I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. 10 yrs ago my husband was here in the morning and gone in the afternoon. A heart attack I guess. We lived in FL at that time and my sister was down on vacation. So glad she was cus I went into shock. The first year is the worse year, believe me! But you can get through it. Just remember he is always with you. The pain will ease altho the grief will be with you forever. You learn to live with it. Most of us who has lost a husband does.

I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. I can say that what got me through after losing my husband almost 6 years ago was to take life one day at a time. I could not imagine life without him and the physical pain was so deep and overwhelming. Breathe deeply, pray if you are a believer and find what helps you get through those awful moments. Grief takes you on its own journey and it’s different for each of us. Come to this site and share whatever you need to. I know that it helped me tremendously just knowing that others had survived this. No one else will understand like those of us who have been there. Even though each experience is unique, there is commonality in this loss. Do what you need in a healthy way to get through. You need to drink water, try to eat well and exercise if you can. I found I did better emotionally when I felt better physically. Slowly, over much time, I found I went a day without crying and feeling the intense physical pain. That helped me continue on this journey without my love but to this day I do feel him with me.

Thank you vinlin and Msbklyn. I need to hear from others. I'm in total shock, crying, screaming even, raging. I understand grief from other sudden losses, but this by far is the worst. Some moments I don't want to go on - and yes, I do have support, but if you haven't lost your one and only, and you are relatively young also, it is hard to explain. Thank you for your replies.

Sorry for your loss and know exactly how you feel. Agree that the first year is the hardest but it will get better. Follow your heart and do not let people tell you to just get over it because that is impossible. Sometimes I cried so hard thought my eyeballs would fall out but you know what, that is okay, it's healing. You will begin to feel ok in time, take one day at a time and allow yourself to grieve. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and don't let anyone minimize your pain. We on this site know that pain, have felt it and are here for you.

thanks so much lovesloons. thank you.

I too know how hard this grief journey. It is the hardest thing you will ever do.

Time will help you, even when you think you are not moving forward, time is doing it's healing work. We just want it to get better and feel better now and it can't.

thank you bunbun

calihoneybee
Have you looked into a support group that meets through zoom or in person? It is very helpful.

appreciate the thought. i have some support, thanks.

My wife of 25 years died three years ago and I have been on the path that confronts you. The counsel that others have offered is spot on. "The pain will ease, but the grief is forever." Both the pain and the grief will subside, but progress will be slow and punishing. That is the reality of this devastating loss. You will find your own way through it. Disillusionment, anger, hopelessness, tears, and more tears are inevitable. Allow yourself all these emotions. All of us in your shoes have been there.

The day will come, after what seems like forever, when meaning returns to your life. As others have said, he will always be with you. Whether you are spiritual or not, you will discover that to be true. It will provide a foundation for the rest of your days. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't you hate being told that cliche? Sorry.

Your first sentence happyparkers is most meaningful to me, as is the description of "progress" as slow and punishing, and this being the reality. I have been through many sudden losses in my family, all were horrible, took me years to regain footing. This is entirely the worst. I feel my feelings, and came here to this 'chat' to express the messy reality to people who understand. I don't need 'fixing' I just need accompaniment by people who have been there. Thank you very much - cliches and all.

Thank you happyparkers for your insight. Those who have a new loss really to to those who have paved the way for some sign that we will find healing. When you have no joy or vision of happiness, it helps to find hope in journey.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of almost 36 years on 10/24/21 after a long illness. I'm struggling to try to find meaning in a situation I cannot understand. I cry over unrelated stuff--I don't think she had an attachment to 'So You Wanna Be a Rock and Roll Star,' but I started bawling in the kitchen when it came on. I have a feeling this group of people is going to be helpful to me in the future.
Mark

I am so sorry for all of you and your losses. I know the pain all to well. Is it just me or do some of you agree that losing a spouse is a much different loss than losing a parent or sibling? Not that I don't grieve over those losses, it just feels so much more intense. I lost my husband in 2012. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and seven weeks to the day he passed. We had 34 years together. One of the first things he wanted to do after we found out, he asked me if I would marry him again. So we renewed our vows. He was such a wonderful decent man. He was a true father to my five kids and we had one together. There was no step- anything in our house. My(our) kids bought him the Brad Paisley CD, "The dad he didn't have to Be." He spent most of the 7 weeks in the hospital, he was out long enough for our renewal. On a Monday morning September 24, 2012 he was not well at all, Everybody was at the hospital. He kept saying help me, help me and he would scoot to the bottom of his bed. This went on for a couple of hours. Our youngest turned on country music, my husband was always in a country band. That calmed him down. The song that he always sang was Don't Close Your Eyes. It came on and I was sitting beside him holding his hand and when that song came on I put my head down and cried. The song ended and I put my head up and opened my eyes and our son who is Fire Chief was right there and when I looked at him he just nodded. My husband passed while I had my head down and that song was on. Its an image I can't get out of my head. I was told by a therapist I processed his death in a very unhealthy way, that we were going to have to reprocess it in a healthy way. I don't know how to do that though. You can't un see something. But we all have to somehow get through the horrible times. I remember one night about 2 am, I was in bed and I was overwhelmed with grief. I was crying, but I didn't think I was loud, it was dark in my room and the next thing I knew I felt someone lay down beside me, It was my 17 year old grandson he just held me while I cried. He was sleeping down the hall and heard me crying. We are going to have our times. I feel I will have mine for the rest of my life. But I know our loved ones don't want us to be sad and crying over them. So think of something you can do to honor them when you feel you are at your lowest. Sorry this was so long. Take care all of you and know you aren't alone.