Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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tpoulos 05/26/2011

Grieving takes longer than we want it to. Days, months, even years go by and we discover that the shock waves still reverberate in our scarred
spirits, that our grieving is still hesitant, still halting, still sparse of those
occasions that are healing.

But grief runs by its own clock, and as surely as we sometimes mourn with agonizing slowness, we will leap through other days, making astonishing strides toward recovery.....

death has separated us, but not completely. We have not parted compnay forever. I am only living away from you for a while....

NewRoadsForMe 05/26/2011

You said it exactly right.

michaelbmanning 05/26/2011

Grieving takes as long as it does; no time limits.

Maggie

Caroline04 05/26/2011

You are so right. Went to the cemetary today to lay a wreath for Memorial Day and I still sometimes can't believe my husband is there. I still cry when I go there, just can't help myself. I wonder how long it will take until I can go there and not cry? My stepson is buried right next to him as he passed nine months after his Dad. It's been almost two and a half years. I still miss him so much.

deleted_user 05/26/2011

Well said Tracy......after 8 months, I am still brought to tears every day by different things.....different thoughts. My grief will NEVER go away, it will just be more tolerable at some times than others.

Lininsocal 05/27/2011

AND just when you think your OK...

Nicker07 05/27/2011

Just when you think you are ok, perfectly said.
I fight the moments when it feels like I am not ok, I so want to be ok, and things be smoother.

My Granddaughter said the rain was Grandpa's tears from heaven cuz he misses us too.

deleted_user 05/27/2011

Just when I think I am through the worst of it another wave hits me. I thought I would be doing so much better after 19 months. I realize now, grief takes as long as it takes.
Hugs to all,
Helen

jerseydebbie 05/27/2011

Could not have said it better. Grief is a life long process. And, yes, our separation is only temporary.

deleted_user 05/27/2011

You are so right. There is no time schedule for grieving. I have experienced those sudden bright days in wonderment, only to be in agony the next. What I was thinking just yesteday was a time just after my husband's death where there was so little solace, and I completely alone, sobbed through out the day and did some pretty self injurious things. I still feel that pain of the scarred spirit as you put it so well.

prk218 05/27/2011

well said. thank you. It is good to have the support of people who understand and not like my sister who thinks that I need to address it and move on. Well, I am addressing it as best as I can and it is reassuring to know that others are grieving and that it is a long process.

NewRoadsForMe 05/28/2011

I will never not grieve, because to stop grieving would be saying that it was OK that he died and I'll just put that chapter of my life in a box and put it on the shelf behind my winter clothes. No, grief will always be in my heart, although no one may be able to see it. I now understand my mother, who was a widow for 14 years after my father died. She wore her wedding rings until she died and never thought of remarrying or even dating. Her grief became just a quiet sadness behind a smiling face. But it was always there because she adored my father. Now I know how she felt. Never knew until I lost my own love.

deleted_user 05/28/2011

Oh I remember when I hit the year marker..thinking ..ok this is the worst...but the grief didnt stop it seemed to get worse..around 15 months...I felt so low...I was on speed dial to God...thought I was going to lose it...now I just take it as it comes. The last few months have been very emotional again...but I know the second year marker is coming in a few months. Last year a large group of us met out at the gravesite, the preacher read some scriptures and we sent up ballons with scriptures to go where the Lord intended them too. Right now I have not made any plans...maybe I will just go out there by myself . God always looks after me...and I am so thankful. ~Blessings Debbie :)

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