Hi Lady,
I am so sorry for you loss. It is still very fresh and it will get somewhat easier as time goes by. The first thing I did was I got a dog for company, then I read lots of widow & grief book. I am at 15 months and its still very hard, I still cry every day but it is a bit easier, but I still HATE it!

Your friend just doesn't understand or know any better. I was the same way, I just didn't realize. A spouse is so much different then other close family.

You will probably have many more meltdowns over the years, they just happen and we move on. My heart goes out to you. I know, just like all the others here, its tough and we learn to be.

Keep coming back and read what others have to say.
Hugs & Prayers,
JoAnn

Hello,
I am sorry. I wish I could give you a real hug but for now here is a virtual one ((((Lady)))). You are going to be ok. Please do not let these insensitive comments by "Unexperienced" people hurt you. Hopefully this was from a friend who truly did not want to hurt you, but can not fathom what you are going thru. How can she?? I did not know before. I had a few people who had lost their spouses & I remember I did not know or reach out to them as I now wish I had. My excuse, I did not realize what they were going thru.
It's sad but it's very true.
My husband, Don passed away June 24 this year. It's been about 6 months. I still grieve for him. I miss him everyday. But I am starting to remember some good times and it makes me so happy when I do. I might cry today & smile tomorrow or this morning & tonight. It's like a seesaw of emotions.
I have a friend who was also best of friends with my husband. We were talking about Don this past week and she said something which made me start to thing a little different. She said aren't we lucky to have had Don in our lives. It hit me yes!!! I was!!!
I had Don in my life for 45 years. We met when I was 16 years old & were together ever since. We grew up together. I am so happy that we had all that time together & shared our lives. I am devastated now but I have hope that I will learn to thankful for all my blessings & know that we will meet again.
I am saying a prayer that you feel a little better and not be so lonely & sad. Try & remember the happy times and try not to think about the future so much. Even next week. If I think to far ahead it makes me sad becasue then I start remembering that Don will not be with me. So my new motto is "One day at a time". Take care, Lucy

Your story is so sad. I know exactly how you feel, as I have walked that road and felt what you feel. There was no hope left in me. I felt dead for at least 6 months......more like the whole first year. How do we go on living after this major, life-altering occurance in our lives? I hate the say it, but it's the truth. For about the first year for me, it was just to survive. I had no goals, just gritting my teeth to get through it. I cried, I ranted, I begged God, I thought of ending my life. I went through feeling of utter uselessness. But month by month I began to put little pieces of a life together. It is so very different from the life I had with Joe. I have learned to be alone. I don't like that, but it is beginning to feel better as long as I have interactions with people I love during the daytime. I think nights will always be hard. My best advice when you feel able to do so is to get involved in something that has meaning for you. At first you may feel like, "What good is this going to do me? Because all I want is to have my sweetheart back." That's what we all want!!!! But that will never happen until we leave this earth ourselves. Soooooo........I pushed myself a bit to get out and do things little by little even though my heart wasn't in it very much. I have tried to just "follow directions" and do what is recommended to help heal me. The advice was very right! After pushing myself to do things, I now look forward to doing them. I have some new friends (well, OK, new acquaintances) but they care about me. When I don't show up, they worry that something might be wrong and they give me a call. It will never be all OK. But it can be "good". And most of all, I know God will fulfill his promise that we will be together again one day. May peace be with you. You're gonna be OK.

Been where you are. Like others have said those outside the tunnel of grief can't understand it isn't something that will "return to normal" when half of our life has gone. We have to build a new normal and all we want is what we had. For the first year I prayed this nightmare would end and I would wake up to tell him the horrible dream. By year two, I gave up on the dream idea and had no idea what to do with this awful reality.

We make it moment by moment until we can get through a day at a time. It is awful and I understand. Sharon

Lady - I know. I so know. You're like one raw nerve, and it seems like no one can say the right thing. I had one neighbor (I live in a small townhouse development) whose door was always open to me. She was 75, on oxygen, and I would walk right in there, sit on her couch and sob. All she would do was stroke my back - didn't say but a little bit. It's funny, but it was easier for me to see Joanie than talk to most friends then. This is not easy, Lady, and I won't sugarcoat it. But I'm at 4.5 years, and still standing. And I have felt that despair and hopelessness. One day - one moment - at a time - Hugs, marsha

The one thing that helps me the most is coming here and talking to all the wonderful people who truly understand. Little by little things slowly get better and easier to deal with but there will be ups and downs for a while. It is 8 months for me. Slowly but surely I am starting to get out and meet new people and join new groups to keep me busy. Healing takes time but the loss of our other halves will always be there reminding us of all the love we had and will always have in our hearts. Be patient with yourself and pamper yourself as much as possible. hugs and prayers, Lynn