Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I only recently joined DS in June, and faithfully read all the topics and comments. I am so glad to have found this site, only wish I had found it much earlier. I have posted a very few topics and the replies have been very supportive, and for that I thank you,
It will be 3 years this Dec 9th that I lost my husband, David suddenly. We would have celebrated our 25th anniversary the following Feb. Some days it feels like just yesterday and other days it feels like so long ago. I no longer cry about him, us, etc.,. Even though there's no more crying, there's not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about him and about how much I miss him. Yet when I read some comments from others who are further along in this journey that are still crying I start to feel guilty. I question myself , am I moving forward too fast ? I know that everyone is different, and grieves differently, but I can not help but wonder. I don't want to think that rest of my life will be spend in a state of grief. David will always be a huge part of me and he will always be my soulmate, and will always be in my heart. But the thought of living in this pain of losing him for the rest of my life is so overwhelming at times.
I guess alot of my feelings come from seeing what happened with a close friend of ours at that time lost her husband suddenly from an accident at work. We all (there were several couples, including my husband and I ) tried to be as supportive as we could be, yet after awhile she just decided to separate herself from all of us, and started dating some old college boyfriend , that did not last. I did run into her a few times after that during the years and I could tell that she was still in a very dark place. We all tried to reach out, but to no avail. She did come to the veiwing and service for my husband and wrote a beautiful letter in the card for me. I called her awhile after that and we talked but even after 8 years, she was still in that dark place, and I just felt that I could not go into that dark place with her, I was trying to deal with my own pain and grief so soon after losing David. I guess what it comes down to is being scared of feeling the way she does even after 8 years.
I want to be able to enjoy watching my grandson who is 19 months old grow up, I want to be able to laugh and experience joy with my kids and not feel guilty. Most of all I truly do not want grief to define who I am. It is hard sometimes not to feel guilty for wanting to more forward. Because no matter what there will always be some who say that it was too soon and others who will say you are taking too long.
I sometimes tell myself something I heard even before I lost David, That the length of your grief is not a measurement of the love you have for the person you lost..
Just because there are no outward signs of greiving does not mean that the grieving is over.
It will be 3 years this Dec 9th that I lost my husband, David suddenly. We would have celebrated our 25th anniversary the following Feb. Some days it feels like just yesterday and other days it feels like so long ago. I no longer cry about him, us, etc.,. Even though there's no more crying, there's not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about him and about how much I miss him. Yet when I read some comments from others who are further along in this journey that are still crying I start to feel guilty. I question myself , am I moving forward too fast ? I know that everyone is different, and grieves differently, but I can not help but wonder. I don't want to think that rest of my life will be spend in a state of grief. David will always be a huge part of me and he will always be my soulmate, and will always be in my heart. But the thought of living in this pain of losing him for the rest of my life is so overwhelming at times.
I guess alot of my feelings come from seeing what happened with a close friend of ours at that time lost her husband suddenly from an accident at work. We all (there were several couples, including my husband and I ) tried to be as supportive as we could be, yet after awhile she just decided to separate herself from all of us, and started dating some old college boyfriend , that did not last. I did run into her a few times after that during the years and I could tell that she was still in a very dark place. We all tried to reach out, but to no avail. She did come to the veiwing and service for my husband and wrote a beautiful letter in the card for me. I called her awhile after that and we talked but even after 8 years, she was still in that dark place, and I just felt that I could not go into that dark place with her, I was trying to deal with my own pain and grief so soon after losing David. I guess what it comes down to is being scared of feeling the way she does even after 8 years.
I want to be able to enjoy watching my grandson who is 19 months old grow up, I want to be able to laugh and experience joy with my kids and not feel guilty. Most of all I truly do not want grief to define who I am. It is hard sometimes not to feel guilty for wanting to more forward. Because no matter what there will always be some who say that it was too soon and others who will say you are taking too long.
I sometimes tell myself something I heard even before I lost David, That the length of your grief is not a measurement of the love you have for the person you lost..
Just because there are no outward signs of greiving does not mean that the grieving is over.
Take care, Jeff
Also, the time frame in grieving is different for each of us. You will find some who are ready to socialize the first year and others who never get past the point of view of their loss. This group is a way to see how others are dealing with life and find your way.
I began this journey believing my life would be one of aloneness. I took steps to live as a happy individual. Our desires change over time. I began looking for companionship only on a platonic level. I socialized with a great friend for almost a year, but we both knew that we were changing in our lives and we were going in different directions. So, as they say, go with the flow and enjoy as much of the ride as you can. Release the emotions and don't deny them, but do it your way. :) Sharon
I would love to have my husband back today, right now, and always will. But it does not interfere with my day or quality of life. I've found that I can enjoy every day doing what I choose to do until such time as we are rejoined.
So, again, don't feel guilty, but empathy for the people you are speaking of. It takes so much out of you that again, some just can't recover.