Would helping these groups still allow you the room to grieve your own loss? I ask that because 19 months, in some respects, especially after 36 years of marriage, is not that long really. If you feel you are strong enough and if you can do it on your terms, without damaging your own healing, then go for it. If, however, it is more for the convenience of others, or if it would impede the progress towards peace in yourself you have made, then wait.

I have been a CL here for close to 4 years, a member here for over 7. There have been times when it hasn't been easy to help others because of my own grief. There have also been times when helping others helped me through my own grief. I do this because I am one of the ones that can do it, and I believe it is important to help others as I was helped. You may be feeling the same way.

Maybe say 'yes' but put a probationary time limit on it; i.e., agree to help out for 3 months to give it a go and see how you deal with it. You will have to be able to help without absorbing all the pain you will encounter -- which for a compassionate person can be difficult.

Does that help??

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Hi Praised,
I have to echo Kat's post here...will you still be able to take care of your own needs first if you become involved in this?
I always remember that phrase "put your own oxygen mask on first." It's become trite, but still rings true.
I started a widows & widowers social group here in town, but I'm very clear at the outset that it's not an organized support group in the traditional sense. When people thank me for starting it, I'm also clear it was purely for selfish motives! I wanted a social life, with friends who 'got it' and understood, who would not freak out if I talked about my late husband. So, I was putting my oxygen mask on when I started this...
Too often, I think, we are made to feel obligated to give back when we've recieved help. The very fact that you've asked our opinion on this tells me that perhaps you're not ready and reluctant to become involved this way yet. Follow your instincts.

Because I had life and death experience working in an Emergency Department I was able to have my husband home until the end. A year later, a very close friend's mother was dying and she asked if I could do end of life care for her. It's important to know I knew her mom well. It was a hard decision, but I needed to say no. I couldn't help her until I helped myself. Sharon

I am so appreciative of your response. It cleared up some confusion and also gave me options if I want to pursue. I was invited to come to a Widows group today at our church. We have 22,000 members and was surprised that it was as relaxed as it was. There are two people who are in charge and the younger one was concerned because when the young widows come for the first time, they don't come back. There were ten widows and we sat around a table talking about everything but our husbands. We were asked who was there for the first time, I raised my hand and started telling my story, and then one of the widows interrupted me and started telling her story, not about our husbands, but about how she came to the church. Then others chimed in. I never told the story about my husband and was never asked by the facilitator.
I am 75 and six out of ten were older than me and whose husbands had been gone for many years. It didn't seem to be uppermost in their minds. They were there to socialize with pizza and a beverage, and making future plans to go out and eat some more.
They meet quarterly and I just went with the flow. I am so grateful for my meeting that has substance. Also, the young widow who wanted me to share some ideas has no say so as to how the meeting is to be conducted, as the person in charge was appointed by the Pastor's wife. So I am not pressured to lend a hand. Whew!

"Grief is love with no place to go."
I like that.

"Grief is love with no place to go."
What a profound statement, its says it all!