You are perfectly normal. Sounds just about right to me.

Keep checking in with DS. We understand the thinking back and remembering how everything played out just one year ago. With the sadness, try to remember being all together on the 17th.

Wendy,
As we approach the one year mark we are filled with apprehension. We are now counting the days until the first year instead of the days after our loss. The anticipation is worse than the day but no insightful revelations happen, no magical lifting of the cloud, it is one more day in loss. Hopefully the journey getting there has lessened the burden of grief and we have experienced some joys that give us hope.
Plan a memory event. I went to the cemetery and released balloons that we all had written messages to and shared lunch and stories. There were a few tears and some laughter and yes, perhaps some insight into the love we shared but the day passed and it was good.
My thoughts are with you as this time passes and the day arrives. How quickly the year went which is such a surprise as the days seemed to drag.
Hang in there, we are with you.
Linda

Nearing the 1st anniversary date is a big things. That is most likely why you feel the way you do. I felt the same. I finally realized the day is coming no matter what. I had built these dates up in my mind thinking that I won't be able to get through it and I'm gonna break down and need help. Turns out my anxiety about that day was worse than the actual day. Relax, the dates of anniversaries, birthdays, ect will always come and go. They are no different than any other day. They just remind us of our loss more. Good luck on the upcoming date.

Part of the issue is that it is St. Patrick's Day and it was always a special day for us. In fact Pat (Patrick) called it his day. I decorated, always made a special dinner and last year I bought a shamrock coffee mug for him. It is put away and has never been used. Our girls always celebrated the day too and I want them to still enjoy the day, but it will be tough on them too of course. I miss him so damn much.
Thanks to all who wrote me. Hugs, Wendy

My husband passed away on Sept. 2, '08 -- and I re-lived that last month of Aug. '08 as Sept. 2, '09 approached. I think that first anniversary is one of the widow's biggest milestones. All of the "firsts" are hard. I began to feel better after passing that first anniversary. I have now passed the 2nd, and am thankful to be free of the "searing pain" that once engulfed me. Gradually, you will feel better - take good care of YOU.
Doye

Recurrence Grief.... common & normal, but disturbing nontheless.
especially apparent toward the end of your first year as you approach
the anniversary date of your loved ones death. Getting past this
anniversary is but another significant step in finding your way through
grief. It is only natural to look back and reflect on what used to be
before you can let go of it, move on through your grief & embrace
whatever your life is going to be in the future...you will never forget,
because a part of the one who died remains in you... take charge of
your life and keep moving forward...Peace to all

this is from a book that helped me so very much ....
Finding Your Way Through Grief. A Guide for the First Year by
Marty Tousley ...

I agree with everyone's posts. I was terrified of facing the one year anniversary of Joe's death. But I planned to be with my daughter that day and it made it much easier. The day actually went faster than I thought it would. Being with someone I loved, eating dinner at a restaurant and talking about anything,including Joe, helped make the day less painful. It is absolutely true, as all these posters have said, the dread of the day is much worse than the actual day. God bless you and give you peace as you move through the anniversary dates in your life.
Caring for you,
Kathleen

Wendy, I just passed my 1 year mark 2 weeks ago. For the whole month of January I was a depressed mess. I thought I could get through it without a hitch - I'd been coping really well under the circumstances. Made it through Christmas, his birthday,New Years, then suddenly I felt like I'd hit a brick wall. So, I spent about a week putting photo albums together - reliving good times with Ken - and decided that on "the day" I would do something for myself and not dwell on my loss. My daughter had given me a gift certificate for a massage so I decided that would be a great day to have it done. It was a wonderful destresser and helped so much. The day passed with only a few tears instead of the flood I was expecting. So don't be afraid to be good to yourself. Don't feel guilty about finding some happiness. Go ahead and celebrate "Pat's" Day. Celebrate Pat's life. Love and Hugs, Christie

Wendy,
For me a 1 year was January 12,2011. The weeks leading up to was a lot of anticipation for the date. Look at it like you have made it this far and passed so many important dates to you. Funny enough on the 12th there was snowstorm that dumped over a foot of snow here I love snow and my wife Laura hated it. Good Luck