When its placed and you go to view it..... DO NOT GO ALONE!!!.... It hits too hard. I went alone, got a double with my name on it too.....

I'm sorry for your pain. I lost my husband on the 14th of Nov. Although, I had him cremated I had to pick his Urn which will be mine as well when it's my time. Our ashes to be mixed together and then put out to sea. I know when I picked it up I felt like I'd been sucker punched and my heart felt like it was ripping apart all over again. Thankfully, my girlfriend and her son we feel as our own was with me. But, I wasn't expecting his memorial picture to be on the front of it. I have it next to our bed now that I'm back home when I'm working. I talk to him every day and night it helps. But, I agree with Sandeestttn do not go there alone the first time no matter how you think you can handle it. It will rip you apart! Hugs and wishing you easier days ahead!

It's hard dealing with the business side of loss when the emotional side is so consuming. My husband was cremated and I picked up the urn containing his ashes alone. Not because I thought about it, I just did it on autopilot. I was in a fog and drove home before losing it. I seemed to do a lot without thought back then. I'm sorry for your loss and hope being with others here gives you a sense of not being alone with your pain. Sharon

oh, Im dreading the headstone design.
my daughter and gkids will probably make it hard. they might disagree. I think it should be what HE would want. they may not agree.

Aftermom

You need to do what he'd want and what you need! The kids can put their input in as well. But, stick to your heart!!!

Its never easy, burying, cremating. We are without our special loves, and it just consecrates the infinitie, they will never return within this physical realm.....much love and big hugs carla

My husband and I went to the cemetery years ago and picked out our "spots".....so glad that we did it then as we laughed and joked throughout the process. Once they were paid for, we started paying for the vaults. It was a blessing to me later that we had already taken care of this. It was NOT fun when he went to the burial site, but at least it was taken care of.

I picked out the stone, designed iit, paid for it, all by myself. My kids didn't want to be a part of it all...

I picked up my husbands ashes alone but when I got home, my son (my husbands step-son) took over the heart-wrenching task of messaging the bag containing the ashes into the carved-box urn. My son spoke to my late husband with great care as he performed this difficult duty. It is singularly the one bright spot for me in the darkness of despair I felt in those early weeks.

my husband passed on 7/29/2015. I made arrangements the next day and then I had to decide the cementary. If I choose the town where we live I had to go to city hall. They they showed me the location in which we had to pick from. I picked the spot but I purchased my plot as well which was very bizarre in that state of mind. Imagine trying to pick your husband plot because he just died and picking yours at the same time.

On October 7th me and my daughter went to pick out a headstone. They said it would take 8-10weeks . It was put up 3 weeks later on November 2nd. It was a double headstone and still seemed so odd to have my name on but still so permanent for him.

Sure does feel strange to see two names on the stone, only waiting one more date.

Yes, it does seem weird seeing my plot and name on the stone. I am the only visitor there, my children do not go. I clean the stone, sweep off the plot. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are beside him, I will be on the other side of him. So, no one goes to visit. I place flowers on them all, clean them all up. When I am gone, who will do it? My guess, nobody.. Sandee

Cliff's stone was not put in place until 2 years after the fact. I designed it and ordered it through the funeral home instead of the cemetery as the cemetery guys were ripoffs and had created more problems than helped. There was no hurry for me to put the stone in as no one but me and the kids ever went, and we hated going to the cemetery. None of us felt him there or derived any comfort at all from being there. My younger son and I passed the cemtery every morning on the way to school and work. That was depressing, not comforting.

The cemetery would not bury Cliff without payment up front. I had to wait on the autopsy report to get the death certificate to get the life insurance money to pay for the funeral and plots. The funeral home advanced it for me and I paid them when the life insurance came through.

About a week after he was buried, the cemetery guys called me to have me come, supposedly to sign more papers. Cliff died Veterans Day, the funeral was just before Thanksgiving. Anyway, I went to the cemetery office, and it turned out the real reason they wanted me to come back was to give me a sales pitch to buy my own prepaid funeral. (I had already signed the papers for two plots.) The kicker was I was told they they were running A HOLIDAY SPECIAL - yeah, on funerals! All I could think was, 'You a@@holes, my holidays are already going to be real special this year....." It was just so crass! No, I didn't buy my funeral, and it's just as well as I won't be buried next to him. My sister will be buried next to him. When I go, I have no idea where I will be when that happens - here in England or back in the USA, and I am beginning to think cremation might be a better answer for me. My heart is already scattered with Cliff buried in Florida and my folks buried in California and me here in England. I don't have an answer yet for myself.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I just look up to the north sky, up to Mt. Lemon mountains, 9,000 feet elevation in Arizona. Very simple, no headstone, no services, no cemetery salesmen for thousands of dollars, just the funeral guy scattered John's ashes up to the desert forest, and when the rains come his ashes will float down the creek. John was Italian, he had superstitions about being buried 6 feet under, then waking up, so I honored him and know he's up in the mountains, free and clear. But I kept a handful of John's ashes and bones in a little red tin can from Celestial Seasonings tea bags that he liked. John is in my heart and soul, not 6 feet under. That's where I'm going too.

Nanette i will always think about you and your husband when i see Mt. Lemmon. What a wonderful way to honor your husband. I just am no where no way ready to let go of my sweet husbands cremains. It freaks me out and makes it hard to breathe to even for the word... cremains. That receptive holds my Husband!

I am not ready to let go. I can still talk to him am pat "him" when I pass by. I know he really isn't there, but it is still comforting to me. I can't bear to think of having all that is physically left of my sweetheart buried or tossed to the wind. I know this might not be healthy but I just can't move past it. It has been over 4 months. Maybe later.

Some of his children would like tge plot and headstone thing, but our daughter understands. Am I crazy? I don't want to become Norma Bates.