Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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loveddogs 06/30/2015

Ok, so the thought of going fishing in a boat with Lola, my daughter and her husband without my husband just brought a flood of tears. And I had a major melt down. I cried for hours! Was finally exhausted and finally got some sleep. Of course the kick in the guts was still there when I woke up. I did see my little Lola this evening when they stopped over and I gave her the birthday gifts. Tomorrow I am going to pick her up in the afternoon and head to the library. For only six, she is an avid reader. And I will have a chance to check out some books recommended by all you wonderful people. I will go Saturday when they have cake and ice cream and my other grand daughter is here. All these holidays and birthdays have been too many firsts for me. Easter, he was dying, April 20th my daughters birthday he was dying. April 23rd he passed. Mother's day he was gone, My son's birthday the 17 he was gone. Lola's first dance recital he was gone. Memorial day he was gone. June 14th anniversary of my mother in laws passing and meeting wiith his sisters from out of state he was gone. Father's day he was gone. Lola's birthday today (grandpa's girl) he is gone. So, Saturday the 4th we will celebrate and then there are no more holidays, special occasions or birthdays until Labor day. Maybe by then this used to love and now hate feeling will be gone or less intense. Hugs to all, Michele

Shrn 06/30/2015

Oh, Michele, I am so sorry for what you are experiencing. I know how hard it is to get through each and every day. It will change. There will be better days and then worse ones. You are going through the very hardest part of loss. Getting past the trauma of losing someone you love and had so many plans with makes it hard. We don't want to admit that it's true. I prayed to wake up from this nightmare so many times. But it wasn't a nightmare, it was my life. I care, my friend, I'm here for you. Sharon

loveddogs 06/30/2015

Thank you Sharon, The comfort I find in this support group has been amazing. I have to admit there are times that I dread checking this site because it can be so depressing seeing so many people in so much pain! However, I do check daily as it gives me so much hope that my lot in life and this horrible grief will slowly subside and I may actually once again find joy and peace. I know I will never stop missing him. How could I? I just want him back, or want to be with him. But I know that is not under my control. Just wish I could fast forward to a more peaceful time. Hugs to all, Michele

wendimac 07/01/2015

I'm so sorry, Michele...its so very hard to deal with all of these 'firsts' as I am finding out...since my husband passed in March, I've had my 45th birthday without him, Easter, what would have been his 60th on June 21, and tomorrow is Canada Day...although we never really bothered with that, it makes me sad to see all the ads about where to view fireworks, etc. Tomorrow I'll probably go somewhere with my son, and see all the happy families, which will remind me of what we once had, but have no more. One of the worst is still looming in the very near future...Aug 1 would have marked 22 years since we met at a local beach...every night when I go to sleep, I hope to wake up to find out that it was a big long bewildering nightmare...no such luck as of yet...
I guess we just have to hang in there...somehow...hugs, Wendi

KimKos 07/01/2015

Michelle. .it's hard so so hard...but a love like you have for yours ..will get you through...I know that sounds crazy but at my beginning it was the only thing that got me going...on really bad days that I didn't want to go to celebrations I went for him...sending you a very very gentle hug

ruthannstewart 07/01/2015

Oh Michele, I do understand those occasions that trigger more severe sadness, more than usual anyway. I guess that is when we let-go and let the feelings come and just happen. We are greaving and so this is what happens. We are all going to have the birthdays, anniversarys, and just triggers, like you, with the fishing. Knowing that he would have loved to be there with you and your grandaughter, it makes it hard to enjoy these things. My husband's bass boat and tractor, lawn mower and just everything in the pole-barn is, was,... my husbands. My boys use the tractor and mower but so far the boat still sits there. They have no desire to use Dad's fun-time things. My oldest son says he can't bring hisself to borrow Dads' truck, too much of seeing him in it. His personal items still in it and notebooks with his "plans" in it. He said that on Fathers' Day, when he wokeup that morning, he cried. I know that I don't greive alone. My boys keep alot to their selves, not wanting to hurt me.as little as possible. I'm still having my "mood swings" and I go back to read the advice that all the wonderful people wrote, You too sweetie, so we can send you our thoughts and hugs and tell you how we are and our experiences. I know it has helped me. Even tho we know that we must walk through this, that there is hope that our emotions will ease-up over the months to come, meanwhile we deal with things as best we can and try to help ourselves to carry on.

Hugs to you,
Ruthann

matoacalady 07/01/2015

Michelle....I am so sorry, they just keep coming don't they! I had to go thru a minor surg. for one of my kitties without him....he was the one who took them to the vet and I handled the meds.

I had to get the car inspected today and I cried the whole time....so stupid....but I could not get the tears to stop. WHEN does it get better, I hear in time, I am just about out of time with my sanity. I am so tired....no sleep last night as I was checking on the cat all night.

Hugs
Jen

matoacalady 07/01/2015

The first 4th is coming and our anniversary is next Sat....would have been 40 years. I want them back....I want him back......

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