Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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mrsjayntee 07/11/2015

My husband, at age 35, left me unexpectedly on July 1st due to cardiac arrest. I guess I don't like to say "passed away" because then I have to face the harsh reality of what's actually happened. Perhaps you can say I'm still in denial. This all happened less than two weeks ago. It was all so sudden. One minute we're talking and literally in a heartbeat, he's gone. I'm still trying to process everything, He came home from work, showered, we chatted a little about the day, normal routine, we said "I love you" to each other, went to bed and four hours later, he's gone. No signs. Nothing. I was expecting to say good morning and see him off to work the next morning. I was expecting a lot of things. I still can't believe it. Disbelief, shock? I'm not sure what stage of grief I'm in right now and frankly I don't care. I miss him so much, it hurts every day, every hour, every minute. He was my soul mate, best friend, love of my life. I feel numb almost all the time. I feel like everything around me is moving forward, backward, side to side, except for me. I'm standing still in time. I cry a lot and ask my husband why, why and God the same thing. It's all just so much to process. I guess I'm still in disbelief? I don't know. I just know that I feel like I'm a walking zombie and hope to wake up from this bad, horrible, terrible dream. Thank you for reading.

letmehelpyou 07/11/2015

I am so sorry for your loss. What you are going through right now is horrible. You are in shock. For me it lasted the first month. My experience was very similar to yours. I woke up at 2:02 a.m. in the morning to find my husband on our stairs in cardiac arrest. I tried to save him, the paramedic tried to save him. I couldn't believe it. For months I just waited for the nightmare to be over and to wake up and be back in my life.

It wears off but it takes a while to process everything. Please be gentle with yourself, try to eat and hydrate, sleep when you can. Know that you can come here any time and people will listen and understand.

Hugs,
Val

MJ46 07/11/2015

All of us who have experienced pain such as you wish we could do something for you other than assure you that you are not alone and many of us have survived similar situations. I watched my wife's body being recovered from a flooded ditch and lived the next several months like you. Now 2.5 years later I cannot believe how far I have come. At this point you likely cannot even believe that you will survive, but if you go through the motions of living like a zombie, at some time, little by little, emotions will return, mostly pain at first, but it gets better later.

dschwartz 07/11/2015

Val is right . . you are in shock my dear . . and rightly so! You suddenly lost the love of your life, your life partner . . . along with losing him, you are losing a part of yourself and future dreams you shared together. It is beyond shocking and horrible.

The numbness you are experiencing right now is normal and is the psyche's way of protecting you from feeling too much emotion too soon. It takes a while for the heart to catch up with the stark reality of it all. As you start feeling a bit stronger, the emotions will come and the numbness will dissipate.

As for nightmares . . I remember I kept saying that over and over. This is a nightmare! I would literally pinch myself to know that it wasn't.

Right now, be gentle with self and don't expect too much from self. You are a grieving widow. One day at a time, baby steps . . breathe.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your pain, as will our other members. We are here to support you and each other. Please reach out anytime. You are never alone here.

Gentle Hugs, Dayna

tiger1962 07/11/2015

I am so sorry for your loss. Disbelief is very common in grief and it can last some time. My wife passed away 5 months, and I still come home feeling she is here in her physical presence, occasionally. But over time, you will find you still feel your spouse's presence. Then realize that is not "disbelief ", you are truly feeling him.....because he is always there, spiritually. Our loved ones, they never left. Trust me on this. Hugs, tiger

sandeestttn 07/11/2015

I am so sorry. You are in shock. Be grateful you have that to cushion the pain. It protects you, for now, You are so young. My heart breaks for you. Sandee

npc4204 07/11/2015

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Much too young, so unfair!
My heart hurts for you. Your pain is so raw right now, you're still in shock. It takes time ... so much time.

Hugs,
Janie

heavensheart 07/11/2015

Hugs to you, this is so hard, there are no words, but kind thoughts and prayers for you

mrsjayntee 07/11/2015

Thank you everyone for your support. It means alot during this most difficult and confusing time.

wendimac 07/12/2015

I'm so sorry for your loss...it hurts, and it's not fair...you are in shock...it's just too much to process...my husband has been gone for 19 weeks and I think I'm still in shock...I wake up every morning,still, hoping its all just a bad dream...
For what its worth, everyone here knows what you are going through, and there are a lot of compassionate and insightful people here to help you through...I'm very thankful that I found this site.

mrsjayntee 07/12/2015

Thank you Wendimac. The support helps. I'm still lost, confused, lonely. It hurts so much and yes I've not accepted this and I feel numb and the list goes on. Thank you for your support.

kgray41 07/12/2015

I too am sorry for your loss. I often thought if Bob had died suddenly it would have been easier. He had leukemia and I watched him die slowly!! Talk about a nightmare!!! It seemed like I was locked into a bad dream that just wouldn't quit!! We shared almost 41 wonderful years together! I miss him every second that we are apart!! He was my whole world. I know he is in heaven and I cling to the Lord now. I will see him again. I'm here if you need to talk!
Karla

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