I'm at 16 months Gail and am having some of the same issues. The anger has almost passed but I absolutely cannot get interested in anything. I never in a million years thought that I would ever be bored with crossword puzzles and reading, but I am. Used to be thrilled doing gardening....just tepid about it now. I think I am going crazy. Was doing well I thought but now it feels like back to square one. Hugs from AZ. Dar

I know exactly how you 3 feel...I have no wise words to say but I am at the part of this journey where I really do see some sort of light ahead. I am slowly going towards it....the only way for me to go ..and when I just cant move I am learning to rest...sending you all very gentle hugs

I get ya . . . at 15 months (with a broken leg the past three), I am absolutely bored out of my mind. Feeling stuck, yet wanting to move on, as in yesterday already. My skin crawls with anxiety of wanting to do something, anything that will elicit some joy or dash of happiness. I have my fur babies, they help comfort . . but I suspect, rather know, they are becoming as bored in their lives as I am. As for the anger part, I lived with that emotion for far too long. I think it has somewhat dissipated and I'm just left feeling flat-lined. I wish I had some answers for you. Although I've written a rather negative response (as it is how I feel today) . . I have had some coming up for air days and days that felt somewhat normal. I remain hopeful that I will start to have more of these positive days rather than the stagnate stuck days. Round of hugs, D

Sorry you are feeling so angry and fed up -- that is normal, been through it myself. Unfortunately, it's one of those things that pops back up now and again, too. And I understand your being fed up with "everyone's bullshit trivial everyday life." I remember sitting and listening to coworkers going on and on about BS and just thinking 'oh if you only knew....'

Hang in there. Can you do something to get a little pampering in? Like maybe a massage or something? That helps sometimes.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

I too know how this feels. Everything is just dull and rote and I'm "going through the motions" doing what I must day to day but not at all feeling the passion I used to feel for life when my husband was with me. But I have planned a three-day beach getaway for myself at the end of this month as something to look forward to. I am just going to stay still and rest there and not keep going like a robot through these daily grinds.

I know so well your feeling about having to listen to other people's "issues" when we are all dealing with the ultimate issues -- life, death, eternity, loneliness, sadness, chaos, etc., and they, most times, appear to be complaining about pure trivia.

Oh yes the trivia and drama of everyone else's lives. We all know from experience that absolutely none of it matters. Yet before we began this agonizing journey we too had our share of bullshit trivia. I see it everyday too. And would not wish this on anyone. They don't get it and won't until they walk this path. Hang in there Gail, we all get you! Hugs, Michele

Understood, Gail. It took me a year and a half to be able to even read a book. And longer to not get pissed at anyone for simply being alive. I get it. And I get the exhaustion, too.

Gail, so sorry you're feeling fed up. I've felt like that many many times.
And the exhaustion! You are not alone.

Dar, I used to be a voracious reader, I'd stay up half the night to finish a book. I've lost interest since my husband passed. The only books I've read are about grief. I even discontinued the newspaper.
I hope the day will come when I want to read again.

I'm NOT alone.......I feel like a big bit of ALL of you.

Damn, it hurts so much. I know I'll NEVER be the same and only on rare occasions, lately, I'll find my smile. And wonder if the joy will ever come back and when it does [please tell me it will], will I recognize it?

At first, I thought it was the gloomy weather, than the sun came out and it even felt worse because he wasn't here to enjoy it with me! Will I ever stop judging EVERYTHING?

I hate being critical and have always stayed away from critical, negative, judgmental people and now here I am the person I stay away from!!!!

Come back Roz.....I'm here waiting for you!

Roz

Gail, so sorry. I will admit I find myself jealous of my married friends and sometimes it's too hard even to hang around them. I get angry when they complain , "my husband did this" or why "won't he try this" , all it makes me think about is what I wouldn't give to have mine by my side. Hang in there. Love and hugs

I'm coming up to 20 weeks on Thursday...and I know what you mean...hating everything...
I wish I could just join my husband and be done with this pain...

I'm screaming with you!!!! Haven't had a very good 11 weeks. I'm hugging you too. Kim

I don't wish the grief journey on anyone. Lately I have been going through some breakthrough moments. I have struggled since day one with "aloneness." No matter how many people are around, I just feel I am on this journey all alone. I have lots of girlfriends that I do things with and am in a support group that helps. I believe the breakthrough came when I read this little blurb online where it states that the aloneness will be there because we are always looking for that special person we lost who is no longer there. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, no matter where I am - I long to see my husband. My heart is just broken he isn't by my side holding my hand. So the journey continues - he is gone and I have to continue on with life - alone.

I am 9 months out as of yesterday and I can relate as everyone here probably can to one degree or another. I have absolutely NO tolerance level for anything. Hearing people talk about their plans or seeing a couple walk down the street together just makes me both angry or sad. Im glad people have that chance but I want to run up and tell them to savor every moment just incase its the last one you get. I have tried explaining my feelings to my family as far as going to family get togethers.... Everyone has someone and my husband isn't there anymore. I am incomplete and lost. Their response is "well its something you have to deal with" YEA SURE!!! you try it!! Sending HUGS your way