you did stick with your wife to the end.
BUT she died, your heart didn't.. that length of monogamy does not change so automatically as death intervenes upon us.
I think it takes time.
but what do I know? 3 years is nearly upon me and I have not seen another man in that way.
I am sick of this aloneness! but still feel married.
I still have to work through healing. the most recent issue I contend with is feeling guilt. out of proportion to the context of our last time together.
Grief sucks.

Guilt is am aspect of grief, even when the survivor did everything 100% to the best of their ability, at the time.
It is very seldom accurate.
It is part of the sorrow.
Rick, I believe you will grow past guilt.
B.

“There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice”—-F. Scott Fitzgerald.
After 42 years loving your wife, you will never love in the same way again. It will be different. I always thought I would go first, I even thought about who I would pick out for my husband. LOL . After 2 years, I still feel much the same as AfterMom. But aloneness is tough. I think most of the spouses wouldn’t want the guilt OR aloneness for the one they had to leave.

I think what you are experiencing is "normal:. I hate to think of spending life alone especially in my not so golden years. Companionship would be nice down the road. I don't think you should feel guilty. Your loving wife would have wanted you to be happy. You will always love her.

Fidelity includes thinking and wanting only your spouse while you are both alive. When you have been in that faithful mode for decades, it is extremely unsettling to think in terms of another relationship. Old habits die hard. It feels very much like confusing and uncharted waters.

Guilt for wanting to love and be loved is unnecessary, but quite common. When you've been married for more of your life than not, it's strange to suddenly find yourself "single" much less "available."

You gave your wife as much love as you could for as long as was possible. That part of your work is done. She knew she was loved when she passed. That is a great gift. Don't feel guilty.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It hit me after a while that "till death do us part" was not just a bunch of meaningless words. It was in the vows to help those left behind realize that it was ok to move on if they wished. I looked at a new relationship from the standpoint of a shipwreck survivor. I was the only survivor floating alone in a lifeboat and was happy to have someone else in there with me. That did not mean I forgot about my life before the boat sank, or that I did not wish with all my heart that it never happened. It was just that here I am through no choice of my own, and I am going to make the best of it.

My husband died 9 years ago - and sometimes the grief is just as raw as it was when he passed. However, I've learned to function out of necessity and I still talk to him all the time.. I watched the movie, "The Best of Me", last night and it reminded me so much of when he and I met -- a few tears slid out of the corners of my eyes at those good memories.. If I could inject a little humor here, I'd like to - hoping not to upset any of you.. After a year of widowhood, I decided to try online dating; after all I'm not the ugliest crayon in the box and have lots to share.. Well, what a experience.. I met several guys that weren't interested in friendship and dating. They wanted 'oversexed Barbies' and I was to overlook their bellies.. The dating scene is NOTHING like it was when we met our spouses.. Was quite an eye opener for me... I could never live up to what these guys were wanting - like they were going through a 2nd childhood.. Don't get me wrong, there are nice guys and gals out there - most of them my age, if they truly want a friend, companion, romantic love - are willing to do just that... Sadly, I didn't meet any.. So, I went out and bought myself a whole slew of Ryobi battery powered tools and they work for me.. I'd rather be independent than unhappy.. Hugs to you all in this 'not asked for' journey.

I should have added that I enjoy being able to do carpentry work, repair work and building small things.. I have neighbors who will help if I need, but I feel better being able to do many of these things myself.. My husband taught me so much about building houses and repairing things, and I feel empowered by that.. Not so helpless..

I understand what you are feeling. I think because we are still in the beginning phases is why there would be guilt feelings. We are coming to terms with the fact that we will never again in this lifetime have them as our companions. As hard as this has been thus far the idea of being this lonely forever is gut wrenching. Although I cant imagine me with someone else I do know that alone is not something I do well. Having a companion that understood where you have been would be the best case scenario. I don't know what the future holds for me concerning that but I do know I cant live the rest of my days in isolation and despair.

I am coming up to the first year without my soulmate, he was my rock and on top of his loss his best friend pretend to be my friend until he wanted more than what I could give... He could not understand how I feel about needing the time to grieve... I never let him hold me because I didn't want to give him the wrong idea... But this week he decides he has had enough of this friendship because I won't come across... I realize now this was no friend and am so glad to have said no but I feel devastated because I know I want a relationship someday when not sure and I don't think anyone can tell me when I will be ready but I understand how you feel... nights are the worst and it isn't the sex it is the laughter, the hand holding the looking at each other and knowing what they are thinking... No you can't live in isolation and despair but I don't know where you can turn because people will judge and you will wonder if your mourning period was long enough... When it is right it is right for you until then keep trying to smile and keep busy..

Rick, I'm a little bit behind you, stumbling down this well-worn path to a different type of life. It's too soon for me to feel the need for the companionship I lost, but I know that soon I'll be experiencing what you're feeling.
After spending so many years in a truly loving relationship trying to replace that with another has no appeal for me, but wanting loving companionship is altogether different.
My bucket list still has a European River Cruise to cross off. I may well have to do that alone. Ideally traveling (in separate cabins) with someone who appreciates me and also understands that I'll always be the remaining half of a former whole would be most welcome. I know that Kurt would have no problem with that.
Using my cruise as a metaphor do you really believe that Glenda would want you to spend all of your remaining time alone on the cruise that is your life? Our hearts are forever with our spouses. Nothing will change that. Experiencing the human need for companionship should be guilt-free.