You, like me, will figure it out as we go. Yesterday I bought a lot of new home stuff. Curtains, rugs, pillows, etc, and the thought of changing things hurts like hell, but I'm going to do it anyway. My husbands clothes are still on the dining room table. They've been there for a couple of months, and today I'm going to put them in a big box, and try to give them away some day. I will keep what I want for my comfort, and to remember him forever. My husband and I had separate tv rooms and different eating habits as well, but were each others best friend. I too lived for my love 24/7. It's been 5 and a half months and I'm taking baby steps. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Kim

You know Arlene, I think it may be a reaction to being a caretaker for so long. I understand everything you say. We put everyone's need in front of ours and did for them and their wants for so long we forgot our own needs and choices. They came first. TV. Food. Ventures. We let them pick just to give any kind of comfort that we could. Now that they are gone... We can chose what we want to eat or do or watch. There is now nothing that has to be done immediately. You can do what ever you want whenever you want. It's a weird feeling. I'd do anything to have him back and I miss him like crazy. But seeing your love suffer every day is so taxing and scary and out of your control. Now you're back in control. It's a new life that's going to take some getting used to. So keep doing everything you're doing. It's perfectly normal. It's time for you now
Love to you
Darcie

For me it was rediscovering who I am. My identity was so tied to my family and job that I never even realized it. It took me some time and trials and error, but it's worth the effort. Sharon

Life is different without my husband. It has been just over six weeks of trying to rediscover how to live alone. How to be a single and not a couple. A friend told me that she missed him, but missed us as a couple. I thought that was such a endearing comment. I was always independent and being marry to a firefighter, I had to be. So, I know I can survive in this new life. I would love to have my other life back with him by my side, but that can't be. So, now I am living my life, making all the decisions. It is scary and lonely at times, but I know that Dave would be proud.

All any of us can do is take a deep breath and do what is best for us. Thoughts and hugs. Jo

Shopping and cooking for ONE was a learning and wasteful experience. I had to learn not to cook so much and shopping for one was so different.

I used to feel sorry for the people who obviously looked like they were eating alone with their T.V. Dinners and one or two apples and 6 eggs.

Now it's me [except for the T.V. Dinner, can't eat those, yet]!!!!

Roz

Arlene, it's been 7 1/2 months for me and I can't seem to bring myself to do many of the things we used to do together. I am a long time biker and Amy rode her own Harley, outside of a motorcycle trip I took recently I have barely touched my bike. I sold my Broncos season tickets as she was my game day partner. I have not been able to go to most restaurants, theaters, stores etc. that we used to frequent. I am sure in time I may find new interests and even revisit old ones but my memories of these are bitter sweet. Time will tell. Peace ~Pete

it has been eight weeks for me since losing my husband and I am doing the same thing. I am eating differently since he was the cook I am not eating as well I know. I am still thinking that he is somehow there watching me when I eat ice cream at 8:30 at night and shaking his finger. HA! We were married thirty years so I was like you his wife and now I am just me again and doing a few things I wanted to do at my house that he would think wasn't necessary but I did. We did like so many things alike but we are all individuals and it will be different for us for a while. I still feel like this is a dream sometimes then I remember. Take care.

I did the same thing got new comforter, and drapes etc. I need the change. He made sure we gave his clothes to his brother even before he passed he gave him some so thank goodness someone is using them. That is good for you to give to someone else. I did keep a few things that were special also. Take care.

hello I am Doc....lost my Wife a yr and a half ago.....it is all still so new for me too.............yes there r good and bad days......try....just try to hold on the the good ones...and let the bad ones just wash away.....I am soooo sorry to hear that alone with your grief......you have to deal with greed as well...........just let that wash away too....it is you that truly matters......just never forget that...

We all have to do some adjustment and I guess that will include some rediscovering of ourselves.
I haven't gotten to the part where I feel more positive than lonely about it . but yes, I do some things differently than when he was here.
I don't bring the junk foods home, whereas he loved that stuff here.
I will be getting out more pretty soon. will probably be low key and get out in the local scenery.
I've heard that changing things inside the home will help, but that will have to wait for money. I do have ideas but have to be careful in planning.

Arlene, I think it's both. We do have to figure out who we are and where we stand after losing our spouses. Cliff and I were a "we" for 30 years, and while we had some differences, a lot of it developed into common things over the years. I think that's natural. There were, however, some things where we totally disagreed, and I felt guilty for being glad I didn't have to deal with those things anymore. Like I cannot for the life of me stand listening to Bob Dylan - Cliff thought Dylan was one of the all-time greats. I no longer have to listen to Dylan and that's a relief. I feel guilty even now for writing that!

Some of our priorities shift, and there is a ripple effect through different areas of our lives. It sounds like some of the exploring you are doing is pretty cool. It shows courage and I think it's healthy.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I started painting, trying to redo my home. He liked bland, white and tan. I thought I would brighten up the house. So as I started, furniture is the jewel colors, dark. He picked it all out, and we paid a lot for each piece. After 20 years, its still not wore out. So I bought sheets and covered it to add color, added colorful throw pillows. Slowly I took it all off, little by little. Back to square one again. I can't find my style, therefore, I keep loosing ME. Last night I was thinking, if I won the lottery, I would just move out, and get all new things. Then thinking, I would have to keep this and that...and decided my house would look like this house.... So, what's the use? Is there really a ME underneath the US?

So, I hated when he'd take a bag of food and eat from it while watching TV then leave it there.

Now, I'm sitting where he sat, bringing over bags of food and leaving them there. I walk by them in the morning and I think, "if you're watching me, you must be hysterically laughing at me!"

I think it's a combination of old habits [that we're trying to hold on to] and new discoveries of am I?

After living with someone for so many years and not really having an identity of my very own.......I'm waking up this sleeping giant! I hope I like her!

Roz

Hi Arlene,
I'm finding that now that I've taken over cooking for me and my son, I'm doing some things that my wife used to do. I never used to cook fish, but now I've tried it a couple times. I think I'll never enjoy cooking as much as she did thoughNow that we're moved into another house, I still haven't put up any of her favorite prints, or even her own paintings, which she was getting good at. I can't even get myself to open the boxes. So with that and other things, the house is lacking her feminine touch. I'm not sure what do to about that.

roz.... I laughed at your post. Thank you, I needed that...Sandee