I wrote last week about going to the cemetery to "talk/visit" with my husband & how I couldn't find where he was buried. It was horrible. Anyways, I was told that a marker was to be put in yesterday until the headstone was completed. So today I stopped at the cemetery & tried to find the marker. Of course I couldn't find it. Funny thing though, my distant cousin was also at the cemetery a little ways across from me, visiting his parents. I waited til he turned to leave before calling over to him. So we talked & dumb me was saying how I couldn't fin the marker. So this distant cousin that I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw, helped me on my search & low & behold, there was the headstone. Not just a marker but the actual headstone. I was told it wouldn't be in place until May or June. So I was very surprised. After my cousin left, I knelt down to talk to Tom. It was so upsetting. Maybe seeing the headstone is a way for me to have to accept my husband is gone. I try to think of Spring & new beginnings and all that, & how it is a way to move on, but I just can't get over the death of my husband. I just can't understand why this happened. He didn't deserve this any more than I or my children did. I know I have to go on but I am finding lately that I just don't want to. How do you get thru this ache? Its like my life is over but I know I have to be here for my children. Thanks for letting me get this out. It just hasn't been a good day.