Hello puppylove. Two years and 8 months is not such a long time since your loss. I just started posting on this site about a week ago. As I indicated in my post, I have been widowed twice. First at 39 after my first husband died in a train accident coming home from work and the second time when I was 51 when my second husband died of pancreatic cancer 10 days after being diagnosed.

You did not mention if you had children or if you belong to any organizations or volunteer groups that might fill your time. That is what the first years are about. Filling that void, that emptiness that comes over us when we realize our loved one is gone and is not coming back.

It's been 26 years since the passing of my first husband but not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I had my two sons with him, who were 6 and 8 and the time of his death. My oldest is the spitting image of his dad right down to his mannerisms.

So my advice to you at this point is to try and fill the void in your life. Do some volunteer work if you can, learn something new. I took up Mah Jongg, the Chinese game of tiles and became quite proficient at it. So much that it became my business.

Do you have any close friends nearby that you can travel with?? Stay busy and don't let the loneliness set in. Life will get better!!

Hugs
Anna(lifegoeson)

I did read your post earlier and am inspired by your strength. I can't imagine going through this twice. My heart goes out to you. Two answer your question, I have two stepchildren and do have support from family but live quite far from everyone, so I see them for long periods several times a year and enjoy my time with them. I'm active in golf and do keep very busy with several hobbies. My big house keeps me very busy too, (way too big for one person). Will have to do something about that when I'm ready. It's those times at night when I'm alone that the sadness sets in. I suppose I don't actually feel lonely, it's more that I feel alone. I imagine you understand what I'm failing to express properly. One of our close friends passed away several months ago and that widow is doing great. Has me questioning why I can't seem to move forward. Although my counselor said I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else. As far as traveling, I have two older dogs and one young dog but I do have a dog sitter so I can travel but haven't wanted to do that yet.
I guess it's just one day at a time. As I said, you inspire me and I appreciate your advice.
Hugs back to you
Puppylove

It's been 2 years a 8 months for me too. I struggled with depression and loneliness for quite a while. I didn't have very many friends of my own so I had to learn to make them again. Volunteering and club activities helped a lot with that. I came to realize that I was often my own worst enemy as I was very good at isolating myself. Like you, my counselor sure helped me. She helped me see things I couldn't seem to on my own and helped me build skills to push myself out where I could get to know new people. Thru all that I discovered that I could be happy on my own too. Like you, I didn't feel lonely but felt alone. Coming to realize and accept that took a while and I had to work to get there. There are times I still feel that but I know now that it's just temporary. Acceptance of everything loss and grief bring to our lives requires time and each of us is unique. It'd sure be nice if things got better on their own but like all good things, it requires effort on our part and it's an effort that does pay off.
~John

I waited until Tim had been dead a year and then began to search for a dog. It really helped that "alone" feeling.

I have been through this twice my first husband 25 years he died of cancer. I found the love of my life Ben we were together 13 years and married 9 years so I no that there is always hope. I struggle with this loss more that I ever had. I feel alone but not lonely. Have much to keep me busy. Family gradkids. I no I am strong I can push pass this pain but at times I stumble along the way.

It so helpful to know that other people feel the same way I do. John, I know you're right and it does require effort which sometimes feels overwhelming and too much trouble. But just knowing that other people feel the same way makes me feel less alone. Yesterday I realized that I am probably in the last quarter of my life and do I really want to spend the rest of it in a trance and zombie like existence, I think not. It's just so much easier when you have a partner....but I guess that was then and this is now. I miss him every single day but at least now I feel I'm living at a more conscious level and not just going through the motions. My counselor suggested that I make a list of all the things I've accomplished in the past to give myself a boost and confidence to move forward. That has been a useful exercise so I share it with you. If we did it before, we can do it again.
Msgood, so sorry about both your losses. How lucky you are to have found love twice, how painful to lose the love of your life. Stay strong.
Woodfencing - congratulations on your dog. Mine have been a lifeline for me and have given me a great deal of comfort. Can't imagine life without a 4 legged companion,

You might check to see if there are any meetup groups in your area - go to meetup.com and search. You will often find a variety of groups, and a lot of places have meetups for dog owners. That's one way to meet and make new friends with a common interest. A number of people who have been members of our group have found that helpful.

I was still working when Cliff died, so it was a bit different for me. However, once I moved from the US to England, I had a hard time making new friends. I tried a book group, which helped some. Then I joined a local women's group, that helped a bit more. I did some volunteering and that helped some more. Then I was approached by our local church to help out, and I have met many people through that.

When we lose our spouses, we lose such a huge chunk of our social world. Unfortunately, it doesn't get rebuilt in one go. It usually takes steps and stages, one piece at a time. Give yourself credit for the things you have managed to do thus far.

The so-called grief experts say it takes anywhere from 2-5 years to get through a major loss, so don't feel that you are somehow behind the curve. We progress to certain points in the first couple of years, but real contentment or recovery tends to take awhile longer. So please don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing more than you think.

I am sorry for the loss that brought you here, but glad you found us. Welcome.
Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader

Martha, your message has touched me deeply. Thank you so much.

Hi, I don't really have any advice since I have been widowed for just over a month. But I hope things get better for you. Sylvia