Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my soul-mate on Nov 14th, 2015 to a massive heart attack right next to me. It has been seriously hard. I still have a hard time believing he's gone and yet I know he's gone from this plane of existence.
This Christmas would have been the 12th Christmas I've spent with my David and his family. I'm 2700 miles from my family. As I'm from Oregon and we live in Ohio. I honestly didn't want to do anything yesterday but hide and never come out. A friend who lost her husband 17years ago. Suggested I try and do some of the similar things we always do. So instead of cooking here at home like we always do. I make the turkey roast we get from a local turkey farm, made his green bean casserole with the colby jack cheese and bacon in it. Along, with the fresh made rolls with Asigao cheese on top (the cheese was a added new thing and everyone loved it). I made the stuff at work since I take care of two people in their home. I wrapped the presents he mostly picked out over the past few years for his family. We are the types that when we see something and have the $ we get it and put it away.
David usually worked from 4pm to 8pm, so me being at the family home without him wasn't unusal. I'd always save a plate for him to eat when he got off work and he'd be there to open presents. I took my nephews dog out for a walk and have time to let the tears fall and have a cigarette. The tears just flooded, and then got myself together for the family and to open presents. I couldn't help but cry because it just felt so wrong and I was angry that he'd been taken from us all especially from me. Our 8th wedding anniversary was this past Aug 12th, 3 days after his 62nd birthday and he's just retired the end of July of this year.
I'm sitting here Christmas morning and afternoon alone without him in our house. With our furballs and watching some of our shows. going through the motions. I have to go to work in a few hours. But, i feel just lost and alone! I know I got great family and friends, but I'm here alone without my soul-mate! I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of the anxiety, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of this bloody damn nightmare! I want him back and there is nothing I can do to bring him back!Why is that whoever is in charge of this pbgg picture takes the ones that are loved so much! I might be being selfish here, but I want my husband back!
This Christmas would have been the 12th Christmas I've spent with my David and his family. I'm 2700 miles from my family. As I'm from Oregon and we live in Ohio. I honestly didn't want to do anything yesterday but hide and never come out. A friend who lost her husband 17years ago. Suggested I try and do some of the similar things we always do. So instead of cooking here at home like we always do. I make the turkey roast we get from a local turkey farm, made his green bean casserole with the colby jack cheese and bacon in it. Along, with the fresh made rolls with Asigao cheese on top (the cheese was a added new thing and everyone loved it). I made the stuff at work since I take care of two people in their home. I wrapped the presents he mostly picked out over the past few years for his family. We are the types that when we see something and have the $ we get it and put it away.
David usually worked from 4pm to 8pm, so me being at the family home without him wasn't unusal. I'd always save a plate for him to eat when he got off work and he'd be there to open presents. I took my nephews dog out for a walk and have time to let the tears fall and have a cigarette. The tears just flooded, and then got myself together for the family and to open presents. I couldn't help but cry because it just felt so wrong and I was angry that he'd been taken from us all especially from me. Our 8th wedding anniversary was this past Aug 12th, 3 days after his 62nd birthday and he's just retired the end of July of this year.
I'm sitting here Christmas morning and afternoon alone without him in our house. With our furballs and watching some of our shows. going through the motions. I have to go to work in a few hours. But, i feel just lost and alone! I know I got great family and friends, but I'm here alone without my soul-mate! I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of the anxiety, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of this bloody damn nightmare! I want him back and there is nothing I can do to bring him back!Why is that whoever is in charge of this pbgg picture takes the ones that are loved so much! I might be being selfish here, but I want my husband back!
I'm glad you found us and we understand because we are understanding of the loss with our own suffering. The road ahead is winding with ups and downs and twit's and turns, but having someone to travel with you is helps. Sharon
I am so very sorry for your loss. I think you did extremely well considering the devastating pain you are in. I am about 5 weeks behind you in that respect. I lost my husband on Dec. 21st. Your posts really resonate with me, and I felt that I wanted to hug you and say that I understand. My husband was a year from retirement, and we had already made so many plans....the renovations we would do, the trips we would take, the time we would spend sitting on the porch and watching the world go by. Cruel fate came out of nowhere and erased everything that would lie before us. I weep for all of us having to go through this nightmare that seems relentless. I do find comfort in the fact that we have each other to talk to.
I hope you'll find some moments of peace, Patty. You have my heartfelt sympathy.
Raniah: Thanks for the message. I'm sorry for your loss so close to Christmas. David and I had so many plans, he'd taken over a house and we were to finish it this next summer since he'd just retired this last July. Now, I have to give it up and move and try to find a place to take our kids (cats) with us. I honestly do not know how to keep going but I am.
Garry: I so sorry for your loss. I've seen you post a few times about your wife! I was stunned that she passed at such a early age. My husband was 62, and yeah I knew we'd not be together for 50 plus years because of our age difference but figured for sure we'd have at least another 20 years or so. He'd just gone to the doctor three days before an he was good. Doc even took him off his blood pressure meds. He'd had lower back pain and it' had gone to his leg - but they all figured pinched nerve from a previous motorcycle accident back in his 20s. A friend suggested checking for blood clots because of the leg pain and I'd asked him to check into it. Not sure if he did or not because I worked that day and I was exhausted when I got home and he said it was all good and his doctor had taken off his BP meds because he was doing so good. I just can't wrap my brain around this all. A part of me thinks he's on vacation and he'll be home soon. Another part of me knows it'll never happen and I'll see him whenever it's my time - if there is a heaven and a joining of family and friends.
meggyk
My first really happy memory came through this tragedy today. I remember recently when D was tickling me. We used to "rassle" when we were really more kids, so it was kind of hilarious us being in our forties and he got his tickle on. He always loved to make me laugh, and things had been so stressful, I think tickling was the only way to get a laugh out of me right then.
Today, on this rainy Seattle day, I suddenly remembered his eyes looking at me and loving my laughter.
It's been a costly happy memory; the aftermath of re-realized loss.
I'll grow accustomed to this pain.
I, too, feel most at peace in the place where D actually died. It is strangely comforting, that place in our home. I may be moving soon and will miss this unusual and unexpected solace. But what is one more emotional inconvenience.
I'm very sorry for your loss. A thought came to my mind. If you still think he is "away", you can surely write him letters/short notes. You'll dispense some energy by writing out how you feel towards him.
Love and light,
raininseattle
I started writing again a few weeks ago but it got to be too hard. My sister-in-law gave me a couple of grief books and a journal to write in for Christmas I haven't been able to look at them yet. Tomorrow maybe. I would write on FB since we have such a small circle of ppl on each of ours about what we did or were doing each day. Yesterday and today I started writing it as a letter addressed and tagged to his FB account about my day an what I did and how I loved and missed him!
Thank you for your post and I'm sorry for the loss of your own husband. I'm taking it a moment a time. My sister-in-law gave me a couple of books on grief for Christmas. I've yet to open it up. I'm barely able to get up each morning as those are my hardest to deal with. He was and is my life. But, I know he'd want me to go on and do the things I can that we wanted to do until it's my time to hopefully, be with him again.