All so true. In order to try and survive this pain I keep telling myself how deep our love was for one another. I shouldn't say was because I love him still..

It certainly knocks one to your knees. Thankfully, it does get easier to get back up again.

Hugs...

Yup one giant sucker punch away from a bad spiral every freaking day

I feel like quoting C.S. Lewis.

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

“It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Grief is pain like no other. Thankfully it subsides with time. Different for each person yet very real.

I found myself sighing often, something I never did before.

if you grieve deeply, then you have loved deeply. And that, is a beautiful thing just make sure to let it out, cry if u must, yell if you feel it, curse like a sailor but let it go or it consumes you. Hugs for all my fellow grievers!

roll with the punches, the only solace i can offer is that the hours will become minutes, and the minutes remain

So true Rick..It's hard to feel any joy...when you are no longer in the presence of the one you spent most your life with.....and loved deeply....

You are about the same age I was when my wife died , I can really Identify with your pain and am so sorry you have to endure this. It's hard to believe that these terrible waves of grief are part of a healing process, but they are. It helped me to think of these as ocean waves and I tried to visualize them passing over me or riding on them, rather than being hit head on and fighting them only to be knocked down.

The anxiety thing is real. it has happened to me a few times, which is one reason for my doctor's appointment. Mine last about two hours each time. I am sitting in my late husband's office chair now. I kept it, thinking it was such a part of him - where he spent most of his free time working on his books. Now I am debating whether I should sell it and buy a new one. At least now I can "feel one coming on" and act accordingly.

Yes, grief is a pain like no other. I heard this the other night and it rings oh so true. We have had our future ripped away from us and it hurts! Rick51, I see that you are 17 weeks in, I am at 16 months, but those bouts still come around, just not as often. Over the weekend, I was in a Michaels store looking for paint supplies and walked down an aisle with clock making supplies and started crying....he loved to find odd things and make clocks with them...just a trigger that got me.