Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Feeling much better..

edithbathgate
edithbathgate
I hope everyone got through the emotional minefield of Christmas okay. My darling died on Dec. 16, 2010, so I don't exactly welcome the holidays. I love the decorations, lights, and music but the relentless reminders that I am not a member of a big cosy family are hard to take. When my husband was alive we lived in our own little world to a degree and things didn't bother me as much. Without the insulation of his presence the world feels cold, rough and uncaring. But I know that all holidays have to happen in my heart.
Today it is pouring down snow in my part of the world. At the risk of offending some of you snow haters, I must say I love snow when I don't have to drive in it. I want to focus in the next year on treating myself and others right, being grateful and seeing what I can contribute without getting the big ego view of things. I want to travel a little, make new friends, keep the old, and stay healthy.
Gratitudes:
warm house
I don't have to go out
food for dogs, cat and me
birdfeeders
so far I have phone, electric and internet
Christmas is over
I can choose my thoughts, words and actions, and in doing so I'll be choosing my feelings

What are your plans, hopes, dreams, intentions, gratitudes as the year runs out? I'm sure we'd all like to be back in the past with our darlings or in the future with our darlings in heaven, but given that we're kind of stuck here in the middle, what do you see as your role in life? I loved Jersey Debbie's last posting on responsibility! How are we all going to proceed with it in the new year?
rochelle1466
rochelle1466
I had a nice nice holiday and still felt sad at times, tearful at times, blessed mostly. I wish i was snowed in and not at work! but I hope as this year ends I have learned so much that I can take those lessons into the new year. I hope to be forgiving of myself. I intend to be kind to others while also being kind to myself. I hope to not allow self pity to rule in my world and also to understand I have been immensely and so profoundly changed and I intend to continue on a journey to a new kind of happy
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
I lost my husband May 22, 2009. I don't look toward the future, nor do I make personal goals. With losing my husband, nephew and sister-in-law within 6 months at young ages, one does not know when their time is up. I certainly don't. So, I do the best I can as a coworker, I continue to honor my husband in my own private way, I am a sister, an aunt, and a Mommy to my kitty.

There are times when I get overwhelmed with the "what-ifs", but try to let the thoughts come and pass through. Christmas has been very emotional for me this year. Like you, Edith, I love the colors and having the family together on Christmas Eve. Otherwise, I don't enjoy Christmas music anymore. The real meaning of Christmas for me is marking the Lord's birth. Anything else is painful and a reminder of what and who I lost.