Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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Gladness instead of Sadness

praised
praised
I had shared about problems with my 1998 Nissan Altima, that had 63,000 miles, but was falling apart. I had gone twice just to look at cars and finally bought a 2013 Certified used Nissan. Only all of you can understand how I felt sitting in the dealership alone, staring out the window and at the empty chair next to me. I had researched on the internet, questions I should ask and tried to reassure myself that I was making the right decision. Later on I prayed and cried out to the Lord because I felt I had made the wrong choice, that I didn't like the color, that I had went from an Altima to a Sentra, that the car didn't ride as smooth as my previous car and on and on and on. Today I stayed at home and went through how blessed I am that I am in a position to buy a car, that the Lord is in control of this situation and He will work it out. I also shared with the salesman my concerns and told him that I need to stop complaining with "two loaves of bread" under my arm. But working through this today also says to me that my husband is not here to help me in yet another decision and I am stressing. So after fourteen months and the firsts being over, we still have other mountains to climb.
Blueeyezd1964
Blueeyezd1964
your right praised , but hopefully it is getting easier, we will be ok
doyew
doyew
Some people in another widows' group were posting about this very thing a few days ago. Wondering if DH would agree with their decisions, were they doing the right thing, etc. I said that I am GLAD to be able to make these decisions -- I believe Frank is in heaven and isn't worrying about these things at all! It IS a big change in our lives to have to do it alone -- but I think with the Lord's help we will be fine. I have been a widow 6yrs. now, so I probably have more experience than you.
Hugs, Doye
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
The funny thing is that to me the "firsts" don't stop with the first year. On the 2nd anniversary of Cliff's death, I was in a very serious car accident - his beloved Maxima was totaled. I am lucky to be alive. In the aftermath of that, of course, I had to replace the car. Another first - car shopping, insurance claims, and all the rest of it. So I do understand what you are saying. I had a lot of the same thoughts. It is good you are counting your blessings through it.

It is funny, but I was doing the same thing this morning - started off second-guessing some of the decisions I made, and I had to stop myself and look at it from the other way around. I know enough, I guess, to know I have to concentrate on the little successes, not just the things that go wrong.

One thing you might pat yourself on the back about is that you should be saving a bit on gas costs by having the Sentra, and maybe you can put a little more aside for something fun. Just a thought....

Love and Hugs,
Martha
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
In the weeks leading up to my husband's death we spent his good days doing special things that were important to us. Many of them were small outings like lunch at his brothers or sitting on a friend's deck. The day before he passed he told me that he wanted me to buy a new car, but wasn't feeling able to go with me.

Our daughter later reminded me of his wish that he had also told her. I went shopping with my brother after checking out choices online and bought a Pontiac g6 convertible. I loved riding with the top down, wind in my face and his spirit surrounding me. It's your choice, make it special as long as you stay within your budget. Sharon
rebl3157
rebl3157
I too had to make that decision. After seeking advice from several family members, I was really confused. It was suggested I buy new, with a warranty, buy used and avoid the depreciation of new, and I decided God put me in this position and I would make the decision myself and pray I was right. I bought a 2005 Dodge Caravan. Not what I what have picked for myself but I knew they people that owned it, knew it had been taken care of and jumped in for 3K. I love it. When the time comes for another I will pick out what makes me happy again.
praised
praised
Thank you all for your input. I really needed to feel better about the choice I made. I bought it last Wednesday and have only driven it one day. I am getting more comfortable, especially since my daughters saw it and they liked it (maybe to make me feel better). The salesman told me that there is an adjustment period. I am still grateful.