Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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catinawoolstonlawyer 12/11/2015

I went with my daughter and son n law to try and do a little Christmas shopping. I don't have much to spend, but wanted to try and get a little something. Once in the store I told them I would be ok on my own so, they could go get things they needed. I found myself stopped in the aisle watching other couples. They was probably wondering why I just kept staring. I couldn't help it, all I could think is its not fair! Jason, should be here with me singing through the store and tossing items over the shelves at me or walking behind me rubbing my shoulders. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't I was in a numb daze. I managed to get myself together to get out of the store.

We stopped and ate and sitting behind us was an older lady eating by herself, I watched her felt sad for her. And wondered if that's how its going to be the rest of my life. I lost two husbands and don't feel I'm worthy of growing old with someone. I have been lucky to have had two great guys and neither of those lasted. Its like I get happy and it has an expiration date on it from the start.

I

regwin 12/11/2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your Children feel your pain and are there for you. There will be many " firsts". Try to take one day at a time. Wishing you Peace and love as you heal. Hugs, Dolores

catinawoolstonlawyer 12/12/2015

I know one day at a time, but sometimes its like a week hits all at once. I'm so, used to my phone going off non stop while we were apart. Now its silent and I wonder why I even keep it on.

I have read on other sites that one door closes so, a better one cam open. How can anyone think the death of a spouse is a better door opening? There was nothing wrong with the door I had I'm sure just like the rest of you.

Thank you all for the encouragement while your going through the same hell.

slimbear 12/12/2015

That door opening comment reminded me, someone told me recently "she's in a better place now". Statements like that may be true, even worse they might not be, in any case they may be well meant but don't make me feel any better.

patty6953 12/12/2015

I totally agree with you! I've been to the store with my friends and stick close to them. I haven't been able to go on my own to do anything. David passed the 14th of Nov. Last night I went to Walley World with my GF after having dinner with her. It was crowded and we talked and I cried a little. People around me probably thought I was insaine or something but honeslty didn't care. Then went to the store. I kept looking at couples also and saying it's not FAIR! David and I were cheated. I'm still so mad at whoever is in charge of our Destinies! My sister-in-law states he was God's first and then given to me and now he wants him back. I personally do not give a solitary rats arse! He was and is mine and I want him back! We were headed to check out and I could feel myself starting to panic. I've had panic attacks off and on throughout my life. But, lately being around crowds and busy places and places we've been really send me off. Plus, feeling guilty and all.

catinawoolstonlawyer 12/12/2015

My Jason assed August 14 I also had panic and anxiety attacks before he was the only one that could comfort me if I could of been with him 24/7 he would if liked that. Now the attacks happen as soon as I wake up and no one to comfort me. Its such a horrible lonely feeling. He worked for our town and loved being in all the activities that go on. Tonight was Christmas on the square I went with my kids and couldn't help , but to cry because I know he would of loved it. What I wouldn't give to lay and watch tv just to feel him next to me.

patty6953 12/12/2015

I'm so sorry for your loss! I know exactly how you feel! I miss my David so much and even though our kids (12 cats) comfort me and curl up with me and snuggle with me all night. I miss him snuggled up against my back, his breath on my neck and his arm around my waist! I know your pain - I'd sell my soul to have him back next to me again, curled up with our children watching TV or just talking!

garrykowalewski 12/12/2015

I'm really sorry and I do relate. The first time I went to the grocery store after she passed I had a minor meltdown and had to go to 5he back of the store to quietly sob and compose myself. When I got home and unpacked the groceries I found I only bought 5 bags of beef jerky, 3 half gallon of ice cream, laundry detergent and cat food. I forget everything I really needed.

drmpetlover 12/12/2015

I had a similar experience recently waiting in line for take out in a restaurant. A man kept rubbing on his wife's shoulders, arms, etc. I just wanted to yell STOP IT, but knew I couldn't. It really made me sad.

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