Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Since several people responded to my Friends??? discussion thought I'd give an update. After my email to "Jane" she sent me an email - basically saying - I have always been there for you - I called you every day Pat was in the hospital even though my brother was visiting from CA. (A ten minute update on the phone is not exactly extending yourself when you consider she had known my husband for 20 years.) What about the 7 mos since then when we didn't see each other even one time? But, I'm basically a nice person - so I let it go and called.
We ended up on the phone for 2 hrs and she then said "I have to go so I'll call you back tomorrow." - great! (Just the reason I told her I don't like phones)
Anyway her husband is back to work part time (few hrs a day) after his accident but he has swelling in his head and may need plastic surgery and broke a wrist. Jane is totally shocked by the fact that family (hers or his) are not stepping forward to help her. She expected them to all rush over immediately to the hospital and none came to visit at all the 3 days he was in or have offered to help with anything since then.
Welcome to the club, Jane - this is just the beginning. Husband will need months and months of recovery and Jane is out of work. Jane's husband was moving his boss's car (he has a special car due to MS) and didn't know where the brake was and smashed it into a brick wall totaling the 3 month old car. She expects workmen's comp to pay all the bills - but I don't see why they would - he's an accountant - this wasn't part of his job and he hasn't filled out a WC claim (Why would someone drive a car if they didn't know where the brake was?)
It could be a long road ahead for them since it sounds like her husband's mental and physical state is not good. Jane may need some help. I hate to say it - I will talk to her on the phone - but - she wasn't there for me when I pleaded with her - and now I'm not lifting a finger to help her. And - ya know what - I don't feel bad at all about it.
Marilyn
We ended up on the phone for 2 hrs and she then said "I have to go so I'll call you back tomorrow." - great! (Just the reason I told her I don't like phones)
Anyway her husband is back to work part time (few hrs a day) after his accident but he has swelling in his head and may need plastic surgery and broke a wrist. Jane is totally shocked by the fact that family (hers or his) are not stepping forward to help her. She expected them to all rush over immediately to the hospital and none came to visit at all the 3 days he was in or have offered to help with anything since then.
Welcome to the club, Jane - this is just the beginning. Husband will need months and months of recovery and Jane is out of work. Jane's husband was moving his boss's car (he has a special car due to MS) and didn't know where the brake was and smashed it into a brick wall totaling the 3 month old car. She expects workmen's comp to pay all the bills - but I don't see why they would - he's an accountant - this wasn't part of his job and he hasn't filled out a WC claim (Why would someone drive a car if they didn't know where the brake was?)
It could be a long road ahead for them since it sounds like her husband's mental and physical state is not good. Jane may need some help. I hate to say it - I will talk to her on the phone - but - she wasn't there for me when I pleaded with her - and now I'm not lifting a finger to help her. And - ya know what - I don't feel bad at all about it.
Marilyn
I don't blame you a bit. It's a sad fact, but when something this devestating happens, you find out who your friends are. .......and if you're like me, you're finding you don't have many. .....and that includes family.
My mother always said to me treat people how they treat you,l use to think that this was cold and callous,but now l have to agree with her.
l have changed so much since Frank died,my attitude to everyone has changed,and l suppose it is the grief that has done it,but l have always been there for people who have been in the situation that l am in now,but l have to say,no more,there is only so much you can give,its hard enough just getting through each day sometimes.l will always be there for my kids and my family but the friends who l thought would have supported me,well what can l say,like me,they will have to cope on their own,it is a hard life,and its took losing Frank to discover the meaning of so called friendship.
l use to feel guilty about the thoughts that l had about this,it was going against my own nature in a way,but not any more.Reading posts on this site,has taught me that l am not alone in the way l think and act,we have to care for ourselves,because not all of us have the friends,they may have gone to Franks funeral,but after the hug and the usual words,they vanish and go back to there own lives.My husbands death hasn,t affected them the way it has me and my family,and thats fine by me,but as coqoalno said,"what comes around goes around"yes its also Karma.
Alice