Boy, can I relate to this. My wife has been gone two and a half months now, and I am not quite up to the in person groups yet either. I shut out my feelings and my pain until I found DS about 10 days or so ago. So I really have only begun my "journey". While I am mindful of John's post regarding "Crucial Decisions" and the possibility of me wallowing in my grief and self pity, I'm just not ready to "get out there". My situation is exacerbated by my leaving our house and moving in with my daughter and her family in another state, so I am grieving losing my home as well. Anyway, I am quite able to participate in this forum because I can come and go at will; I can cry when I need to; I can learn from the experiences of others; and I can do all of this 24/7. I have found everyone here at DS to be quite accepting of me for who I am and what I am experienceing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you stick around here a while, and reach out to those who's stories you are able to relate to, you will find that you will receive so much emotional medicine to help to ease your pain. Well, that's my two cents worth......I wish you well, my friend.....Joe..:-)

My hospice had a group starting in April, just two days short of 2 months after Craig died, and they would not let me in it. Their rule is at least 4 months, so I started in early July instead. My synagogue and many other groups even say 6 months, for the very reasons that you cite.

Keep coming here - DS is what kept me going and relatively sane as I worked through the rawness and incredulity of it all - and then don't give up on the group but try again in a few months. You might find that it's easier to deal with the pain of others then.

Two of us in my group had lost our husbands the same month (February), the most recent in our group, and even at 5-6 months, we were the most likely to break down and cry each evening.

Hugs, Gail

I'm sorry the group sessions didn't work. I found one on one counseling very helpful even thoughI didn't think so from week to week but looking back it has moved me along this path. I'm going to start a group grief share next week and hope it doesn't take me back too far, but I have to make sure I'm not stuffing my feelings to haunt me later. Talking to people on DS on line and in person has made the biggest difference.
Hope you find the help. Dave

Hi
i felt the same way about groups in the beginning. if you have insurance and can do one on one counseling, i found it to be a life saver.
please also know just how strong of a community it is here, you will find the help immeasurable.
i am so sorry for both your loss and your pain.
hugs
judi

Hi, first of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Here at DS I have come to learn that when anyone says those words to you, they really mean it and know exactly how it feels when it is said to them! That being said, I received information from the hospice who helped me take care of my husband and I never followed-up -- really for no reason. Then I realized that I really did not want the "commitment" of going a place I knew other people like me would be present and I just could not handle it -- that is me. Like Joe wrote below, I, too, had to leave my home -- at least for now -- and am in another city. So, in addition to the loss of my husband, I only have my clothes, my dog and my toothbrush. But, my daughter in her wisdom found the name of a very good psychologist. He is about my age and my ethnicity and nows both languages that I will go into back and forth. So, right now I can honestly say he has been a blessing sent from heaven. I never know from week to week what we will be discussing. He lets me vent and he challenges me; he gives me "assignments" and then follows-up; he is forceful with me in trying to get me to write and then we discuss it. In other words, he has become a great one-on-one confidant who will never betray our confidentiality. That was so important to me as I don't want to burden my children anymore. So, I would strongly urge you to seek out a psychology with experience in bereavement -- they are out there!!! By the way, my shrink (as I call him) knew that I would be alone this weekend and he has texted me twice just to make sure I was ok. Then, my new friend, there is DS -- this place is so great in that everyone here knows exactly where each and every one of is at any time -- because there are those here who came first and then those who are more new. I have been coming here since May 16. Some days, like today, I will log on throughout the day -- then i'll go a couple of days. Because the beauty is that no one expects you to be on-line at any particular time -- just and only just when you feel you need to vent and/or read something. Blessings to you.

Although a lot of people do benefit from grief groups or one on one counseling, none of that is for me. I found the support I needed here in this online group, and it also helped me to write down a lot of my feelings in "letters" to my husband. I also like "self-help" books sometimes. There is no one style-fits-all method of grieving; some of it is a trial and error thing. Do what feels comfortable for you. laurabp

What you can do depends on where you live. Cities will have more in the offering. My church has a group, but it is for older people. The military gave me a place to go if I want to be on the road all day to get there. With limited resources...I have found the best support to come from within myself. My faith has been a tremendous comfort to me. May you find peace as well. Kaaren

Support groups aren't for everyone. I would suggest private counseling. You may benefit much more from it, for whatever you talk about is confidential and doesn't leave the four walls of the counselor's office.

Perhaps later on, when you are stronger, you can try group again.

Good luck.

You have my smypathy for your loss. It is so early in your grief I can imagine being in a group would be exhausting and overwhelming. I have also heard that you should be atleast 3 months out before attending such a group. I am glad you found DS, you will find support and comfort here and it is available when you need it. I found private therapy very helpful and strongly encourage it. Also writing in a journal, diary form or letters to your love. I can't say enough about reading books. There are so many good ones out there and you can just google amazon.com and search for something that you find interesting, their are Christian books and other persepective so look around. I particularly like "Mindfulness Grieving" forget the author. "Widow to widow". I know it is hard to concentrate to read but you can page through as you are able. Again, sorry for your loss. Hug, Donna

I am sorry for your loss. The first several months were really tough for me. I found a group through the mortuary. It was for widow/widowers. After two months of grieving and not seeming to get anywhere I went to this group. Guess what. I was the only male there. Suprise huh?? I stayed and this group meets every two weeks. The fact thay they all talk about their losses was strange but also comforting to me knowing I was not alone. Short story is that this group serves a purpose now for me in understanding many things about the "Journey". However, this site , DS, offers me the ability to express my feelings and reap support and advise for the issue at hand for me. This group has more meaning now for me. The folks here truely do GET IT and makes for a better day reading and posting when I am up to it.
Hugs to you
Dave

I am registered to begin going to a faith based support group at the end of this month. It will only be a month and a week since my husband passed. It was suggested by the hospital Chaplain who was with me at the end of his life and knows how devastated I am. We were told to bring a friend who we could continue the discussions with after the session if possible. One of my dear friends has offered to go with me. I hope it is the right thing to do.