Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I watched a video on the news this evening, a guy who survived jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge...talking about what let him there, and how he felt the minute his hands let go of the railing...how he felt immediate regret, and how painful it was when he hit the water. And how grateful he is to be alive.
I have contemplated suicide a few times since my husband passed...I think the only reason I didn't actually attempt it was because I didn't want to leave my son..
We have a similar bridge here in Vancouver, the Lion's Gate...and many times in the past few months, I have envisioned myself falling from it..having watched this video has given me a different perspective on the issue...I think maybe I don't really want to die, but escape the pain, or be with my husband again.
I would recommend watching it for anyone who has feelings like that..
I have contemplated suicide a few times since my husband passed...I think the only reason I didn't actually attempt it was because I didn't want to leave my son..
We have a similar bridge here in Vancouver, the Lion's Gate...and many times in the past few months, I have envisioned myself falling from it..having watched this video has given me a different perspective on the issue...I think maybe I don't really want to die, but escape the pain, or be with my husband again.
I would recommend watching it for anyone who has feelings like that..
I have been suicidal at various points in my life, for reasons best left for a discussion another day. Like you, I couldn't do that to my boys for one thing, but also because I finally recognized that it was not that I wanted to die but instead that I did not want to live with so much pain. For someone who has never contemplated ending it all, that might sound like the same idea, but it is not. It may be a fine line, but for me it was a crucial line.
On the dark days after Cliff died, and those kinds of thought re-entered my mind, I would tell myself, "Not today." And if I could get through that day, I was usually better the next. When you tell yourself, "Not today," long enough, you discover you can get through those times. You start to regain your courage to keep going.
I don't fault anyone for thinking about it, because I have genuinely considered it. But hanging on, for me, proved to be worth it.
I will look out for that video. If you have a link to it, I'd appreciate it. I am glad you found something that spoke to you and that helped.
Love and Hugs,
Martha