Today was my first holiday too. My sister took me to see the fireworks tonight and I cried all during them. I don't think anyone noticed, or if they did they hid it well. I'm thinking of you and all the broken hearted tonight. Hugs and love, Kim

Oh, the dreaded Holidays, especially during the year of firsts. It doesn't take much to bring out the grief monster. Sometimes it's the holidays that we don't consider to be a trigger that catches us off guard and the grief unexpected. Other times, it seems that the holidays we dread the most go by without the deep grief we expect. It's a crazy ride for sure. Sending out lots of love and healing energy to those that are feeling alone this holiday weekend. Many of us have been there, so we get it. Hold on tight ... it will get better with time. Remember baby steps and one day at a time. Gentle Hugs, D

Even though I'm on my second year of holidays, yesterday hit me pretty hard again. Especially when I heard the neighbors laughing and having a great time. For many years, we held a BBQ for friends and family. Harv would make his special cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped hot dogs and root beer floats. We had other food too obviously but those two were always big hits! Now I just have to make it through today (my birthday). The firsts are especially hard and I hurt for you. It does get a bit better (or maybe different is a better word) with the passage of time, but the memories will always be there I think. Big hug to you. Darlene

My Fourth of July experience was different than most widows' on this site, it seems. I'm going to share it, in case it helps anyone. We have to have the freedom to do what we are most comfortable with.
I'm at a little over 4 months after losing my sweetie. He was planning to bring in a French chef and host a big Fourth of July party for lots of friends and families. Unfortunately that didn't happen.
Instead, I asked my neighbors if I could tag along with them to the local parade. That got me invited to their house for breakfast along with another couple. We enjoyed the parade together.
I wanted my daughter, SIL and 2 grand babies to see the parade and invited them to stay overnight with me. They came for the last of the parade.
Some neighbors down the street invited me to their house for a big barbecue. I had had had them over for Happy Hour a few nights before, and took them breakfast when they were moving in, which they loved. So I didn't feel too weird asking if my daughter's family could come too. They said Absolutely, and it was fine. Me plus 4...
That night, I went to my back neighbors' house to watch the fireworks from their 3rd story roof. We weren't exactly invited, but I had taken a nice dinner to them when she had a baby, and we chat in the alley. I wanted my grandkids to get to know her kids, so we took over a platter of cookies and a pitcher of homemade peach sangria and they invited us up to watch on their roof, along with other neighbors.
It could have been a sad day, but instead of it a fun day surrounded by all kinds of people. I kinda forced all of it to happen. ha ha Called in some chips!
But I guess I'm just staying true to who my husband fell in love with. We were both " people" people who liked to party with others.

Hats off to you kkg17! You sound like an amazing lady! We could all learn from you I think.
Darlene

thanks for all the kind words and for sharing your grief as well as the good times. I am thankful I am a manager in retail so I worked all weekend which did help keep my mind off danny, at least during the day. Sending love and hugs