Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Harder Than I Thought

calgaryhair
calgaryhair
Today being Father's Day, I thought it would be a good idea for my son and I to go out for dinner. Just the two of us since his girlfriend is out of town for a few days. I soon realized that my son is still mourning his Dad. Of course, as it has been less the 5 months. In the process of buying his first house ,he misses my husband who would gladly give his advice. I tried to give the best advice I could and let him know his Dad cared so much for him. But I don't think it helped much. I came home feeling totally frustrated because I can not take the hurt away for my our son. I could just cry! What should be a thrilling time is not a thrilling time! My husband would be so happy that they are buying their first home! God, he would be jumping for joy!! The "firsts" of many for the coming years. I know there are thousands of parents in my shoes but it still hurts. Maybe as the years go by I will have a less tender heart and not so sensitive.Thanks for letting me vent. Diane
gerald222
gerald222
Diane I just had to respond to your post. I have watched my 21 year old dgt go into a deep period of grief the last 2 Mothers days. This last Mothers day I did everything in my power to make my dgt feel better. As you say we want to protect our kids from pain. My dgt told me this Mothers day "Dad you cant fix me". Another words I needed to respect her process of grieving. Others need sometimes to step back and let us grieve and we need to do the same thing for our children. Wishing both of you gentle days ahead.
calgaryhair
calgaryhair
Thank you! I needed to hear that. You are right. I cannot fix my Son and I have to let him grieve. They know where we are if they need us. Thank you sincerely. Hugs!
spellbund
spellbund
@calgaryhair: Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Diane. I am sorry to hear that you feel frustrated for not being able to take away your son's hurt. I can understand how you feel, because, even my mom tried her best to fill my dad's shoes when he passed away in my early 20's and she felt frustrated at times for the same reasons you mentioned.

I second gerald222's post where he mentioned "...I needed to respect her process of grieving." I'm sure your son will understand and appreciate all your efforts, Diane. Please know that you're in my prayers. "Hugs"

#LetItSnow