Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I recently replied to a post on the Hopeful Hearts board that respectfully asked the opinion of other DSers on whether there was only one soulmate for us in a lifetime. Sharon, a CL, asked if I would post my reply on the Widow/Widowers board. I understand that this post may chafe the raw emotions of those who have recently experienced loss. It is not my intention to compound your hurt with a topic that cannot be considered at this point in your journey. Hope is my only intention for all who know loss.
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Gerald,
My short answer to your question would be a definite 'Yes' to a second soulmate; although I believe, soulmates grow out of love, experiences, sacrifice, sharing, disappointments, common values, expectations, and joy. It is my opinion that it takes a great deal of time to mesh those categories into the title of soulmate.
Your post is extremely relevant to the widow/widower who detects a light at the end of this grief tunnel that has encompassed them and begins to envision a different future. That future may include another love, or it may include rich experiences with family and friendsboth satisfying in its own way. Each of us travels this path at a different speed, but ALL speeds are fitting.
I am including a Journal Entry I made July 2012 after meeting a gentleman (we met a year earlier) and realizing that I could love again. My husband left his earthly home in 2005, and I felt much like Sharon: I would never love again. The lesson has been learned to 'never say never.' I consider my marriage (we married January 2013) a gift, a second chance. When I knew that my friendship with this gentleman was blooming into something greater, I had two choices. The first was to consider myself truly blessed and gingerly see what twists and turns were before me and how we both responded to them. Yes, I knew the pitfalls, and we discussed them at length: losing someone again and yet more life changes that seemed daunting at the time; or, I could simply walk away and continue with the new life I had carved out since my husband's death.
I apologize for the lengthy post and for the repetition (for those who read my Entry earlier), but it is my hope that my Journal Entry may encourage others who are considering the question of another soulmate.
An FYI for those who are not familiar with my profile: I have been a member since 2009 and cannot find enough words to say how helpful this Web site was to my healing after loss. I was married 42 years, widowed 7 1/2 years after loss, and have been remarried for over 1 year. The journey of loss is emotional torture at times, but I would like to reinforce the belief that hope comes to the surface as time begins to bring us into a new future. Sometimes that is a difficult concept to consider; however, it is one that happens in spite of our reluctance to believe it.
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Journal Entry: DID YOU KNOW?
My Beloved Husband,
Did you know that I would survive the desolation of your loss? Did you know that I would gain emotional strength as I encountered life day after day? Did you know that I would find a facsimile of balance as my new life began to unfold, regardless of my reluctance to face it? Did you know that my view of life, love, loss, and God's faithfulness would be transformed and strengthened after your sudden departure? Did you know that my life would be FOREVER changed?
It seems impossible that on the 9th of July seven years will have passed since I last heard your voice, rested in your sweet counsel, was warmed by your radiance when our eyes met, and enjoyed the assurance of our love. Yes, it seems like a lifetime ago since the days were lighthearted and loss was what happened to othersnot us! We had 42 years of living, loving, and learning, and we did them all with dedication to God and family. I consider myself extraordinarily blessed. Your role in my life cannot be measured by any component; only I know the scope of your love and influence in my life. That influence did not stop when we last shared the joys of life together; it continues as I face each new day. Thank you for never giving up on us and our future together. You overcame so many obstacles in your life, revealing the heart of a spiritual giant.
Did you know that out of a friendship formed through loss, a gentleman would touch a part of my heart that you so tenderly nurtured? At first, I did notcould notgive credence to any emotion beyond friendship (in my mind's eye, I can see that silly grin on your face). It took a while, but the time came when I knew the person had arrived who would change my future for the second time in my life. My heart required this journal entry to you, my beloved husbandto declare how you so beautifully changed my life 42 years ago and then to share with you my gift of a second chance at love. Did you know?
Over this last weekend, he and I wanted to honor you and his wife with a combined balloon release. We privately wrote notes to you and his wife and then a combined note to both of you. We then attached them to the balloons, releasing them to the beautiful skies overhead. Did you know how difficult that would be? I shed tears of remembrance while holding the hand of another. Did you know how confusing that would be? Did you know that I will love you for the rest of my life? Did you know that the love we shared prepared me to be able to love again? Did you know that this man honors you by the way he cares for me, our daughters, and our grandchildren? Did you know that you and he would have enjoyed one another's company, working side by side in the woods or witnessing the beauty and complexities of nature?
Did you know that loss is paralyzing, hope is freeing, and love is powerful and courageous? Love to you, my friend and husband. I'll be looking for you at the gate. TJ
*******
Gerald,
My short answer to your question would be a definite 'Yes' to a second soulmate; although I believe, soulmates grow out of love, experiences, sacrifice, sharing, disappointments, common values, expectations, and joy. It is my opinion that it takes a great deal of time to mesh those categories into the title of soulmate.
Your post is extremely relevant to the widow/widower who detects a light at the end of this grief tunnel that has encompassed them and begins to envision a different future. That future may include another love, or it may include rich experiences with family and friendsboth satisfying in its own way. Each of us travels this path at a different speed, but ALL speeds are fitting.
I am including a Journal Entry I made July 2012 after meeting a gentleman (we met a year earlier) and realizing that I could love again. My husband left his earthly home in 2005, and I felt much like Sharon: I would never love again. The lesson has been learned to 'never say never.' I consider my marriage (we married January 2013) a gift, a second chance. When I knew that my friendship with this gentleman was blooming into something greater, I had two choices. The first was to consider myself truly blessed and gingerly see what twists and turns were before me and how we both responded to them. Yes, I knew the pitfalls, and we discussed them at length: losing someone again and yet more life changes that seemed daunting at the time; or, I could simply walk away and continue with the new life I had carved out since my husband's death.
I apologize for the lengthy post and for the repetition (for those who read my Entry earlier), but it is my hope that my Journal Entry may encourage others who are considering the question of another soulmate.
An FYI for those who are not familiar with my profile: I have been a member since 2009 and cannot find enough words to say how helpful this Web site was to my healing after loss. I was married 42 years, widowed 7 1/2 years after loss, and have been remarried for over 1 year. The journey of loss is emotional torture at times, but I would like to reinforce the belief that hope comes to the surface as time begins to bring us into a new future. Sometimes that is a difficult concept to consider; however, it is one that happens in spite of our reluctance to believe it.
********
Journal Entry: DID YOU KNOW?
My Beloved Husband,
Did you know that I would survive the desolation of your loss? Did you know that I would gain emotional strength as I encountered life day after day? Did you know that I would find a facsimile of balance as my new life began to unfold, regardless of my reluctance to face it? Did you know that my view of life, love, loss, and God's faithfulness would be transformed and strengthened after your sudden departure? Did you know that my life would be FOREVER changed?
It seems impossible that on the 9th of July seven years will have passed since I last heard your voice, rested in your sweet counsel, was warmed by your radiance when our eyes met, and enjoyed the assurance of our love. Yes, it seems like a lifetime ago since the days were lighthearted and loss was what happened to othersnot us! We had 42 years of living, loving, and learning, and we did them all with dedication to God and family. I consider myself extraordinarily blessed. Your role in my life cannot be measured by any component; only I know the scope of your love and influence in my life. That influence did not stop when we last shared the joys of life together; it continues as I face each new day. Thank you for never giving up on us and our future together. You overcame so many obstacles in your life, revealing the heart of a spiritual giant.
Did you know that out of a friendship formed through loss, a gentleman would touch a part of my heart that you so tenderly nurtured? At first, I did notcould notgive credence to any emotion beyond friendship (in my mind's eye, I can see that silly grin on your face). It took a while, but the time came when I knew the person had arrived who would change my future for the second time in my life. My heart required this journal entry to you, my beloved husbandto declare how you so beautifully changed my life 42 years ago and then to share with you my gift of a second chance at love. Did you know?
Over this last weekend, he and I wanted to honor you and his wife with a combined balloon release. We privately wrote notes to you and his wife and then a combined note to both of you. We then attached them to the balloons, releasing them to the beautiful skies overhead. Did you know how difficult that would be? I shed tears of remembrance while holding the hand of another. Did you know how confusing that would be? Did you know that I will love you for the rest of my life? Did you know that the love we shared prepared me to be able to love again? Did you know that this man honors you by the way he cares for me, our daughters, and our grandchildren? Did you know that you and he would have enjoyed one another's company, working side by side in the woods or witnessing the beauty and complexities of nature?
Did you know that loss is paralyzing, hope is freeing, and love is powerful and courageous? Love to you, my friend and husband. I'll be looking for you at the gate. TJ
Laurie
Robbie
Christine