I am so sorry for your loss, and so sorry you find yourself on this journey. I lost my wife of 31 years on August 21st 2013. Counseling was extremely beneficial for me.
I wish I had some good advice on how to find the counselor you are looking for, but I dont know how to help. I will encourage you not to give up looking. If you think you need to talk to someone then it is my guess it will be helpful when you find the right program.
Myself, I am not one to reach out for or ask for help, but accepting the counseling services offered by the hospice my wife was with was a life saver for me. At two months I was falling apart and just didnt know what else to do. I made the phone call. My fist visit lasted two hours, and for about two and a half hours afterwards, I felt almost kind of ok. At first I was going twice a week. It was always up to me as to how often I would go. I was fortunate in I had a counselor that by simply listening with few comments and suggestions just knew what I needed. In that first year I had eighteen visits. Looking back I cant believe I did that, it is just not like me to do that. I cried, at least a little bit during every visit, but those were tears of healing that I so desperately needed.
Everyone is different in their grief, just as every counselor is different. For me counseling was something I really needed.
Martin

Hate to have to welcome you to this group. My wife of 21 years left on Oct 25th so I'm not at 2 months yet...Most grief support groups meet at churches or other houses of worship but that doesn't necessarily mean the group is religiously oriented. As aloneishard stated, check hospice groups near you and contact them to see if they can recommend local meetings. I know your area well - close friends lived on Military Rd in Fed Way....all the rain in Wash probably won't be a great help....

Many medical plans include out patient therapy / counseling so that could be investigated.

For some reason, this past week has been really tough for me. This site has proven very helpful - reading about how others are processing the same type of anguish. Lots of common ground in here.

Please seek out a good counselor. I too well remember how I felt at this same stage. I saw an excellent counselor who was associated with a psychiatric practice. On my first visit, I cried the whole time...and it was therapeutic. She was compassionate and objective. While our friends and family certainly mean well, sometimes we need to get guidance from someone who doesn't love us so much. I saw her for a period of several months and it helped immensely to get me out of that "who am I and where am I going now" stage of grief. I'm now at the 18 month stage and with the holidays coming up, am still experiencing grief, but it is nowhere near the level that we experience right after our loss. I wish you the best.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I agree with the others, a therapist or a grief support group can be extremely helpful. Your insurance company should be able to help you find one, or ask your doctor for a recommendation. I called my insurance company, and found a therapist close by.

Crying really does help. Don't be ashamed to let it out, It's therapeutic.
I read a few books on grieving and loss. There are lists of books on this site that people have found helpful.

Remember, you are not alone. We're all on this journey, and we understand. This site has been very helpful and comforting to me.

Hugs,
Janie

I am very sorry for your loss. I have found counseling to be very helpful. I found my counselor by asking at the oncology office where my husband was being treated. I think if you ask your physician for recommendations you will get some resources.

I did both individual counseling and a support group. For me the support group thru hospice was the most beneficial. I attended for two years and we became good friends. Our group focused on moving forward, not living in the past and that was our choice. Our group facilitator allowed us to take the group where we needed to go. We discussed things like changing light bulbs on our own, doing laundry, getting the oil changed in the car. I know that might seem petty, but it was what we needed to talk about. We did talk about our future, but we focused on one day at a time and today was our focus.

There were men in our group too and as women we helped them and as men they helped the women. When I attended the one on one counseling, I didn't feel like I had what I needed. My issues were more universal than individual and I needed to hear from others in my situation.

I wish you luck in finding what you need.

Nessie from KY

Thanks everyone.. I will keep looking then and try some of the suggestions you all mentioned..I too am not one who usually reaches out for help, but a part of my brain must have thought i should.

thanks again

I got counseling through the Employee Assistance Program at work, and it was free. It was very helpful for me - like my private place to sceream and cry. I did not have to hide my feelings in the counselor's office - that alone made it worth it! If you are working, see if there is anything available through your employment.

My sons witnessed their father's death, and both needed counseling, too. My older son received it through my counselor so it was also free. My younger son was still in school, and met with his guidance counselor and the school psychologist and his counseling was also free. It is good to check to see if you have these resources available to you if you have kids.

Hope this helps. I am a big believer is counseling. If your leg was broken in several places you wouldn't hesitate to get treatment for it. Do the same for your broken heart....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Finding a counselor I can relate to.First don't be shy about changing or trying different people. It can be difficult to find someone who you feel comfortable with. Someone who gets where you are. Some people I just could not make a connection that felt right. Second you might be surprised at where you find a good counselor. Even though I have a bit of dislike for "god" right now, I found the best person I have to talk with is a clergy member. He never brings religion into our discussions unless I do. There are also some online widower groups that can help connect you with other widowers thru email.
Mark

thanks. I did try EAP and my work referred me to counselors who when i called said they didn't work with my program..I got so angry about that, I didn't try again..

the day my wife passed, I found her when i got home from work..the image of how she looked keeps flashing into my mind all the time whether i'm thinking about it or not.

i'll start looking again and find someone..just seems so hard to even try somedays

I had the same issues and then I found my counselor at our local Hospice. I really trusted people who had dealt with death so often, they just got it. I'm so very sorry for your loss and I hope you find someone who will listen to you. Peace to you, Lori

Talk to your human resources/benefits person - they should be made aware that you were referred to people who say they don't work with your EAP. Your HR/Benefits manager should straighten that out and help get you connected to somebody. That's what they are paid to do, so ask them.

Re the flashbacks -- my husband Cliff died in my arms of a heart attack. I replayed that whole horrible morning like a tape loop - over and over 24/7. Finally, I got a notebook, sat down, and wrote out the whole experience in detail, crying my eyes out. Once I had finished writing it all out, I could tell myself that it was all there, safely tucked away in the notebook should I ever need all those details for any reason, so then I could stop replaying it. For me that helped. It doesn't cost anything to try that and see if it helps. I can tell you that I have only referred back to that a couple of times over the years. It freed my mind up enough to sleep, to function, etc.

Hope this helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

thanks, maybe i will try that..it was just hitting me again..fortunately i get into work about 2.5 hrs earlier than anyone else on my team so there's nobody here yet to wonder about the teary guy typing in the corner.

I may look into the local hospice for resources ; my HR department is about useless

From what I have heard, you can participate in the hospice grief support groups even if you did not use their services previously. It seems their grief groups are highly rated by most who participate. Wishing you peace - Doye

I believe it is time I look for counseling. Its been 22 months and the nightmares won't end. I need sleep without the fear of the nightmares. I think I have tried as much as I can alone.

I am sorry for your loss. Sandee