Ah, the NW. I'm in central WA. Moved back here to my wife's home town in '03 to get back to her family she missed for 15 years while I chased my legal career over on the west side, Longview/Kelso north of Vancouver. I can't imagine grieving over on the wet side, I found 9 months of rain to be so depressing. Yes, we have true 4 seasons on this side of the Cascades, and yes, I live in a desert, but I do appreciate the weather. I've gotten stuck in so many unfinished projects, at home and at work, it seems to be either a part of grief or depression (hard to draw a distinction between the two). And I get angry at myself for not finishing projects, living the polar opposite of my 30 years with Juani. So, I'm trying really hard to focus on finishing one thing at a time now. So I've been working on camping modifications to my motorcycle trailer to pull behind my Miata. Taking me forever, like everything else these days, but I am forcing myself to stick with just that project with the goal of spending time up in the mountains. I do find peace in the forest and mountaintops, and want to take advantage of that passion I have while my health allows. I know its hard, but we are on our own now. So if I see a behavior in myself I don't care for, I do my best to figure out how to change it (like not finishing anything). Anger is natural in grieving they say. The root of my anger was really just being angry at myself. So I had to figure out why I was angry at myself, and then work on that. So my goal is to finish that damn camping trailer this weekend come hell or high water, right or wrong, perfect or imperfect. I've just got to check something off my mile-long list to see some positive movement in my life :) --- Scottie

I have felt the same anger except mine was 18 years ago when my husband had a stroke leaving him unable to communicate along with right side weakness. Now I had to do everything including being a caregiver. My saving grace was I loved him so much it put my anger at bay. He died almost 4 months ago. Now being lonely has taken angers place. It's not so bad having to learn to do new things, just frustrating. I do find when you reach out and ask someone to help it gives them a feeling of self worth so don't hesitate to ask. God Bless

Some days it's good to be angry, get it out. We smother it sometimes and one day, bam, up it comes. I'm angry today too, angry putting flowers on his grave, angry he's not here to help me, at the mercy of family and friends, angry that today was told I'm losing my hearing and no one to hug me, with one of those great big bear hugs only John could give. Helps to know that other people do get angry also, not just me. Ok I feel better now and less angry.

Maybe that's it. I think they only allow fresh flowers at the cemetery this time of year. I will have to go out there and look at their sign. I don't have a vase to put fresh flowers in since that comes with the stone. I don't like going to the cemetery at all. This one has some above ground "mailboxes" that creep me out. A teen-age boy who used to be my neighbor offered to help me do some things this summer, so he may end up with some jingle in his pocket. Except I may have it done before he's finished with end of year school events. The young men at church who liked my late husband so well don't have time to assist a widow.

It is better to let it out than keep it in and let it fester. I am so grateful for this site that let's people talk. I wish I could give real hugs, Wouldn't be the same as a hug from the one you love, but it would be sincere. Keep on doing the best you can shewearsblack, You will get through this and things will get better. Perseverance is the name of the game. Praying for you as always.

My hair is standing on end today. I can't get the vector file to print off right, and my guess is that you can't print one off on a standard computer. I guess I will send it on to the monument company and have them send me another proof.