I recently joined this discussion board and have been reading all the stories about your loved ones passing. I can finally write about my beloved soulmate, best friend, fianc, and everything (Jimmy). I lost him two weeks ago to a heart attack in his sleep. Jimmy was only 48, and I am 51. Jimmy had a heart attack one year ago, he was with me complaining of his left arm hurting, he was sweating and clammy feeling but did not want to go the ER. I told him either I was going to call 911 if he didn't get in my car so I could drive him to the hospital which is ten minutes away from my house. He decided to go and I took him there and the ER staff stabilized him and quickly air lifted him to a bigger hospital where he had a stent placed in him. After a year passed the doctor said he good go off his Plavix, wrong decision!! he started complaining of his arm hurting again, he said it was from painting a ceiling, I said lets go to the ER, he fought me on it. I thought maybe he could of pulled a muscle from painting because that was what he did for a living. The night before he died I talked to him on the phone, he was out with some of his buddies, he told me and all of his buddies he was out with that his arm was still hurting, I had to pick my mom up the next day from the nursing home and bring her home ( she just had a complete knee replacement at 83). I should of went down to his house and insisted I take him to the ER! I blame myself for this! His brother also was with him that night and he should of also brought him to the ER. I talked to Jimmy that last night, and I told him that I loved him, and he responded to me with these words "I love you forever". I tried calling him all the next morning but he didn't pick up and I thought he went to this job, when his number finally came up on my cell it was his brother telling me that he never woke up. Them words stung like fire and I went hysterical, I was at the nursing home. I don't know why he didn't go in, I am angry at myself, angry with him, and I miss him so dam much. I just feel so lost with out him. A huge part of me died with him that ugly day, and now I wish the rest of me could just die too.
But I know that I can't kill myself because then I would not be able to be with him again in heaven. I just feel so lost.