Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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First Christmas Article

karatxmo
karatxmo
My grandmothers church group has been sending me cards and things since I have lost my husband. it is nice to get mail from strangers that just says we are thinking of you. earlier this week I got a card and an article from a older woman who has been a widow for a while. it was about the first Christmas. in it a pastors wife writes about how she never knows what to say to those experiencing loss and getting through the holidays. its a really lovely article. but the basis of the article is that to remove your pain she would have to remove your memories and that is something she would never want anyone to do...lose their memories of their loved ones. I agree...to not hurt and long for John I would have to lose all of my memories that we spent 7 years making. She recommends holding onto those good memories to get through.

Christmas isn't really hard for me so far...I think its because I know Christmas is just one day...its all the other days that scare me. But I will hold onto my memories and I hope yall find comfort in yall as well.
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I was talking to a widower tonight, he was married for 65 years. He told me, the best thing to do, is keep going, not give in. And if you can find someone as soon as possible. He said the loneliness will kill you as well. He was about 85, and found a female companion within year. For companionship. They moved in together. He said, people will tell you to take time to grieve. He said, he didn't have time....
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Kara, that is a very good point. I guess it's sort of like that old saying about "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." One of the things that became very clear to me after awhile was that my memories of our life together were part of MY history, and that I had a right to MY history. People expect you to never mention their names or anything that happened while you were with them. That is absurd. I tell people that I became a widow, I did not enter the Witness Protection Program.

I have really felt ownership of my history and of Cliff's history. I don't know how else to put that. I can tell you that eventually the comfort outweighs the pain in the remembering.

I hope you and your little ones have a good Christmas.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
LostAndFeelingAlone
LostAndFeelingAlone
I believe that is such wonderful advice: Hold on to the good memories. Appreciate the time we had to together.