Returning home to the emptiness was very hard for me so I avoided going out. Not suggesting that you do that, it didnt help. In the beginning I went to our friends house for dinner after work, but, like you, we can't keep doing that. So, what do we do?

Come home and cry was frequently accomplished. I won't lie, it doesn't go away quickly, but you will find things to occupy the time. I read books. Others do needle point or some hobby. I thought about volunteering, but I was struggling with working so I retired. It gave me time to concentrate on me and I was fortunate enough to be able to financially.

It's 9 years now and I remember every thing about those days, but I surprised myself and survived. Sharon

I am so grateful for my best friend who almost 4 months later, has still completely stopped his social life, and is at my house every night when I get home, it has helped with the transition, and he is starting to "have plans" one night a week or so, to ease me into it (as he should have plans!). It still isn't the same, and the emptiness is more of a this isn't who I want to be home with me right now, I want Chad, ache. I still cry all the time at night.

I have found myself regressing on some levels and I'm starting grief therapy tomorrow, if she gives me any good tips I will pass them along about the emptiness. Someone told me that it never gets easier, we just make room, I think they are right. LIfe is continuing at 100% and I find myself trying desperately to keep up and make sure I keep Chad in the loop.

Do you have a dog? Do you like dogs? Mine has been critical on those bad days, and the wagging tail and excited face in the window when I pull into the drive way helps me walk inside.

Hey Carol-Ann,
I am at almost nine months. It still hurts to come home and Lyn not be here like she had been for the last fifteen years. I have to admit that as time has gone on it has dulled a little. I think mostly because I am beginning to accept that she never will be again. But I replace that feeling of emptiness with knowing she is in paradise in her new life and where i will be someday when my race is over.
I have stayed focused on knowing what she would want for me without her here physically. I rely on my faith every day I get up. I have to or go insane.
But I promise just be patient with you and take your time. Focus on what your husband would say to you if he were there. And one day it will get more manageable. One of the first things I have been told is to not try to ever get over it but somehow learn how to live with it.
Please take care of you.
Peace, Tim

I have the hardest time on weekends. I work all week long and it keeps my mind and body busy. On weekends I can barely function if I stay in the house too long. My family tries to get me out and we go do fun stuff with the kids to stay busy and distracted. It helps, but not completely.

We are in the same boat Carol... The 6th is 3 months for me. When I came home, his was 'hello Beautiful' when I got home. I don't get out much but we have a child, well, he is 21 but he has a handicap, smart as a whip, he just can't walk, he has a muscle disease so I take care of him by myself now . So the loneliness is creeping in and everyone has gone back to there life and I set here feeling crazy. Don't get me wrong I do get out every once in awhile but it doesn't help. I cling to the hope that things will get better. This emptiness and pain can't be good on our health, I would think

I know the drill, Carol-Ann.

I leave work each weekday and head for home with dread and
it is such a bizarre feeling. For 27 1/2 years, I traveled the same
highway with eagerness to get home to my wife, Debbie. Now
I just leave work and head home filled with dread as an
emptiness begins to engulf me with every mile. I get home and
do my little chores and sit in an empty house. One of the items
on my mental list of daily tasks is to light candles for my wife
that sit next to three large photos of her. She loved candles and
I have been through a massive number of candles over the
past eight months. I also talk to her for a few minutes and at
times there are a few tears. Then I either write in my journals
about everything I can remember about her over 30 years or I
read grief books or other materials.

I can't stand the silence. So I turn on the television and keep
it down low. There is noise in the house but I rarely watch the
programs.

The weekends are unbearable as the hands on the clocks
don't seem to move. Last Sunday had to be the longest day
I have been through in my life. The time seemed to have
stood still for the entire afternoon.

Some family and others have urged me to develop new
routines or hobbies but I have found I have no interest in
anything. It is not that I am trying to remain immersed in
grief. That is the last thing I want. But it often feels like I
am inside of a strong canvas bag and I am trying to fight
myself out of it and it gives but it won't break to allow me to
escape the madness.

The pain is so thick I can almost reach out and touch it. It is
almost unbearable at times. I keep thinking this must be how
it feels to be on the very edge of insanity. That comes and
goes.

I am thankful my faith is strong but I also spend a great deal
of time thinking about what my wife would want me to do. She
would not want me to give up. Regardless of what we faced
over 30+ years together, we never gave up and we survived
everything. we encountered. Of course, the difference is the
fact we did it together. Now, I have to think about what she
would want me to do. I have to form my opinion and then think
about how she would react and whether she would have a
different opinion. That usually produces tears but it also
provides some strength most of the time as it is a way of
" visiting " her by thinking about how she would react to any
potential decision on anything. That probably sounds a little
weird but, then again, I am a little weird at this point as I find
myself in a place I do not wish to be and I don' t know the way
out of this wilderness.

I have talked to other widowers / widows I have met that are
further along than me and they all tell me it never goes away
but they have learned to live with it. Unfortunately, I have not
discovered the secret to reaching that position.

Thanks to all for sharing.

Darrell

The best advice I received from someone was to leave a light on inside the house so I wouldn't be coming home to a dark house. It helped a lot. The first year was such a bucket of emotions.

It wasn't until the 12-month mark that I was able to join a Christian grief support group, which helped me so much. I gave my "journey" testimony at the grief support group luncheon a few weeks ago.

Allow yourself to grieve, to cry and then to find something that you like to do. For me, I am into Stampin Up cards so I would do my work in the morning and in the afternoon I would go to my craft room, turn on NCIS reruns and make cards. I donate them to our church team that gives baskets to people who have had surgery, have lost someone, etc. It helps, but it is a process.

I can relate, my husband passed away last month on April 11, I find coming home after being out is the saddest part of the day. I have 3 cats and that helps but I miss my husband so much, we were married for 33 yrs. I can only take it one day at a time and rely on God for my strength to get through this.

I feel the same way sometimes, although I find being in our home is often comforting. The night he passed in the hospital my family wanted me to stay with someone, but I really wanted to spend the night in the home we shared. But I still haven't done anything with his car, so sometimes when I pull into the driveway it hits me so hard I can't breathe.

I also try to have something to look forward to when I get home - usually it's writing in my journal. I just write letter after letter to my husband about the events of the day, things that are bothering me, etc. - just like I would tell him if he were sitting on the couch when I got home. And having pets makes it a little better, too - at least they are other warm bodies in the house.

And then sometimes, like this past Sunday, I sit in my chair and can't get up to do anything at all. Next thing I know, although it feels like an eternity, it's time to go to bed and I've just lost an entire day.

Sending you hugs!

Sometimes I find comfort in my home and sometimes I don't....if I'm alone with the dogs I begin to get sad because it was usually Me, Dan and the dogs. If my daughter is home from college it is much better because it "feels" like a home again...just having another person in the house helps to take away the loneliness. I'm trying to stay busy by re-organizing the house...it gives me comfort to find things of Dan's with his writing on it...(I started a memory box).

Always Sue