the grief controlled me and every part of my life. That needed to be for a period of time that is different for all of us. After that I began to feel the need to feel more than pain and loss. I needed to smile and eventually laugh. These positive emotions caused guilt at first, almost like I was being disrespectful by seeking joy. But it's not disrespectful. It's honoring the love we shared and the person we shared ourselves with.

I heard once "share the joys and forgive the loss. " I will always remember those words. Grief changes us in some ways for the better. We learn more about ourselves that were hidden and we become better people, if we choose life. Sharon

It is different on the surface for some. Because some dive into so much...to forget the loss. Usually that will backfire. The heart, brain and calender are not in sync on the loss,also one will trip the other.
Dates like the anniversaries tend to create big expectations. I thought that at one year there would be a switch that flipped. Grief begone! Ha. I know now I must wire that switch first....
So I am now putting in the work to find a life that is mine not ours. Even that has pain. But there doesn't seem to be an easy alternative but to work through it. 21 months next week, the calender date always gets to me . I now call it 23rd itis. Letting the pain have it's own way then getting up off the floor again and brushing off any stains from it. Stepping forward again.

By that equation....well it makes more sense than a set number of months or years.

NutritionMagician: The support group is for loss of someone to suicide, I'm a 34 year old male and the group is middle aged women which is fine with me but they say males that come to the group leave straight away or never come back. I think any support group is a good idea, i just can't talk to friends or family about it anymore it's like a month has past so no one is interested anymore. It's hard to go at first because your going to see people in pain and bring up your own pain but when you hear people talk about their own situation you realize you all in the same boat. ANYWAY. . . I highly recommend finding a support group

Suicide must be such a difficult death to accept for a spouse, parent or a child. I have no idea what that added burden feels like, but anything that painful piled on top of what we all feel, is beyond what anyone should have to bear. I would hope that healing is still possible for all that are going through this very worst form of grief. I am heartsick for her. I hope someone will tell her that regardless of how her husband left this world, that he is loved and held safe in God's care, and to never let anyone tell her differently. Regardless what some may say, God loves unconditionally.