Hey Lynn,
It's normal when dealing with what you are dealing with. Everyone has to work thru it in their own way. Being Christian I approach it in a Biblical world view. I know that they have only died in the physical sense. Their spirits are alive and well waiting for the time for us all to return home and we will see them again for eternity. I don't push my beliefs onto anyone else but it is what I know is true. My wife left for home in August. It helps when I go to places she and I had never gone to right now because it does still hurt, the missing her. I think we hurt as much as we love them. Interacting with others who have gone thru or is now going thru this helps a lot. It's one of those things that unless you go thru it's impossible to understand the level of pain connected to it. Just take care of you and do what's right for you don't worry about normal, that's up for grabs anyway.
Peace, Tim

My husband died end of August. He was my high school sweetheart, we were married for 48 years. Yes, he was a love of my life, my soulmate and my best friend. I found him dead that early morning Friday ... From the very beginning I promised myself 3 things, for my daughter's sake:: I will make my bed every morning, I will take a walk every morning and every evening, and I will leave the neighborhood once a day, even if it is just to buy an apple at the store. It didn't take away the pain, the horror and the 'aloneness.' It did give me some control over the situation at the time when everything was out of control. Maybe you can set one little goal for yourself today. Imagine him in your place. You would want him to stay whole. You lost him, do not lose yourself also. In the silence that surrounds you, listen. You will hear him soothing you, loving you and guiding you. Let him.

Lynn, I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much but I'm asking you to listen to Daria's words of wisdom.
Daria.....that is the best advice that I've heard in a very, very long time. Those three simple goals affect so many parts of your life. Hopefully your messages makes as much sense to others as it has to me.
I in one aspect or another lived those three steps each day as well and it has done wonders to help me heal and look forward....in other words...don't stay in bed, go outside, go somewhere....even for a moment, everyday.
You're in my thoughts and I wish you strength. And thanks Daria!
Big hugs
Darcie

Hi Lynn, As we like to say, welcome to the place nobody wants to be. But this is a good safe place to share our thoughts with a whole bunch of warm, kind, loving people who are struggling just like you. No one can understand the grief of losing your spouse unless they too have suffered this monumental loss. And Daria, your advice to Lynn is simply profound. Me, I've been slacking on the bed making and walking. I must ask myself, Why not? Little things. And if it helps someone else, just might help me. Same is true with a lot of the advice we share with each other here. ~~ Scottie

Lynn, I'm so sorry for your loss. What you're feeling is completely normal. It takes a very long time to grieve such a tremendous loss and everyone is the same yet slightly different. I see there is already some very good advice and Daria's is priceless, take it to heart and try it please.
Hugs,
Jean

Lynn, do what feels right for YOU! No one, not even us who have walked through this living nightmare have ALL the answers for you.

For now allow yourself to just breathe. Try to drink lots of water. Try to eat something. And, breathe......in and out.....and, in and out!!!!

One day you WILL get out of bed and want to do something else. If what our friends on this board have suggested sounds inviting and doable, try it.......don't be a hero; no one will give you a medal and there are no trophies or certificates of completeness......just that feeling deep inside that you've accomplished something today.

I wish you well, I wish you strength and most of all I wish you the courage to face each day without your soul mate!

Roz

Roz...I understand when you tell Lynn to do what's right for her...I truly do. That's normally great advice. Obviously she's eating and drinking and breathing ...but that's all....nothing else seems to be working. I'm sorry and I don't mean to stir things up as that is the least of my intentions...but I really worry for someone who has been unable to get out of bed more or less since September. It's just not okay....not healthy.
Lynn, you need to look for outside help whether it be a counselor, therapy group, talking to your doctor for some meds that may help you...something...anything to get you up and about....even for a little while. My heart aches for you. I hope you have some family or friends to help you during this very trying time. I know that you lost the love of your life but you must know that you are a valuable person in your own right. Please know you have meaning and are important to the people in your life just because you're you!
If you'd like to talk more with me about this or anything even the weather...please PM me and I'm there for you...anytime day or night.
I really want you to be able to stand up honey and see that you are worth the effort! And again like Roz said...don't be a hero....the smallest step forward is in the right direction. We are all here for you Lynn....please use us. And no...my goodness no...none of us have all the answers but....we sure can help if just a little. We've been where you are and yes there is light...let us help you find it...please.
With much love and hope for you...
Darcie

Hello Lynn. I became a widow on Oct 18 2015. I returned to work 5 days after my husband was buried. I thought I was doing good until my house went up for short sell. That's when depression hit on top of the raw feeling of grief. I called off from work and have not return. Depression was so heavy on me I could not get out of bed. My Kids became so concern, they thought I would take my life, so off to the doctors I went. I've been placed on 2 different prescriptions and can now get up from bed and walk my dogs. It really has helped.
Not telling you what you should do, just letting you know it's not ok to stay in bed and sleep for so long, not healthy. Sending you tight hugs.
meggyk

Lynn,
I hope that you're able to take all the wonderful advice and move in a positive and forward direction that will best benefit you.

We ALL care about each other and wish you the very best.

Warmly,
Roz

Lyndorella, you may gone into a complicated grief, or be in full blown depression.
It'd be best to seek some medical care.
Oft times we assume that we are only dealing with one Thing and the biggest thing on our mind is grief. but other things can coincide with that, and you may need a Dr's help.

Sorry for your loss Lynn. My wife also passed in September 2015. I'm still having a very rough time and also never feel like leaving the house and always, I guess you would say lazy. Though I am not getting enough,sleep. I am forcing myself to go to work in the mornings but even then there are better and worse days there too. Some say keeping busy will help but I really get no relieve, I miss and love her way too much. I started going to a therapist a couple weeks ago and she said this was normal although she is thinking I have depression and ptsd. I just want to let you know that you are not alone along with the other great people here.
Garry