Michael's family & friends just all disappeared the minute he died. I had said that I wanted to be left lone...to regroup & absorb all I'd been thru But apparently they thought I meant forever. Then of course the rumor mill went into high gear. He donated his body so there was no funeral. They all assumed without asking me that I had made that decision myself...even tho his sister had to witness & sign the papers.
Since then I have not seen or heard from a single one of his friends or family. Not that we were ever close but gee whiz...ya know.
And as far as being 41...that's how old I was when we got together....so yea, you're still young.
Hugs,
Nancy

Mel, same here. But I was in his family 50 years...They were MY family. Its been 19 months for me. I found out, I don't need anyone, but myself. I am fine with it. No one to answer to. Sandee

I find this so interesting about spouse's family abandoning us. My husband's emailed me that it was very difficult for them because they had no "closure". They won't answer me but I suspect it is because he wanted to be cremated with his ashes scattered here in AZ instead of being shipped back to the state of our birth for funeral (and lunch afterward)! I responded by telling them that I had his wishes in his handwriting if they wanted a copy, but of course there has been no response. Family......maybe I should be happy to be an only child! Scares me to death though knowing that there will be no one to take care of me when I get sick and "pass over".

I too was am an only child. My mother passed away in 1979 leaving only my 85 year old dad. Now his family was a familly of 9 children and at times I felt lost at family gatherings. His mom and Dad are gone and two brothers and a sister. The family has gotten smaller and they are not very close any more. Since his wife died my brother in law has been calling me and we talk about how hard it is without our spouses. He is the only one in that big family that I talk to. I understand his family fights on facebook...I am glad I don't do facebook. I don't even want to know what they fight about!

John wanted to ease the pain for me and to help other's with his type of rare cancer. So it was decided to donate his body to that research. I still had a memorial diner that seemed to help others with the "closure" thing. At the time I was still in auto mode. But it's not unusual anymore for this type of donation or service. Also you might want to consider a memorial dinner at an anniversary point. The 3 month, 6th, or even a year would be appropriate.

I received a letter of thanks from the organization, so if you have that also to share they may see how much this could mean to future patients, maybe even them.

I gave a blanket "thank you" to all that attended and to those that were only able to talk in the middle of the night with us during his fight, no names, because they know who they are. We did this as potluck type of dinner at his union hall. They were more than happy to allow us the space, but any organization or community room you have available will work. The rest of his family, I asked to bring any pictures or to share any happy memories they had with him from childhood and growing up. The times I hadn't yet met him, that made him the wonderful person he was. There was a pass around book for those that wanted to write them out.
The only reason you have to give for any delay is that you now feel ready for this. Many that didn't understand will then make their own choice about attending.

Recently there has been some gains in small cell cancer treatment, I hope my John was a part of this.

J.

My situation was different in that we were a blended family. It was our second marriage. He had five adult children and I had four. We were together 36 years and they never regarded me as his wife because they felt he belong to their Mother and she felt the same way. They visited our house approximately five times, but would always invite us to their home making sure his ex wife would be there. On the day of the funeral and burial, my children and I planned that it would be the last day we would see them. We have not, since August 5, 2013. I cannot express what freedom I feel that I don't have to experience the disrespect and also the way they treated their Father because he married me. They would never give him a card for his birthday, Father's day or Christmas, never take him out for lunch, but always wanted him to co-sign for whatever. I am finally free of them. Our children range in age from 49-57. You would think they would grow up, especially since their Mother married twice after him. Just venting. Please pray for me. I haven't completely let go of the anger.