Linda, I wanted to as you say, "sit on the couch and cry!" I didn't want a whole hoopla of people around me. I didn't want anyone to deflect me away from the memory of him.

I opened his closet, took out one of his favorite shirts, held it to my face and whaled like a hungry, sleep deprived baby!!!!

It felt so good.....I was exhausted when I was done but it was exactly what I needed at the time.

I had been so stoic and brave for the children, family and friends. I didn't want them to see me fall apart....well, guess what, I needed to fall apart and I did.

YOU do whatever feels right for you to do. Whatever!

Much love being sent your way,
Roz

Linda

I just passed our first anniversary and like you I did not which direction to turn. I told everyone that I would not be around that day and to leave me be myself. I decided to celebrate the day by having a mass for Jeanne, going to the cemetery, the church we were married in, the place we went parking when we were dating, the houses we grew up in when we met and finally I took her sister who was our maid of honor for lunch. in the end the day was great. I looked at our weeding pictures and had a lot of pleasant memories. However the next day I experience intense grieving on the couch crying most of the day, which is how I ended up at this forum. Whatever you do remember that your wedding day was a very special day where you expressed your love for each other. That love continues you are just not together physically. Happy Anniversary it is just different now.

Linda,

Yes, the first anniversary without the love of your life is a tough one.
It's hard to know or vision how one will react until that day arrives.

For me, I spent the day with Larry's mom (95yrs) who moved with me. She is in assisted living and we were married on her birthday 38yrs ago, so we always celebrated them together.

No doubt this was the hardest anniversary of all, but we did a lot of
going down memory lane & looking at a lot pictures.

You will know what to do when that day arrives. Take care

For my first anniversary alone I wanted to be alone from family and friends. However my daughter insisted that I come for dinner and I gave in as she was suffering also. I spent the day alone writing him a letter and dealing with my own emotions, then went to her house for dinner with my children. It worked out as good as it could. Sharon

Well, my 1st, I was alone and fearful. The weather was so bad, my car was iced in. I ended up just sitting in front of the TV and crying. The 2nd one was bad weather also. I did the same. He died on February 11th.

For our first anniversary without him, I took off to go someplace we were planning to go this year for that occasion. It was just over 5 months after his passing. I had booked a room for the weekend.

It didn't work out so well. It was miserable without him... I could not sleep, or enjoy the Jacuzzi. By about 2 AM the first night, I had cancelled the second night, and by 3 I had my things loaded in the truck and ready to leave. I had to wait until first light though, because I have trouble driving at night, especially in unfamiliar areas.

I came home and locked myself in my bedroom. Shane was the only one I wanted to be with for that occasion, and since I couldn't be with him, I did not want to be with anyone.

It is very hard to surmise what might work for someone else... and I think a night or two away might be exactly what some people need... in my case, it was torture. It was too soon to be away from his things, and the home we shared. Hugs to you at this difficult milestone. Amy

I spent the day at the cemetery played music there and wrote him a letter, I cried and I wore his wedding ring and shirt all day. I posted a picture of us on facebook for all my family to see. It was scary, sad and hard but I had to do it. Do what ever you need to do to get though the day. It will be what you make it and if that means sitting on the couch then so be it. Sending strength and thoughts your way

Truth is, we are all experimenting on ourselves!
My husband died the week of our anniversary. no warning. and our day for the private family viewing was our anniversary. it was so surreal.
I imagine that, for me, I will be reliving that whole week of his death and funeral next anniversary. No idea what I will be doing or planning yet.

I chose to spend the day by myself, I asked family and friends, (had to to tell one daughter, not ask, but tell) that I wanted to be left alone, I didn't want any mention of it.

It was my day, my day to be sad, my day to remember, and my day to be with myself and my memories of her.

I don't have any regrets in doing that - an anniversary is usually a time that the two of you celebrate together with out others, so being by myself, seemed the appropriate thing for me to do.