Lord, I turn my grieving process over to You.
The first year I was "numb" (I thought is was okay)
The second year I was distracted by my precious daughters impending divorce and my son's buying a new house with all it's problems and paper work. (I thought I was okay).

But now I have nothing to distract myself and cannot really accept that my husband isn't coming back. I have to face that I have to plan a whole new life alone. God, please lead me in this also.

i dont know what i believe in anymore...i only know that i am so alone...and scared of what will become of me...it hurts so much...

In reply to your question, after our spouse dies, (I hate that word) but I agree the process of our grief has started, but we each have our own time for the healing to begin, which could be months or years. I wanted to share my thoughts of what I have learned since my husband passed over 14 months ago. We each have our own timeframe of grief. We (I) never will really get over grief but I have heard (and I agree with this) that we only learn how to manage our pain better as time passes. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve. FOR ME, I truly believe I cannot think my way out of grief such as using positive thinking because I have heard/read that we must go through our feelings, it is not a quick fix, for if we try to think our way out of grief, the feelings of grief that we may have suppressed will come back with a vengence. Also, everyone is unique therefore, while we all feel pain, each and every one of us has our own personal way of coping such as what to do with our wedding rings or with our spouses' clothes/belongings or the various feelings of the emotional roller coaster from anger, sadness, irritation, self-pity, hurt, emptiness, well you know the rest. There is no one way fits all. I don't like to hear analysis myself, but it is also true, from so-called professionals we are going through phases of our grief process. It is in my opinion that when someone wants to get better like you do, you have reached a phase of your grief which is an amazing gift, I think. You are trying to help others feel better too. I believe this shows you are very kind and compassionate. These are just my thoughts. May the Lord help us all get through this.
God bless,
ReneeArose
P.S. My joke for the day: I don't ever want to remarry because I promised my husband in my wedding vows.. til' death do us part..... I checked and I'm still living. So, there you go.

It is true that we all grieve in our own way and time. I think grief is the acknowledgement of our feelings, whether they be anger, fear, longing, feeling sorry for ourselves, etc. Shedding tears is getting pain out of our bodies for a time. Questions arise in our minds that cannot be answered in the usual ways. Wanting to be alone or wanting to talk to someone we're close to are both valid feelings. In my opinion, if we can do at least ONE thing a day to work on getting adjusted to our new life, we are moving forward. ONE thing could be small or large. Cleaning out a drawer, putting RainX on our car's windshield, putting birdseed in the feeder, loading the dishwasher and pushing "On". There is no magic way to rush through grief or stuff it down so it doesn't affect us. Be yourself. Love yourself. Talk to God every day and read his word every day.
Kathleen