My work doesn't involve a lot of interaction with my co-workers. Even then it is tough enough. I started out with the simplest, most mundane tasks possible.

I googled this topic and found this column to be sound.
http://modernloss.com/game-planning-grief/

I'm an attorney so I understand putting out fires, my desk was a nightmare when I got back. I went back to work a week after Chad passed away. My boss knew I was at 50% or less, but the firm needed me and my billing. I am at 2 1/2 months now, and while I am focusing better than I was (go day by day) I am not the same. I will probably never work the same as I did before, perspective changes. My mind still drifts off, I still cry. Just keep at it. The first month I was back to work I worked weekends to catch up on what I was not doing because I was so distracted. Know every day it will get easier to do, but you are a changed person, so don't expect yourself to be exactly the same as you were before.

I would close my door when overwhelmed and my unit knows to not let anyone in when that happens (it still happens). When I felt overwhelmed in the beginning, I would write in my journal (I write chad letters), I would write him an email or even color in an adult coloring book, for as long as it took to pass. Now I write in my journal every night, but keep it with me during the days just in case. If I forget to bring it I send him an email.

I am exhausted every day when I go home from work. Like you the reserves are gone, I've altered my work hours, I work 10-7 now, I'm working on that, but i'm tired. You are not alone, many of us have been there and many people (like me) are there now. Sending hugs.

Kim

I am a 4th grade teacher, so returning to work was challenging to say the least. The school year had started and my husband passed about two weeks later. I came back mid-September for 3 days a week and it took every ounce of energy and composure to get through the day. My principal was also a widow so that definitely helped. I have wonderful friends at work who would take the class when I felt like I was going to have a meltdown. I felt especially awkward in the staff room, but only because I didn't want to make others feel uncomfortable around me.I would break down after school-it's so emotionally draining trying to keep it together. I think it's beneficial in a way to get back to work, but ideally it should be part-time for awhile anyway. It's going on three years now, and I enjoy going to work. (enjoy might be a little strong :)
Take care-with grief everything is a new process. It gets better. Lori

I mostly enjoy my work. It's helping me cope with my wife's passing, but there are still days where I don't feel like going in. My boss knows I might call in "sick" at any time, but knowing I can walk out or not show at any time (assuming I call in to warn them) is helping me not do either. Weird but true. I sometimes feel I can't cope, but then I get busy and focused on the job and press on.

My coworkers are also amazing. I feel bad that I sometimes want to talk about my wife too much, but they listen respectfully. I wonder if they were told to give me plenty of time to "get it all out", but it helps. They definitely aren't avoiding me. In fact...

My coworkers actually seem to be opening up more than in the past. They know I had a wonderful relationship with my wife, and they ask for advice on a variety of issues--not even grief or death.

So all in all I'd say work is a big plus, but enough about me. I sympathize with those who have it differently. I imagine there are even some stay-at-home moms who have had to return to work. Dealing with grief and trying to find new employment must be tough. I'm terribly sorry for anyone who is experiencing that.

Hi Elio, I am a financial manager for a nonprofit and the writer for the organization. A few months before my wife got sick, I made the stupid decision when our bookkeeper quit that I could do that job on top of my own. Juanita told me I shouldn't do it, but like so many time in our marriage, I didn't listen to her on that one. Well, then came the diagnosis, and the continuing doctor appointments, and caring for her on top of my continuing to work at my employement and running a ministry. I don't know how I did it all, pure adrenalin. I had to keep working when she died, took time off as I could, but there was no one else to do my job. I know what everyone means about not having the energy -- well, immediately following Juanita's death, all our state grants for the biennium had to be put together for us and all our 33 subagencies, That nearly killed me. Finally, we got a bookkeeper hired and trained for a month, and then I had what I can only describe as a complete meltdown. My brain literally shut down and I could no longer think. The doctor diagnosed me with depression and I started on anti-depressants that have helped tremendously. A second one was added to help me sleep, because I could not sleep more than about 3 hours a night. I think the medication started for me back in October when I was at about 5 months after her death, now I'm nearing 11 months. Me, I have to continue working to support myself. So I've scaled back on all I do, just do what has to get done, took sabatical form the ministry and have been learning to keep my life as simple as possible to converse my mental energy for the job. If you have not working for a time as an option, that is what I would have done -- but it might have been even worse for me because at least going into work gave me purpose, human contact and the support of my co-workers. God bless and comfort you in this your time of need ~~~ Scottie

I decided to go back to work 10 days after David died. I was terrified, but knew that I could not sit at home wallowing in all the memories that were everywhere I turned. The ache in my heart left me feeling like I was dying too, and I needed to get out. My co workers were wonderful, I did alot of crying, still get teary often, but they also gave lots of hugs which were nice.Yes it made me cry, but nice to know they cared. My job is what keeps me going, it is hard to come home at night, sit in an empty house. I turn on the tv first thing, for the noise. We are emotionally drained, exhausted, and i am not sure when that gets better. But hang in there and know we are all right there with you, and here for you to talk to anytime. Hugs to you :)

I waited almost a year...financially it wasn't a good thing but I could not cope with life and just needed to be alone...now that I am back it does feel good to just through myself into it...I do still have those days when I don't want to go but I push myself through it...

Good for you, Rosie. Work can be rewarding as well as financially necessary. If nothing else, it helps keep my mind occupied so I'm not constantly dwelling on the loss of my wife. Plus, I think we widows and widowers have life experiences that can help others.

I have worked with emotinally disrurbed and abused kids for over tyenty five years. These kids are ages eight to fifteen and all boys. They can become extremly aggressive and have to sometimes prysically controlled. On a good day there is a constant stress level that constantly goes up and down. On a bad day, don't even want to talk about it. I went back to work a little over two weeks after my wife went to the Lord. The level has been outragous. Usually I can handle the crsis as they come up. Actually I was a crisis management trainer for over twelve years until I stopped last year because I began having panic attacks.
At this point as much as I enjoy working with ans trying to help these kids the stress is getting out of control. I am a man of faith and I believe my prayer answers are that it's time to move on to something else until retirement. At anyrate if not for God and hope I would not be able to do this. It's time for a change.
Peace, Tim

Work is difficult for me sometimes too. Most of my work hours are spent alone in an office dealing with phone calls from people who, for the most part, are not happy. I have become very adept at answering calls while silently crying.

One aspect of my job is much easier now- dealing with rude folks. Prior to Bernie's illness- I tried, in vain usually to make everyone happy. I took many a cussing and name calling before. Now, I give exactly one warning if someone gets rude or loud. If the warning doesn't work - I just hang up. If they call back (and they almost always do) I act as if they prior call never happened- unless they get rude again...at which point I hang up again. Interestingly enough, I've learned that most people, even when stressed, can be respectful if they have to choose between getting help with their problem or being an idiot. I think my new attitude is probably good for some of these folks. I consider it a short course in anger control.

I think the work experience depends so much on your boss(es) and co-workers and how understanding and willing to help they are.

I teach at a University. My husband passed away during the Christmas break and I missed the first week of classes (that was the week my 8 year old niece dubbed "funeral week"). Funeral was on Friday; I was back at work for some classes on the following Monday, and full steam by the second week. The students knew why I had been away and so in each class I talked a bit about it and asked that they be patient with me. I might not get to emails as quick as I otherwise would, etc. Often I feel like my job is fielding complaints, but the students have been just awesome. I actually found work to be one of my "safe places". I felt most normal at work as that was a place I always was without my husband. Sure, there were lots of times in the day that I would have otherwise phoned him, or him me, so I definitely still missed him, and I have had several teary moments in my office, but it didn't seem so bad.

I did have an incredibly difficult time concentrating. Some things I did this term weren't my best work, but they got the job done. All my co-workers and bosses have been incredibly supportive, so that has helped a lot. I asked for help when it was possible (and got it), and I wasn't really shy to let people know when I couldn't handle something that was being asked of me. I was supposed to sit on a couple of committees starting in January, and I just said that I was sorry to have to back out, but I just didn't think I could do it. Everyone was incredibly understanding. So I have been very lucky in that way.

As a side note, I will soon be off for 4 months. It is the first time in 10 years of teaching that I am dreading the end of classes. I have no idea how I am going to fill the days (other than to deal with a yard and a house that has not been cleaned for 3 months). My husband was an avid golfer and so I did not see a lot of him in the summer anyway, but all of us here know there is a huge difference between being physically alone and being alone in every sense of the word. When I went back to the classroom, I decided I would put off everything until the term was done and just give what energy I had to getting the job done. Like everyone has said, I was exhausted at the end of the work day. I don't think I could have done anything if I had wanted to. I still have some business to wrap up with the estate, I need to give some thought to my future (whether I want to stay where I am or move, etc.) and I thought maybe I would tackle some of his "stuff". Knowing this is all coming up has been causing me angst the last couple of weeks. On one hand, I am happy to catch a break from a work schedule but....now I can't avoid facing the reality of my future.

Not just work, but just the daily transition of life without my bestfriend has proved to kick my butt, to say the least. Im wiped and and have no energy by 2 of 3, anyone else feel this way. Much love and hugs carla

I came here to see what people who have lost a partner are saying about going back to work. My husband died two weeks ago today. My work asked me to come back on Monday but I'm just not ready emotionally to do it. I have enough PTO to take another week. I'm happy to see that working is actually a comfort to some people. I know I won't be ready in a week but maybe it will be good. As someone said you just need to take it one day at a time.

Thank you all for your comments and advice! I am fortunate that I have the option to work at home a few days a week, so I did that two days last week. However, the stress and pressure got to me and I spent the majority of both days crying as I was fielding emails and conference calls. My co-workers have been wonderfully supportive; however, my boss, who pledged to help me transition slowly, threw a number of projects at me last week for customers who are extremely frustrated because nothing was done while I was out. I found out very quickly that where once I was able to shrug off the pressure, I now have absolutely no reserves to combat it. It got so bad that I am considering filing for short term disability. I know I can do my job, I just need a little consideration that maybe I need a little more time to adjust before being thrown back in 100%.

I teach college and I never took a day off of work when my husband died in early December, 2014 (which pretty much shocked all of my colleagues) because the last thing I needed was to be left alone with my thoughts. Honestly, I have no clue how I managed to get through that first spring semester after my husbands death. Happily, my student evaluations did not reflect the fact that there were days that I struggled to recall some pretty basic facts during lecture (I no longer rely on lecture notes in most of my courses) but somehow I managed to survive on my long-term memory. I teach year-round and there is no way I would consider taking any time off voluntarily because I just cannot handle days on end without the structure of my professional life. If I were retired right now, there is no question that I would be completely lost. My only advice is through my own experience---I am so grateful that I have a job! In those early months, I explained to my students that my short-term memory was shot, that it would take about a year to clear up, and in the meantime, I would be verifying with them that I had covered such and such. To their immense credit, my students took my sometimes absent-minded professor behavior in stride.