Hi Patricia, Welcome to DS, the land that no one asked to go to, but we all need to be here with each other for support, comfort, and kindness in this, our most difficult journey of grief. And yes, I do mean a journey. I just want to tell you how sorry I am you lost your husband, especially after 36 years of marriage. Oh my goodness. My John died just 10 months ago, in August 2015, but it seems just like yesterday, and it seems like a distance fog of a dream. It is perfectly normal to feel you are going crazy because your emotions are so sensitive and feel like you are on a wild roller coaster ride. I remember so well those emotions. I did some pretty crazy, out of the ordinary things to, like wanting to ditch everything, get a backpack and just go south of the border to Mexico, live in an adobe hut, eat tacos, sit on the ocean the rest of my life. Just try and play it cool and calm, make no major decisions for at least a year because if you make a mistake of judgment, it will be hard to overcome, and because it is such a wild, uncertain time of your life and your feelings out of control because it is a traumatic shock to our brain, our emotions and our physical body, especially with the sobbing and crying, to lose someone we love. Just take good care of your health, Patricia, try and get good rest, eat well and drink lots of water because when you cry it takes fluid from your system.

As to advice to your dear friend, whose family and friends are being so judgmental and critical of her, at this point in my life, after loss, what people think does not matter. It is most unkind and inconsiderate and ignorant because those people do not know one iota what it is like to be in widow land, another world.
Best of luck to you Patricia, we are all here to listen, understand, help and comfort. Your friend deserves happiness with her new man, they are just jealous.
Hugs,
Nanette

No advice. She's an adult and is capable of deciding what she wants for herself. People will always think their opinion is necessary whether she grieves a year or ten.

Just support her. She already made the decision!

Hi Patricia...none of her friends or family can possibly understand the path that we all walk on. God forbid they ever do but someday...they will. Only then will they will realize how wrong they were to judge her.
They need to realize that she's not choosing between two men. She can love and cherish both spouses in this new life.
I recently ran across this thought and would like to share it ......
"We all have an infinite capacity to love and should that be a widowed's choice, finding love in a new life can and should be part of their dynamic...Remarriage does not equal forgetting...Loving again does not imply lack of or the end of love for the past. You are not destined to remain in mourning forever...that isn't why you are here...choose carefully, choose wisely and love again abundantly! "
Love to you both....
Darcie

Grieving is a necessary and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow....It is not a permanent rest stop...........Dodinsky.

People are quick to judge. No matter how hard death tries it can't separate her from Love and Memories of her late husband. Your friend will always have these. Good for her that she has found someone new to Love and Loves her and to create new Memories with. Much happiest to your friend...
I'm also sorry for your lose it does get easier just give it time.
It isn't a race there is no expiration date on grieving.
Happy Trails and hugs.......Gail

I have always been the kind of person that let other people's opinions of me matter too much. Of all the things that have changed in the six months without Bernie, the one thing that has changed the most is- I don't care what anyone thinks of what I do anymore. I do suggest, however, that unless I ask for an opinion, that they not share negative opinions of what I am doing with me.

I think maybe your friend should adopt the same attitude. It would be a shame, wouldn't it, if we came to the end of our life and realized that we didn't lead the life we wanted to lead because we were overly concerned about what other people thought? With the death of my husband, I truly became keenly aware of my own mortality. When my day comes- I want to look back and know I owned my own life- mistakes and all.

There are only two people that matter. He and her. If they love each other and are committed, then that's the only thing that matters. Everyone has to find their own happiness.
Sometimes unwanted pressure from family and friends can destroy some relationships and has.
Linda and I were the recipients of unwanted negative pressure, from my family and I opened the door for her to walk away if it was too much. She chose to stay and I made a decision. My family could be supportive and keep opinions to themselves or do without me. My wife came first.
They had to get over it. And we stayed together.

Take care.
Peace, Tim

To your friend I would say, enjoy your new life and I wish you much happiness. Sharon

There will always be critics. If she waited a year, if she waited 20, it would be the same. If she never remarried, there would be critics of that, too. It is amazing how some people can only look for ways of making others feel badly.

There is an old saying: "Living well is the best revenge." I think it applies here. She should ignore the naysayers. Sometimes 'love is sweeter the second time around...' I wish her well.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It has taken me a year to just find myself. I cannot fathom getting married any time soon. For one thing, it makes the family situation murky if you then die. Also, financially it would not be to my benefit nor to my heirs. I have to wonder why this legal step is so pressing if everyone is secure within themselves. However; I hope it turns out happily for her, just don't see me taking that step.Jean

Dear Patricia,

I have to agree with many of the sentiments expressed here - it's really up to your friend as to when "the time is right" for her to remarry. I'm approaching the 1 year mark myself and as one other person commented, I am just finding myself. I'm concentrating on letting God lead my life. I'm not ready for the step of remarrying or a relationship but everyone grieves and recovers differently. If the death of our loved ones taught us anything, it's love life and live it cause it can be over in an instant. Just support your friend and her new union and leave the naysayers in the rearview. God Bless!

Martha (cliffskat) said: "There will always be critics. If she waited a year, if she waited 20, it would be the same. If she never remarried, there would be critics of that, too. It is amazing how some people can only look for ways of making others feel badly."
I agree wholeheartedly. There will always be the negative Nestors and Nellies out there who judge and try to rain down condemnation no matter what you do. It's no one's business but her own how she lives her life and when the time is right to move forward into a new relationship.
I wish her and her new husband all the best.
xo Jacq.

I can't judge her or anyone else. Just this weekend I had lunch and a girls day with Chad's mom. We talked about the hardest things we face day to day. I told her mine is people telling me I need to date, I'm 30, people remind me the clock is ticking (as if I'm not aware) and he would want me to have a family. I told her I know this is true, that he would want me to go forward and have all the things he never got to have, but why did people feel the need at 5 months to push me (she let me know the family wants this for me someday whenever that is, their shot at more grandchildren). I'm not ready, but if your friend was, that is for her to know. We all move at our own speeds. I told his mom if in 3 years I haven't been on a date she can nudge me, she smiled and agreed :)

Hi Patricia-I lost my first wife to cancer and started dating 3 months later and remarried less than two years later. Ya there were comments that I didn't wait long enough. I can only speak for myself, I needed a companion! I don't do well alone. I wasn't reckless, I was careful, I knew what I did not want. The risk of course, is losing someone again, which is what I'm experiencing, my beautiful second wife has cancer that is terminal and going through this again is really tough. But when all is said and done, had I known the "Future" (which of course is impossible) I'd still marry her. She is the love of my life. There is inherent risk in anything, but, I have to live!