The hardest thing I did? Make it through each day, then get up and do it again. That was pretty much it for a while - Hugs, Marsha

Going through her clothes and taking them to the charity shop; then listening to the funeral service when I knew it would hurt alot and then reading our first few love letters from 1977 and then working out it was lovely private, intimate for us only, but history, I needed to move on and disposing of the intimate ones. I will keep a few and pass them on. But the whole process of coming to terms with the magnitude of loss is a burden God never wanted us to bear in His plan and it is a heavy load to carry friends. Sometimes it seems too too heavy. And I am only five months this Sunday!!!!!

I am sorry for your loss. The first holidays for me were such a blur. I was still in shock and couldn't see straight still. You should do what you feel comfortable doing, if nothing. Your son is still young where he won't notice if things are done different this year. Good luck to you.Sharon

On a scale of 1 to 10, I must have had a dozen things that were an 11. That first year everything seemed pretty painful, but Valentine's Day, my birthday, and our younger son's high school graduation all stand out as pretty horrible days that year. I'm a couple of weeks shy of 2 years now, and while the second year hasn't been all wonderful, it has been easier.

As far as the holidays, I wouldn't try to make it all exactly the same. I'd pick one or two things to continue with. We have quirky holiday traditions in my house, so some we kept and some we ditched (we don't watch "It's A Wonderful Life" - we watch a Batman cartoon called "Christmas with the Joker" - you don't get much quirkier than that). It's never going to be the same, but it can still be enjoyable and you can honor your wife and celebrate. Don't try to do a big splashy event - be gentle with yourself. Maybe start a new special tradition for you and your son - like going to the movies or something. Your wife would want you both to enjoy yourselves.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Our first Christmas as a family without my husband was a mixture of tender caring for the feelings of one another as well as dealing with our own personal grief at not having my husband, their father, and their grandfather with us. Most of all, though, it was so precious to see how we all worked together to make the best Christmas we could for one another. No feeling sorry for ourselves because we each knew that the other was hurting also.

We have a family tradition of reading scripture before opening our Christmas gifts. C..... was always the one who started the scripture reading and then the grandchildren would follow with their readings. Very hard to sit and watch our tradition continue without him. We had a difficult time getting through the readings and opening the gifts that C.... and I had already purchased earlier that year. We just--so to speak--put our heads down and plowed through it. For us, that worked.

Our anniversary of 42 years married fell on the evening of his funeral visitation. Thank the Lord that was not as difficult as you might think. So many wonderful friends were at the funeral home to re-visit memories of fun times, honoring this amazing man. It certainly helped to take the edge off.

As time goes by, you will notice that you'll focus on the great times and memories you made together. As you share them with your children, those memories will become sweeter and sweeter. Your children will know their mother through your eyes. Awesome opportunity! May you have great peace and comfort on every "first" occasion. Blessings. TJ

My Robert passed away in the end of March. So this is a year of first for me as well. The hardset was Mother's Day by far. We were married on Mother's Day the year we got married. He would always take me out to dinner on or around Mother's Day for our double celebration. This year my oldest son took me out which I enjoyed, but there was such a deep sadness that it was difficult for me to really be happy. I couldn't wait to get home and get in bed and cry.

I have the hardest time when a real problem arrives. Like someone hit my car while I was in the store. Not having that person that actually cares as much as me about our son's issues in school. Not having that person to lean on when the world is against me.
I try to keep everything the same, specially the first year. But when I see a special day approaching I try to plan something to make new memories as well.
Like Marsha said...just making it through the day.

I think the hardest thing was telling my brain that he was gone and not ever coming back. Then the first year anniversary came and I found myself in a deep slope of sadness all over again. So I think dealing with the fact that he has been gone a year has topped the rest of the firsts for me.
By the way, I kept all traditions for my daughter as well and although sad I did not want gloom for her. No big celebrations but the basics were there for us during the holiday. Little by little.

I just lost my husband 3 weeks ago. Right now, it is hard just coming home from work and knowing he isn't here anymore. I can't even think about the holidays yet. But I do know, God will get me through it. i was only married for 4 years so don't have any children or years of memories but the memories I do have are precious and will be with me forever.

I'm coming up on my second round of holidays and in some ways I'm thinking these might actually be more difficult for me. My husband passed away in October last year, so when Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's hit I was still pretty numb. My children live two hours away and have in-law obligations, so I became a kind of charity case for my friends/co-workers. Christmas was the toughest, though; I had already bought John some gifts - NOW what do I do with them?? I didn't want to put up a tree but some visiting friends insisted and we ended up going out to a tree farm and then decorating it together. THAT was OK, but when it came time to try to get that thing out of the house I was on my own - and feeling it acutely.

You have a very young child at home so it IS important that you maintain at least some of your traditions, but learn to recognize your own emotional signals - if an activity is triggering too much anxiety or overwhelming sorrow don't feel bad about skipping it or modifying it to make it easier for you.

The hardest part for me wasn't a specific day it was trying to figure out 'what do I do now?' I mentally ignored the holidays, ate and went on auto-pilot without much thought (just dread!) I was pretty messed up emotionally and discovering how much I depended on him for everything was shocking to me. I thought I was pretty self-sufficient. Even though I worked outside the home it was inside the home that was my life. I'm happy to say I've found who I am in the past 29 months so it's not all gloom and doom. Sharon

My husband died in January of 2008 and the hardest thing I did that year was "FORCE" myself to put up the Christmas tree. I wasn't going to let his death "defeat" me. I bought an ANGEL ornament for him and put it on the tree, right in front, so I could see it every time I passed near it. I don't have a large house and I would have always wanted to put up a large tree.....but, until things change, my small, artificial tree will have to do, so it doesn't take a lot of ornaments to fill it up .

This year, for Bobby, I bought an LSU football player ornament, since Bobby played for LSU and was on LSU's National Championship Team in 1958...(he wore that Championship ring PROUDLY). I'll put his # on the ornament, in tribute to him. I'll also put it up front with my husbands so I can see them both.......hugs, Jenny