I cleaned out old cloths that Ray hadn't worn for years, just to spread out the cloths he wore all the time. I gave a number of his nicer tshirts and sweatshirts to our son. Other then that my husbands dresser, on the counter in the bathroom, his shoes in the garage are all in the same place. Why not I like to see them there, it comforts me, it's for me not anyone else..

Calgary...I dont know what is healthy or unhealthy in dealing with this issue and I wonder who decided that "answer" anyway. I got rid of the clothes rather quickly but they were the ones he never really wore anyway....It took me about a year and a half to remove his stuff out of the shower...the slippers from the spot by the dresser..(tho they got put in the closet)..I saved all his favorite T shirts and just very recently had them made into quilts ...this is with me being on my 28th month. The T shirts quilts really shocked me when I first saw them and honestly it took me a few days to be able to look at them as a happy memory. I am soooo glad that I didn't just keep them in the drawer and defiantly knew I would never throw them out...the quilts really are .....special. I kept 3 jackets as my huggers in the closet and just gave away my favorite...tho it went to exactly where it was meant to go....the really big next thing is the garage...one step at a time....sending you a big hug as you start your l journey...

My mother-in-law asked me to bring her any of Wanda's stuff that I was going to part with. As bizarre as it is (she kept everything under the sun, I even found an old yellow pages book in one box), I am going to do as she wishes.

I took one box, Tuesday. And a little pouch with some jewelry. She cried her eyes out, which made me cry, too. Her mom is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's/Dementia which makes this tragedy even more difficult, for her. One thing I fear is that one day, she won't even know who I am... And I am all that is left of her daughter, outside of her immediate family (she has one other daughter).

Today is 9 months since my husband passed away.
A few weeks ago I thought I was ready to clean out his closet. I took all his clothes out of the closet, folded them in piles, and then ...... I put them all back.

Just not ready yet.

Personally, I don't think there are any definitive time-line answers that will work across the board. We each will do at our own pace, as we can or feel compelled. As for me, tomorrow marks the one year heaven anniversary. At six months, I had a neighbor come and pack up J's entire wardrobe and put in boxes (only because I needed that room for mother dearest who was visiting for a few months). The boxes are still sitting in the golf room. I haven't touched them. All of the golf shirts, etc in that closet are as they were the day he died. I simply don't feel a need to go in or clear out these things yet. I've thrown out some stuff I called clutter or junk, a lot of his business files from the 70's, that kind of thing . . but otherwise status quo. I'm not hanging on because I can't let go . . I'm just not in the mood to deal with it just yet. Do what feels right for you. Hugs, D

In the first month after Donna passed I went through her jewelry and put aside the things that meant something to me and wanted to keep.Then I let all the girls in the family decide together what couple of pieces they wanted. I knew it might help them to have something of her's. It took me a year before I could do anything with her cloths and then I didn't do it all. It was very hard even after a year. I still find things once in a while. I'm down to the point where I'm not letting anything else go.

So the answer is, when ever you think the time is right is the right time.

Why is it "unhealthy" or "healthy"? And when the hell did that become a measure of healing? That was rhetorical, btw. I guess, being almost 7 years out, I think of it differently now. Oh, yes, I remember the angst of parting with (some of) Joe's stuff. Some of it I felt like I needed to. Some I still have, and I'm good with it. If keeping his truck stop coffee cup in my pantry, and his glasses in the truck, and his voice still on the cell phone makes me weird or something - well, alrighty then, I'll take the weird label and raise it with - I don't give a crap what anyone thinks. Bowing off the soapbox now...Marsha

I'm with Marsha on this one. People just rush right out and remove all the tell tale signs that their loved one ever existed. I have pondered this thought for a long time and dealt with a lot of random guys at my door asking for this or that. I got rid of underwear but nothing else. My thoughts are to hang on to things for my kids. I feel I need physical proof of his existence in my house. Like Marsha, I could give a crap or a rat's ass what others feel I should do. This stuff is all mine now and I never know when I may need a power tool or two or a pair of boots.

If people feel the need to discard that is fine. Just don't do it and down the toad you say damn it..I wish I had not thrown that out. Better to be a pack rat than to be sorry.

Maggie