Yes, I get it. It sucks. It is unfair. There is nothing anyone can say or do to make it better. Nothing matters anymore. Everyday problems that we used to think about are so trivial. I guarantee that everyone here gets it, because we are all in the same boat. Only another widow or widower can understand that your heart has been ripped out.

It helps to come here and read the posts of others and to either privately blog about your feelings or post them so others can comment. We understand. My husband has been gone 9 months. Sending heartfelt cyber hugs your way....Linda

https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/catherine-tidd-lonely-not-powerful-enough-word-to-describe-w

One of the reasons I don't talk to many people in my life about how I really feel since losing my husband is that I DONT want to be anyone's project. Some people think they are helping but they aren't. They look at you from a completely ignorant perspective and have NO idea what you are going through. You just sometimes need company and for someone to treat you normally but understand if you can't be the way you used to be. It is so isolating because most people are afraid of you and don't know what to do. There is no easy answer. This site helps tremendously. There are other organizations that allow widows and widowers to get together and socialize and feel supported. Soaring Spirits International is a good resource. Some grief groups are helpful if there are others who have lost a spouse. Don't give up, it helps to have this kind of support.

CanYouFeelMyHeart, You write something that I can relate to. When you said you want to be alone. I needed exactly the same thing. I wanted to be left alone. Nothing anyone said made any sense. I didn't want to hear about the hard time they had getting a flight, etc, etc. I didn't want to go out to dinner. I wanted Bob and our life back.
Take one day at a time. Do the best you can with it. It may not seem so now, but It does get better in time. Try to take the best care of yourself that you can. Try to eat to keep up your strength. Every one here understands and they are here for you. Visit when ever you need to. Wishing you strength and Peace. Hugs, Dolores

I get it. Its been 5 weeks. Im tired of people telling me i will be okay and i need to move on. I cannot move on. I do not want to move on. I want my husband back. I want my life back. I want to see him, hold him, touch him. I get it. Im with you. Please know your not alone. My daughter watched as he passed. It was devastating. Watching while someone unexpectedly passes before your eyes. I understand the unanswered questions and how to respond to your daughter. I get the weight and complexity of that. Please know that i and others on here. Truly understand

I get it...18 months later is how long it took for me to get away from the well meaning people. I just do not like being with them. I’m so tired of the comments and that they don’t get it. I’m tired of the ones who don’t really talk to me then want something from me. Now, I get I loved to bake before but that was the old me. You don’t even know me anymore. Just leave me alone. I go out. I do things. It’s just doesn’t feel the same. Everything is different. The way I view the world is different.

Seeing your age in your profile, and as I have some clothing your age, I can’t begin to understand what it’s like for you. Such different worlds we coexist in with same anger at life’s mystic dance. I’ve noticed recently that the old friends slipping away process is underway. I think it’s a mutual thing because im not feeling the loss. While writing this I’m sitting in a waiting room to have my first of 28 radiation treatments, looking around I see couples that are carbon copies of my wife and me, during her treatment, some look resolute others have that vacant look. The ones alone like me seem stronger somehow.

Yes I totally get it. Getting advice from people who have no clue what its like to have your heart shattered, have no effect at all, except to drive me away. I walk away muttering to myself.....oh if I only could get over it but truth is I never will. Miss my husband every day, miss his great big bear hugs, sometimes I swear I can feel him. He always had my back, put me before himself, so kind and as they say "a safe place to fall". So saying just get over it, is a slap in the face. I just plain can't and unless you've gone through losing your husband or wife, they just don't get it. But friend, yes I totally get what your saying and feeling. Jan.

Coldbiker, praying for you and yes indeed we do seem stronger, we have no choice. Thinking and praying for you as you undergo radiation treatments. You've got this. Jan.

Coldbiker. I had thirty radiation.treatments on my lung for a month. That was 2014. I Am doing well. I showed up alone for each one and gained more strength as I went along. I know Bob was with me all the way.. You're not alone. Your wife is right there with you. Love and Hugs, Dolores

I know what you mean about being someone's project! I also know what you mean about conversations that now are so irrelevant. It really is irritating and makes you feel resentful. I especially was angered by women who complained about their husband's habits. I would have given anything to still be able to pick up Rick's dirty socks from the floor and put them in the hamper! You want your life back the way it was, but you know that cannot happen. You do not want the life that is now yours, but there is nothing to be done about it. It is what it is. You just have to live through this time. You will come out okay on the other side. It takes a long time and it will never be the same, but it will get better. I will be praying for you.

Cold Biker, I am praying for you as you have your treatments. God bless.

CanYouFeelmyHeart, I get you. I lost the the most important person in my life 8 weeks ago. My life just turned upside down. It is a very, very sad journey....and nobody really will understand the pain that we are going through unless they themselves have experienced the same loss. I don't even want to talk to my family because all I hear is "you need to move on". I actually sent them a message to please respect me as I grieve the loss of my husband. To move on is easier said than done. So I told them to please give me time.. They do not know how profound the loss was. Just like you, I want to grieve in private. I do things on my own, I really struggle every day but I try my very best because if something happens to me my husband is no longer here to take care of me. We did not have any children, it was a mutual decision. So I am all alone now. My family and in-laws live out of state. The last time I posted here, I got some very good advice... I actually started journaling where I can write all my thoughts and feelings and I think it is helping me a little bit. I also started walking which my late husband really wanted me to do so I can get a little exercise and it is helping me too. I know everybody is unique and every body will grieve in their own way. I also learned that we are going to go through different emotions as we grieve, and we need to just let it be. I had intense anger last week for whatever reason I did not understand. I cry a lot, so I'm better alone so as not to bother other people. Just try to stay strong for you and your child. And take care of yourself. We may never understand why our husbands have to go....but keep the faith for we shall see them again....sending you virtual hugs.... You have very good support in this group.

The exercise , even if it's a walk outdoors will help tremendously. I joined a ladies gym near the cemetery and I found that when I was exercising , I wasn't crying.

Keeping busy working out your job go for a hike it helps your pain will come and go I'm no expert my wife is only gone since jan 2018 but keeping busy is how Im' keeping it together most of the time but still have good and bad days
that's the price of true I guess .Take care of your self