For me I had my name put on the same headstone so now it represents the place I am going where I will be reunited with my spouse. Yes the headstone definitely makes it feel more real. A big hug to you my friend. Gerald

I am right there with you. My husband is in a military cemetery, so I can almost picture it. It will look just like his father's in the same cemetery. They told us two months, so the out of town chidlren made plans to come back this weekend and see the gravesite. We found out it was in place two weeks ago. I have been trying to work up the courage to go alone to look at it so I will be prepared when I go with the children this weekend, and I just couldn't do it.

Every time we visited his father's and stepfather's graves he would talk about being there someday. And I would always sush him, and tell him how far away we were from that happening.

I am crying as I write this. My heart goes out to you and to all of us. I believe I will eventually get comfort in the fact that it is a llovely place, he is near his daddy and stepfather, aunt and uncle, and that it will always be kept up because it is a military cemetery. But right now...

I can relate to that very well. I had big fears, but the fears were groundless I found out. I ordered a double monument also, and had my name (and our pictures) put on it. I thought I might pass out when I saw it for the first time, but my actual reaction was how beautiful and honoring it was for Joe and I could see what my kids would be seeing after my future death. It turned out to be a quiet, calm time when I saw the final culmination of honoring my beloved. I pray you will have the same feelings when you go to the grave and see it. Best wishes.

I know what you mean. It is so hard for me even to decide if I should put my husband's urn to niche. I also wanted to have my name on the plaque along with his but my daughters did not like the idea. My younger daughter kept him for a while and I had practically force her to get him back to me. I had him in my new home, lay out his shoes by the door, some of his clothes in the closet and drawers. It makes me felt as if he would be there with me. I know I am a bit crazy on this.

Well the headstone is in place and I went to see it. Wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Planning to buy some things to plant around it this weekend.

Also, it is a double headstone with my name too. On the back it says "Our greatest gifts" and lists the names of our 4 children.

My grandparents, my parents, my stepfather, and my husband/myself all bought our headstones years before each passed away. As we visited other graves, we would see our headstone. When my husbands death date was added, I went and stared at it. Just made me sad, no other reaction.
Guess my family is weird.

My wife requested her ashes be spread in the mountains, and that is what we did.. I can see her (the mountains) from my kitchen window. I do sometimes wish I had some sort of permanent marker with her name on it.

Rose,

Planting something around the stone sounds like a lovely idea. One year in autumn, I planted tulip bulbs at both sides of my parents' headstone. The following spring they bloomed profusely, and they continued to bloom for a few years thereafter. When the flowers withered, I clipped them off and the greenery still looked nice. You might want to try it this fall.

I also like the "greatest gifts" inscription on the back ... so meaningful.

Hoping you have a comforting weekend.

When Mark died, at his request I had him cremated . Since we had not decided what do to with the ashes, I had them placed in a beautiful box - a picture is in my photos. His box sits on my dresser. When the time is right, the children and I will decide where to scatter his ashes. But I will always have his "box". :)

Mary

In my above reply, I talked about our graves. My husband was cremated and so will I. I spread his ashes on top of the ground below our headstone. He wasn't specific about his spreading, but I want to be spread on top of the ground. I want to fly like a butterfly, float on the wind.

When my husband got killed I let my two daughters help pick out the headstone and the Military furnished the foot stone. He was buried in his family cemetery which only added to our grief. The blades on the mowers the people mowed the graveyard with hit the corners of the footstone and left deep scratches in it. We contacted the person who was responsible for the mowers and was related to my husband. She was so rude to me and my family and she simply did not care. We replaced the FS and when mowing season started we went to put flowers on his grave and saw the mowers had mowed over the FS and had left marks. I thought about talking to a lawyer but decided not to I had taken them to court and I lost it would be a wasted expense. I never knew my daughters never liked where he was buried until this happened. I found a cemetery not far from where I live and had him moved to it and when we went to see the new place he is at now it was like we had had a weight lifted off us knowing he is close and not at the other cemetery. I have no ill feelings toward the person who was so rude and un caring to us and is no longer living. It turned out to be a blessing because I have MS and my children can drive me to my husbands resting place without walking where as I would have eventually not been able to visit the other one because of the distance to get to it.

I was at the cemetery this evening to water some flowers I had planted last week. My daughter is visiting this weekend so she went with me. This was the first time my daughter has seen the headstone, being that it was just installed last month & my daughter lives out of town. But anyways it was very bittersweet. I miss my husband a lot but I feel so bad for my daughters. But when we were there we both were surprised to see so many solar powered lights. Some were butterflies, some were angels, some just small lights. All were very pretty though. The butterflies changed colors. I am definitely going to buy some of these & put by our headstone. Seeing all the pretty, colored lights, helped to make a not so pleasant visit a little less painful. (By the way, I too have my name on our headstone, pretty much just did this so that when I die my children wont have to worry about it. Seeing my name & birthdate on the headstone is somewhat strange though)