Even though I'm four years into this between March 6th (our anniversary) and March 22nd (anniversary of her death) I wish I was in a comma. This year Nancy Reagan Passed on our (26th) anniversary and I watched all day long the stories of how her and Ronnie loved each other so much. I found that so very soothing to my soul. A couple of days of not crying my eyes out did help though and I decided this time I had to talk to people who feel what I feel. I have been reading the post's and balling all night. After four years. I have advice to offer Equally I found comfort in the replies. Still crying like a baby though. My Sexy Lady is no longer right there when I wake up in the morning (Also sucks because I dream every night and by far and away she is still alive in those dreams). There was a post earlier from a lady (I will pay better attention to names in the future) who posted about friendships changing. I have found the friendships changed not because of the friends but because the friends didn't change. We have no choice. My best friend has been married to the Sexy Ladies best friend for over 22 years we always considered ourselves family. There is no doubt in my mind that they are soul mates Just like me and the Sexy Lady. However when you actually have to bury the love of your life your soul mate, a full half of who you are because you have not made one single plan for your future that did not include her. The concept of exactly what that is and what that feels like is still just a concept to them. heck it was just a concept to me even several hours after she was gone. I really feel like i could explain to someone who has actually gone over a cliff and survived the fall EXACTLY WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE.

OK guys I could spout off all night but now I know I'm getting better. I always felt a need to thank the concept folks for listing. Now I know the reality folks are hearing

Good Night.

Two Hearts One Beat.